15 February 2007

Kingdom of Israel - back to the future

This is an announcement from the Elders' HQ:

  1. Affirming that the current government of Israel is totally dysfunctional
  2. Based on a deep belief that there is no viable alternative, even the one extensively argued for here
  3. Seeing that all politicos are self-obsessed, lying, hypocritical no-goodniks
The Elders thereby declare:

A. The so called Israeli democracy null and void

The entity that has been theretofore known as "State of Israel" is now reverting to its only natural status of "Kingdom of Israel". All political parties are dispersed as of this moment, all card-carrying members of those parties are to present themselves to the nearby police station for assignment to a kibbutz or moshav for a job in agriculture and/or general chores, according to abilities.

B. The Queen

To avoid the whole murky business of natural descendants, a new royal family will be imported. The prime candidate - Yulia Tymoshenko - was selected due to scientifically measured total lack of interest in Israeli affairs and some other characteristics that can be safely considered superior even to these of the late Golda Meir.

There is no doubt in the Elders' mind that Ms. Tymoshenko displays all the qualities of a regular politician (see item 3 above). However, a specially trained detachment of the Elders HQ will be assigned a duty to keep an eye on her. We are happy to report that there are enough volunteers for this arduous task.

B.1 The Queen is to be addressed as Queen Yulia. Bowing, kissing hands or generally staring is not necessary and not encouraged (see C).

B.2 What Queen Yulia says - goes. Elders will make sure of it.

C. Capital punishment

Restored. See also B.2

D. Would you rather prefer this one for a king?

Case closed.

UPDATE: Due to pressure from some people of female persuasion related to the Elders in this or another way and some personal safety considerations, the final decision on the best fitting candidate for the Queen's post is postponed. Applicants for the position are welcome to send their CVs with attached photo (full length, colored, at least 2 megapixels) to the e-mail address posted on this site. Only the suitable candidate will receive a response.

UPDATE 2: No more pictures in the nude, please - we are not that kind of outfit!