31 May 2008

Health matters according to Hamas

This Ynet headline is worth keeping for posterity. The change in the health ministry domain of responsibilities is nothing short of revolutionary.

I shudder trying to imagine what kind of tasks are now under the umbrella of Hamas tourism ministry...

Cross-posted on Yourish.com.

Was William Shakespeare a Jewish woman in disguise?

Oy vey. They are onto us.

Amateur Shakespearologist John Hudson is not the first to question whether the actor William Shakespeare was actually the author of the body of work we've come to know as his, but Hudson is the first to suggest that the true author was a Jewish woman named Amelia Bassano Lanier.
They even have a picture there:

Of course, these anti-Semites from AP made it available, no wonder. So we can freely publish some of the colorful history of the lady in question. She was earlier known as King Solomon:

(All these hundreds of wives were just a cover story for a first militant feminist party in the known history).

Some of the years spent on the "Shakespeare" job she was also part-timing as young Oliver Cromwell:

(I took a lot of effort for her handlers to persuade her that the wart is necessary for the projected impact on British history).

There is a lot of other vital jobs the lady carried out in between, but some of them are still too sensitive to be published. On the other hand, we were allowed to talk freely about the latest one.

She was always asking for an assignment in France, and we have never got to it before. So there...

The only question is: now that all this is out - what it will do to the Brits?

Oy vey...

"Psychodrame Nakba" à Nivelles

It is from a rather prolonged observation that I can fairly safely issue a conclusion: in most cases left wing has a better knack for arts. There is nothing to be done with this, most probably biological phenomenon. Whether it comes from the dominance of the left (or right, who the heck can remember?) part of the brain, I wouldn't know.

On this occasion at Nivelles, a city near Brussels, the Belgian socialists came up with a street show worthy of the best theatrical traditions:

A group of Belgian self-proclaimed "Socialists", in ostensible Israeli army uniforms, descended from a jeep and other vehicles bearing Israeli flags to assault keffiyeh-bedecked local Arabs in the town's commercial centre.

That this time the show had to deal with the supposed Jooish atrocities shouldn't in any way minimize the enjoyment of many a passerby. Just the opposite, I guess.

I hope that in the next installment of the series these folks will present the Zionists partaking of the blood, freshly squeezed from the baby that was mishandled in the previous scene. We can assist in providing some technical advise.

More on this from Philosemite.

30 May 2008

Stonehenge: a bone orchard and not a fertility symbol, after all

According to the latest from the eggheads.

England's enigmatic Stonehenge served as a burial ground from its earliest beginnings and for several hundred years thereafter, new research indicates. Dating of cremated remains shows burials took place as early as 3000 B.C., when the first ditches around the monument were being built, researchers said Thursday.
That conclusion puts a kibosh on the feverish dreams of a certain gynecologist:
'There was a concept in Neolithic times of a great goddess or Earth Mother,' says Anthony Perks, a gynaecologist who decided to investigate the idea that the circles could have symbolic anatomical links. 'Stonehenge could represent the opening by which the Earth Mother gave birth to the plants and animals on which ancient people so depended.'
And on his further reasoning:
Even more convincing, says Perks, is the similarity between Stonehenge seen from above and the anatomy of the female sexual organ.
Yeah... After toiling all these years around the above mentioned organ, one would tend to find that similarity in almost any object, I submit.

Too bad, Mr Perks.

Hoopoe - Israel's state bird

The wait is over: after five long months of campaigning, the hoopoe has beat out nine other finalists to secure the title of Israel's state bird. The winner was announced on Thursday at the President's Residence in Jerusalem.

No doubt, it is is a result of a sinister intra-Zionist lobbying. No matter, my heart will remain with these folks:

Phoenix lander, I presume?

Another first in history:

A telescopic camera in orbit around Mars caught a view of NASA's Phoenix Mars Lander suspended from its parachute during the lander's successful arrival at Mars Sunday evening, May 25.

Via A.E. Brain.

29 May 2008

The Axis of the Foulmouthed

This is definitely a SNAFU on the side of our Signals department. The lazy no good bastards don't move their fat arses unless a 9.5 earthquake goes off right under their armchairs. And the usual attempt to console me "All the others missed it too..." doesn't work anymore, you hear, Zeev?

Right, we should have seen it coming, when that going places pissant Caudillo-to-be called José María Aznar a "fascist" and "less human than snakes", you know, that famous ¿Por qué no te callas? incident. But we have been too complacent, too lazy, looking at all these vaguely erotic (for some viewers) incidents with an indulging eye:

So what, our Signals dorks said. So some folks from the Axis of Not So Evil exchange spit and other bodily fluids with some folks from the Axis of Evil. What is the worst that could happen?

But we have missed the point where the usual "Big Satan", "Small Satan" terminology, approved by all parties, started to get sidelined by some new and, frankly, worrying outbursts. The words that were used were new, pointing at some sinister development, hitherto unheard of in the murky world of espionage and general mayhem. Of course, that "fascist" and "less human than snakes" were just test shots, as it became apparent quickly. Jewels like "You are a donkey, Mr George W Bush", "imperialist pawn" (for Blair), "little girl" (for Rice) and many others quickly followed.

As it happened, Hugo's buddy, Mahmoud the Mad, quickly followed with a series of expletives of his own. "The stinking corpse", "this filthy bacteria" came through quite quickly, followed by the "dead rat" (all three about Israel) , and quickly established the exalted status of Ahmydinnerjacket in this venue. Although it must be stated that Mahmoud still slips in here and there a sentence that could baffle the best in our cryptography department, such as the mysterious "Tehran is very expensive" uttering (who the fuck wants to buy Tehran?).

Anyway, it should have become clear then and there that we are witnessing the emergence of a new weapon of mass distraction and a new world power: The Axis of the Foulmouthed (TAF).

Recently the establishment of TAF was cemented and endorsed by the third, hitherto relatively quiet member, Mugabe:

You saw that little American girl [U. S. Assistant Secretary of State for African Affairs Jendayi Frazer] trotting around the globe like a prostitute...
Well, something just has to be done about it. The free world is in clear and present danger. But calling upon some lily-livered limp-wristed wusses like CIA, Mossad or (forgive me for mentioning them in this context) MI5 would have been plainly an act of nincompoopery. A stronger remedy had to be found, and we have cut the red tape, approaching a certain bosun's mate of a US Navy frigate that shall remain unknown for a little while. The response was immediate and energetic. Due to the necessary secrecy and fear of revealing some strategic armaments before the time, we have censored it quite drastically:
What? This fu .......................................................... and ............................................ that ........................... fu ........................................................... mother ............................................... twice ..................................................................................... fu .................................................. I shall personally .............................................................................................................................. to it ............................................... mother ............................................................................... biggest ..................................................................................................................................... fu ...................................................................................... sister ............................................................................................................................................... face ....................................................................... ................................................................................... again ................................................................. assholes ..................................
(For the same security reasons even some censored patches had to be erased).

We think that we are on a firm enough ground to assure the free world that its fate is in good hands, as far as TAF is concerned, and that its citizens may rest assured that TAF's days are numbered.

Listen to the Navy radio for details.

Ilan Pappe - location, location, location

This short and excellent article by Mira Vogel of Engage includes only one point I have to disagree with (respectfully):

Toni O'Loughlin prefers to dance to the beat of Finkelstein's tub and blend his exclusion with Ilan Pappe's emigration (voluntary - and hopefully reversible - to Exeter) into one big morass of Israeli suppression of innocent and decent critics.
Re reversibility, dear Mira: no way. Finders keepers.

The UCU boycott malady strikes again

Let's assume (that's for you to assume, I shall not do so) that you are a chief of a worker's union. That your ability to do good to the members of your union is limited to non-existent (your members are eggheads with no ability to close a road or two, to disconnect electricity in even a small village or to make the sewers shoot their contents back anywhere). And you are desperate to show that you are doing something.

Then you have a few functionaries in your union have a bee in their bonnet about a place so remote that most of other members, not to mention the general population, don't rightly know where it is and don't give a flying donut about it, frankly. You may not even like these functionaries very much, given as they are not really of your general egghead category (you know, the ones who teach, research and stuff) but mostly what they are good about - functionaries. For the lack of something better to do, you know.

OK, assuming you are all that and that you need to show some action to your union, when you really cannot show much - what do you do? Of course, you let these functionaries wag he dog, in the much tested and proven tradition. You let them Boycott that shitty little country. After all, it is so far away and the chance it will send its warplanes to bomb your office is so remote. And your union members will see that you DO something proactive and go home happy. Or, at least, distracted...

The only issue you have to resolve now: what to do next? You cannot boycott twice, after all.

Or can you?

More (a lot more) on the whole shebang - here by David Hirsh.

And here by Ben Cohen.

And this is enough for a while. Now, you may ask, should you give a flying donut about the story? I cannot rightly say...

28 May 2008

Olmert-Syria: anal-ysis

Liza has returned from that funny place named Florida and has already produced a few posts of high value*, the recent one dealing with The Little Ass that Could.

Prime Minister Ehud Olmert is a man who is clearly preoccupied with his own ass.
This is undoubtedly one of the truest statements of the 21st century. If only for health-related considerations Liza forgot to mention, but of course for many others as well, not the least of them being the law and order watching the above mentioned backside with renewed vigor. And even intending to do to it (the backside) something painful**.

On the other hand, there are people who may disagree with the suspicion that "the entire peace initiative vis-a-vis the Syrians is nothing more than a media spin produced by Olmert to save his seat".

Then there are people who are thrilled by the whole idea of Syria-Israel rapprochement much less than, for instance, by an idea of a moderate attack of smallpox.

What can I say? As a known softie, I think that the truth is somewhere in the middle between Liza and Israeli Mom. I can hardly believe that the entire peace initiative is a sham, started by Olmert in advance to preempt the attack on his ass, but I am quite sure that the announcement about the negotiations (that are currently in much less than half-baked state) was timed to do so.

But I am in total agreement with Liza's prediction:
And, as is often the case when asses are involved, sooner or later, the shit will most certainly hit the fan.
What then? The only advice for that eventuality will be:


(*) Although that remark related to the consequences of men's poor aiming ability in the bathroom doesn't have much to do with travel to foreign parts, I submit. A man must do...

(**) Here and in the whole post the word "allegedly", while not being placed explicitly, should be applied implicitly to every statement. And, indeed, to every word. I wish to keep my backside out of legal vise, lest it is not clear to somebody.

O’Reilly against Obama?

It seems that there is a new entrant in the 2008 presidential race. A tough one, but on the other hand, Obama is going for change. Thankfully, I, being an outsider, don't have to worry about keeping my change safe.

And a free advice to The Gay Black Jew: re your wish about Hillary - you better reconsider it, and in the worst case - mind the fangs.

Space station's sole toilet out of order - so what?

It's the latest. But there is an unexpected conclusion in the article:

The international space station's lone toilet is broken, leaving the crew with almost nowhere to go. So NASA may order an in-orbit plumbing service call when space shuttle Discovery visits next week.
Nowhere to go?

Man - the world is your toilet!

The best use for your Wii remote

There is more where this one comes from.

Via Dick Stanley.

27 May 2008

Sydney Pollack RIP - he made the world a little better

Says George Clooney.
For me, too.

Evolution of the Russian leadership

Aside of two words: "лысый" which means "bald" and "волосатый" which means "hirsute", you don't need any knowledge of Russian to understand the following picture. But a bit of history knowledge wouldn't hurt.

Click to enlarge

Is David Cook crushing on Kimberly Caldwell?

Or vice versa? Do I really care? No, but here is a nice picture for you to contemplate:

Much healthier than obsessing about... who are they anyway?

26 May 2008

Phoenix on Mars, alive and well and sending pictures

JPL hits another bull's-eye.

Congratulations, folks, and don't forget to get some ice there!

Update: A nice set of pictures here, with a priceless commentary from someone that calls himself (quite aptly) Spaceman:

First, the money is spent here on Earth, not Mars. Remember, nerds have to eat too!
Second, some day they will discover that creaters come from hot interal gases - not meterites. So, why do they think that oceans of water formed on a planet with very little atmosphere, covered with hot lava, and shows no signs of life - above or below the surface, as they will find. ( cold CO2 is not cold H2O)!

Why is it that the engs. can do such a good job just so the scientist can totally screw it up?

Just one question - Why would anyone inside a candy storewant to go out in the street to look for candy?
Mmm... candy... I like candy.

Liz Trotta affair

It starts with a slip of the tongue - innocent or not is up to the viewer:

While it is indeed strange that a veteran journalist will allow herself such a blunder, the shitstorm that follows is a bit too much for the remains of my sanity.

The first step, of course, is to blame the carrier (Fox News in this case), for instance:

Is The Secret Service Going To Pay Fox A Little Visit?

The second, to blame all republicans (is Ms Trotta a republican?):

Why the Republicans Need to Lose

Next it will be Bush whodunit. Ehehe...

5 questions about Pastor Hagee and the Holocaust

Like many other attempts by public figures and/or their friends to explain themselves after an especially grave faux pas, this one should be taken with a grain of salt. Still...

Have a nuke? Go to Ireland.

It appears that using one there is quite cheap.

25 May 2008

Sunday links

And here comes Haveil Havalim — FrumeSarah-style: quite a box of goodies.


Syria - Israel negotiations and coalition of the unhappy

No one in his right mind is going to predict what, if anything, will come out of the Turkish triangle where the willing hosts scurry between the two parties that are unable even to face each other. Meryl brings proof that Syria is not syrious, and who can say that she isn't right? Only time will tell.

Meanwhile, however, it is both entertaining and educational to watch the powers that be that are up in arms against the negotiations. The top honcho, to start with:

President Bush nearly gave the game away last week. In his White House interview with this and three other Israeli journalists, when he was asked about American reluctance to see Israel legitimating Syria by opening peace talks with Damascus, Bush said he ha d "never told [Prime Minister] Olmert one thing or another about what to do with his security. That's not what friends do."
Well, Olmert surely chipped at the "axis of Evil" doctrine. Which, predictably or not, made Mahmoud the Mad unhappy too:
Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has expressed his surprise and displeasure at Syria's "violation of its commitment to Iran" by holding talks with Israel, the London-based pan-Arabic daily Asharq alawsat reported Friday.
Was it a rehearsed communique, agreed with Damascus in advance or a genuine outburst? We'll never know, not that it matters all that much.

Rather predictably, the news made somebody at home very unhappy too. At least in public.
"There is wide agreement from Right to Left that the diplomatic process cannot be used to shelter politicians in distress," Netanyahu said. "Most of the public knows the prime minister expedited the talks with Syria and set the exact time for revealing them to distract the public from the investigations against him. Olmert, who is up to his neck in investigations, has no moral or public mandate to conduct fateful negotiations on Israel's future."
That was somewhat reaching, as many of us understand the ploy. Negotiations with Syria is something that many a PM, including Bibi himself, toyed with for too many years to count, and it is hard to blame Olmert in trying what others failed in. Besides, while Olmert is up to his ears in trouble on the domestic front, he didn't, after all, steal anything from Baby Assad. At least there is no proof he has ever been in Damascus...

Predictably, when Bibi is unhappy, so is JP:
Iran's man in Damascus, Syrian President Bashar Assad, has just had the best week of his career as dictator. Everywhere he cast his gaze he was greeted by massive victories. Most were courtesy of Prime Minister Ehud Olmert and his colleagues in Kadima, the Labor Party and Shas.
Caroline (and Bibi as well) will be better off not forgetting that the above mentioned villains have done quite well last September, making Baby Assad rather unhappy in a very tangible way. But memory is not the strongest trait of politicos.

In any case, the really troubling revelation came from the same JP:
New York financier Morris Talansky, the witness at the center of the corruption scandal engulfing Ehud Olmert, was encouraged to come to Israel this spring and give evidence against the prime minister by a group of leading rightist Israeli rabbis who want to bring Olmert down for fear he will cede Jewish sovereignty over the Temple Mount and other parts of Jerusalem, a spokesman for the rabbis said Thursday.
This one should really cause nightmares to (at least) some of the leading politicos here. Judging by the fact that the last three PMs were investigated for various unsavory deeds, it may be hard to impossible to find one that is not corrupt or, at least, can't be accused of this or other transgression. And these "leading rightist Israeli rabbis" with whom Olmert was as thick as thieves (no pun intended) during his days as mayor of Jerusalem, decided that it's time to turn over some stones. Which would have remained unturned, should Olmert have continued toeing the line.

Maybe it is high time to implement a thorough vetting of candidates for some public (and elected) jobs? Maybe it will help not only the elected leaders who could then deal with issues at hand without looking over their shoulders, but the country as well?

On the other hand, it may be simpler (and cheaper all around) to set a "thievery threshold", i.e. an amount of money that is allotted to each public figure for foul play. After all, the investigations and the associated paperwork are no less costly...

Oh well, we cannot solve all the problems in one post, can we?

God of the Universe says...

Our pen-friend Uspace have decided to publish a selection of what he humbly calls "absurd thoughts" - which are not at all plain.

Brief comments on religious extremism, totalitarianism, racism, sexism and other Earthly injustices in loose senryu and tanka poetry. Sarcasm is NEVER used! ...
So, instead of reading the usual drivel in this here blog, you could do much better downloading and reading (a part of) this highly educational book. And then buying the whole enchilada.


24 May 2008

Amy Winehouse in, Norman Finkelstein out

The Shin Bet security service detained and deported an American Jewish professor who is a prominent critic of the Israeli occupation when he landed at Ben-Gurion International Airport on Friday.
There are some official reasons for booting the creep out, but the real one is:

Grammy Award winning recording artist Amy Winehouse is due in Israel "within weeks" to undergo a drug rehabilitation program, according to the London-based Jewish Chronicle newspaper.
We have a small place here, Norm, and two of you will be just one too many, you see. But you can always visit your Hezbollah buddies instead.

This is close enough for us, I suggest. And the place is fitting.

Cross-posted on Yourish.com.

Photohunt: Shoes

The theme for this week is "Shoes".

I was despaired initially, what with being sure that the female bloggers will make an easy meal out of any competitor. Then I have remembered a recent foray into something related to the shoes, and here it comes:

Notice how a simple combination of flash with poisonous background and shoe colors (plus some basic tweaking with Picassa) brings out the ugliest in a simple footwear item.

And to preempt the inevitable question: I own a pair of them. According to the number of feet.

If you liked what you have seen (or read) in this post, add your link in the comments:
I promise to visit your place as soon as possible!

To look for other photo hunters, go there.


23 May 2008

Message to all Vegetarians

If you are not supposed to eat animals.........

why are they made of meat?

Answer me that Mr Vegetarian demonstrating at Shilat screaming meat is murder into my ear and scaring my kids.

And while we are on the subject why is it Ok to kill the people who kill animals but not to kill animals.

And while we are still on the subject I would rather experiment on animals than people, Dr M. See where I am going.

So to one and all, in order to save the very fabric of society and promote love and peace between all mankind lets have a steak with all the trimmings.

Israeli tourist strips in anger - but why abroad?

One just cannot help noticing this headline.

An Israeli tourist who felt harassed when New Zealand road workers whistled at her Thursday stripped naked in response, police said.

Workmen in the small northern farming town of Kerikeri were repairing the main street when the young woman took offense at their attention.

On a balmy late-autumn day, she calmly stripped bare to use an ATM - bringing an abrupt halt to both the whistles and the road work - then put her clothes back on and walked away.
Now I am angry too. For crying out loud - what are we here - lambs? Vegetarians? Monks? If you prick us, do we not bleed? Just look at this:
"She gave the explanation that she had been ... pestered by New Zealand men. She's not an unattractive-looking lady," he [NZ police sergeant] said.
OK, that's it. Now to the list of action items:
  1. Take care of NZ the soonest
  2. Find out who gives whistling lessons
  3. Focus

Ronaldo falls short of greatness

CNN says so. Well, it's really simple: wrong Ronaldo.

Emily Gould ordeal and perils of self-exposure

Yep, there always will be that element of risk. But why self-expose? Chill out. Look at your problems in this manner:

And they will go away. Most probably.

22 May 2008

The end of Mohammad al-Dura affair?

The French Court of Appeals on Wednesday found in favor of Jewish activist Philippe Karsenty, overturning a lower court decision that he had libeled France 2 and its Jerusalem correspondent Charles Enderlin when he accused them of knowingly misleading the watching world about the death of the Palestinian child Mohammad al-Dura in the Gaza Strip in 2000.
It took only eight years, with France 2 stonewalling all the way through four consecutive courts. Even in the last case they have produced only a part (18 minutes) of the contested recording that, according to the cameraman should have been 27 minutes. The full truth of the matter will remain undisclosed forever.

Mohammad al-Dura has become a poster boy of Palestinian cause, Enderlin's clever editing being an inspiration for uncounted deaths on Israeli and, as a result, Palestinian sides.
"This is the victory of truth against the lies broadcasted by France 2. The honor of France has been saved," Karsenty told Haaretz.
Honor of France is doubtlessly important, but will the Karsenty's victory put an end to the libel? I shall not hold my breath. During the long history of libels against Jews not a single court victory prevented the libel from spreading.

And this is the way it goes...

21 May 2008

The Crusader – Enchanted Forests, Unicorns and other Legends

The shop was dark apart from rays of light peeping through the window in between books piled high in straight columns that any Roman would be proud of. I reached for a thin volume called Palestine, Land of Promise, blew off the dust and began to read.

“I’m a Crusader”, you know, a voice behind me called. “Of course you are”, I thought. I turned to confront my clearly insane Knight. There is a character in the book Jerusalem Poker, called Haj Huran, who claims to be 3000 years old and the sole defender of Jerusalem. He walks the streets of the Old City wearing nothing but a loin cloth, yellow cape and a crusader helmet. “I suppose your name is Haj Huran”, I sarcastically suggested. “Oh you’ve read it”, he replied and slightly despondent went back to labeling books.

“Do you know about the ‘enchanted forest’”, he called over. “Which enchanted forest?” I replied, trying to leave the shop. “The Crusaders cut it down you know, very sad”. “Yes, very sad”, I said and ran for the street. “Somewhere in between where Tel Aviv and Netanya stands today”, he called after me excitedly. I gave in, returned to the shop. “That’s a large area, could you be more specific”. “Well”, he continued, picking up the book I had just put down. “According to Walter Clay Lowdermilk, who wrote the book you were just reading but didn’t buy, even though it’s a good book and cheap, the Crusaders cut down the enchanted forest located in the Sharon area”.

“So what your saying is, that its not there and in fact if its under Netanya, or Herzliya or even Tel Aviv, you’d never find it anyway”. “’Spose you’re right”, he answered despondently, but I reckon if we found it we could be famous”. OK, I thought, time to go. I smiled, made my lame excuses and left the shop, walking very quickly, not looking back into his eyes like all the fairy stories warn you about.

He called after me but I didn’t look back until I realized I was holding the book. So reluctantly I returned to the shop, money in hand. “Page 57”, he whispered and then returned to his book labeling.

On page 57 there is a vague reference to the Crusaders chopping down an area of the Sharon area called the Enchanted Forest. Time for an internet search.

Then I found it. Rehov Hanasi Street in Herzliya is called, by some, the enchanted forest. It fits the bill. In the Sharon area, close to Crusader settlements, even the trees look like a vaulted roof from some Crusader church as they form a high canopy over the road. But, well it’s not quite old enough, in fact its 800 years too late.

So I guess we’ll never know. I resigned myself to never seeing fairies flying around Tel Aviv (behave) or even a Unicorn grazing in downtown Netanya. Except, well, there is another legend that states that the symbol for the tribe of Joseph was a unicorn. His two sons were awarded his territory which just happens to encompass the Sharon area. So not only was there an enchanted forest, but Unicorns as well! All I needed now was Pegasus, Phoenix and maybe a Minotaur to complete the set.

I returned to my Crusader friend and told him my theory. He looked at me as though I was mad. I was certain he would swallow all of this. Then he said “of course we have a Pegasus but it appeared further north”. “Further north?” I asked, slightly confused.”Yep, Elijah ascending to heaven in a fiery chariot with fiery flying horses, but it was further north than the Sharon, and while I’m on the subject, what about the legend of Abraham surviving death after being thrown into Nimrods fiery furnace, like the Phoenix rising from the ashes, eh? But that was in a different country.”

I probably shouldn’t have returned to the book shop. My Crusader was clearly one chapter short of a novel. As I returned home I rushed passed the most surreal sight. I slammed on the breaks and had to look again and again before I realised I wasn’t delusional. A bulls head with human legs, the Minotaur!! My rear view mirror was a little dirty so I undid my seatbelt for a better look. Then I saw it in all its glory - an Arab tying a rope around a bull’s neck!

I wondered if all myths and legends started life as something innocent, but concerned not to lose my faith, I plugged in my seatbelt and left the Arab to it.

Maybe in two thousand years someone will read this scribble and tell his friend who will tell his friend until eventually someone will write it down again. And so a legend is born.

No, really - don't disturb

Them intoxicated Trots are a mixed bunch, this goes without saying. Take, for example, this piece of muscled writing which... what the heck, just read it:

The mystical kernel of all religion is inherently hierarchical, discriminatory, and exclusionary, monstrous, archaic, persecutionary and retrograde — a fusion of fascism, populism, forgery, hysteria and excrement — reactionary, pre-modern and primitive.
I am not sure about fascism, cause I just don't grok what fascism is anymore, but that part about excrement is spot on.

On the other hand, there are some limp-wristed members of intelligentsia that put out stuff one has to peel like a freaking onion.

First they call upon Elders to deal with something. Of course, one needs some proof that the case is worth intervention. I mean, we need to know why before we decide what. Because what is quite simple - it is either a mind control team or one of our friendly reptilians. But no, instead of straight talk, we are sent over to some article in Jewish Journal, by one Brad A. Greenberg, Senior Writer - no less. The piece is about professor Kevin MacDonald of California State University Long Beach, one rabid anti-Semite, it appears. So what does Brad A.Greenberg find out about the professor?
These are strange credentials for a man who in person seems every bit a slice of Midwest Americana. Part German, part Scottish, raised to be a traditional Catholic, though he is now agnostic, MacDonald was reared in a small Wisconsin town best known for the children's clothes that carry its name.
Strange credentials indeed... Mr Greenberg, you are a putz. That's official, you can apply to the Elders' HQ for a pin, a sticker for your car and a pointy hat. Midwest Americana - can't you say Oshkosh Wisconsin without stammering? Duh...

Anyhow, about the professor. He is David Duke's friend, and it's high time for a person who calls on Elders for assistance to know that His Dukeness is one of our, albeit outmoded, field units. And as such, his friend is protected and so hands off.


Hillary vs. Obama - impartial view

Via Sonia.

20 May 2008

Six Word Memoir

I was tagged by A.Decker for a devilishly hard task - to produce my memoir in six words. He probably forgot about it already, I couldn't - this gnawed at me for almost two months. First of all, he has done a superb job - In My Youth There Were Dinosaurs is unbeatable. I could say that in my mature dinosaur years I have crossed paths (most probably) with A.Decker, but firstly it's much more than six words, and secondly - is a plagiarism in its purest. What remained is one of the toughest writing tasks possible. Six words is about four words too many for my bio. "Nothing special" will be as succinct and all-encompassing as anything. But... anyway, I have been seeking truth, an the truth is stark:

Striving to be the best smoker

So there, and may the truth be known. Now to the tagging part:


Hak Mao


Soccer Dad


(All of you - don't tell me you are innocent, OK?)

Update: Meanwhile, the best memoir so far comes from Akaky Akakievich:


(He is an optimist).

19 May 2008

The new Russian icon

The Full Moon Man of London

Of course, she will not call him werewolf - after all, London is where they have invented the Politically Correct Speech. But we, uncouth hairy men of Levant, will not surrender to PCS. So:

Well, Andrew Ian Dodge will get over that trifling health bother for sure. As for the hirsute appearance, he may want to consider it - could be a good thing, after all. Some chicks... oops!

18 May 2008

What has Anti Semitism and number 25.80698 got in common?

They are both the root of all evil or at least for the last 1,500 years until a strange papyrus was found in 2005 and now the root of all evil may be 24.8193473

But hey, whether you are a 25.80698 man or a 24.8193473 man, and you know who you are, evil is evil.

Confused? Well maybe the number of the beast would help you.

Anyway everybody knows at least one figure will always remain constant and that is the answer to life the universe and everything. Answers on a postcard please.

Walter Gropius and the White City

Walter Gropius is the man whose ideas have done so much to make the historic center of Tel Aviv the White City it is today, with several thousands of Bauhaus-style buildings.

RIP and thanks.

The Austria's battered reputation

According to this article, Austria fights back against 'Land of Dungeons' tag by all means.

I suggest that this is really peanuts, to be forgotten very soon. On the other hand, they will never be able to overcome this one (click to embiggen):

Yes, there really is a place in Austria called Fucking. In fact they liked the name so much, it seems that they also have several Fucking roads. Which f**king road would you live on?
And I like the logic that makes Wolfing merge so seamlessly into Fucking...

Via Olly.

Sunday links

Haveil Havalim #166 - a MommyBlogger Edition is delectably arranged by Ima on the Bima!

Besides being delectable, it has a catch to it: the best comment (with link, of course) will be eligible for a prize. I wish I had at least one musical ear...

Go there and gorge yourself on the wide spectrum of blogging.

Not a biography

Partial disclosure here. We'll get to the bottom of it one day, no doubt.

17 May 2008

Britain gives up on UFO, aliens reciprocate

The news about the official decision by Britain to deny the existence of UFOs and to sweep the whole issue of existence of aliens into a garbage bin came as a shock* to some denizens of our Galaxy.

Britain's Ministry of Defense has released files on UFO sightings dating back to the 1970s, including witness accounts and the government's response. One of the documents released Wednesday is a detailed briefing prepared by the Ministry of Defense for the debate, and it sheds light on the military's position on the matter. "There is nothing to indicate that ufology (the study of UFOs) is anything but claptrap and no evidence at all of 'alien space craft,'" read the briefing, prepared by the ministry for Lord Strabolgi, then government chief whip.
So UFOs are claptrap, according to the British government. Someone is definitely trying to ignore the stark truth staring them in the eyes and with it the whole Universe, full of life and sometimes (mostly when looking Earthward) of incomprehension and sorrowful laughter.

Due to Elders' excellent relationships (and, indeed, tight cooperation on some projects) with the Galaxy Central Command, it was easy** for me to get the Galaxy's semi-official response to the British faux pas:
Cannot say we are shocked here in the HQ. We had high hopes for these people initially. Just yesterday they have been in control of almost the whole globe of yours, and look where they are now. Still, we have not despaired with them immediately. We have sent them our best saucers, we have jumped up and down making faces at them, we have abducted, experimented, probed. We have even planted our trained reptilian to replace one of their more scandalous elected officials:
(The previous one was also one of ours - some kind of semi-sentient plant, but very adept in mimicry). We have telepathically instructed one of their best scribes to write several books with all the necessary information about the life, the universe, the whatnot. But it just didn't take root in this place. Mighty peculiar, I have to say, but at the end of the day not that surprising.

Apparently, this pale-face vitamin-deficient life form just cannot cope with the mere idea of aliens, no matter of what kind. Look what they... aw, what the heck...

Well, this is the end of it with these Brits. No more visitations, no more lights in the sky, no more anal probes for them. Let them drink that fermented swill (we have really had some hopes regarding them and the Pan Galactic Gurgle Blaster, you know) and be happy. Or, at least, half catatonic as they usually are. And these two clowns can continue to make them crop circles, if this is what gets them off. Pfui!

We give up on them, you can tell them in my name. Actually don't bother, you can hardly tell them anything as far as my experience goes. Now I see what that bearded chap meant by that "life is the mode of existence of protein bodies". Indeed...

Anyhow - we are moving the focus of our operation to... no, you don't have to know.. oh, you already do, good for you. Ciao...
It is unclear what is in wait for Britain in the near future as a result of this diplomatic fiasco, but there is no chance of getting any coherent response from their FO (as on many other issues, so it's not that surprising).

So I shall be calling on my favorite Ufologists to comment on this event.

(*) The shock value should not be overestimated, as well as the importance of Britain on the Galaxy scale. See the next remark.

(**) In fact, it was excruciatingly difficult to find the person responsible for communications with Earth in the endless maze of the Galactic HQ. Eventually, the Hon. Scroom RfticulG, the Galactic official who takes care of 4,965 inhabited worlds of ITC*** class, was located. Needless to say, the Elders do not normally go through this channel, having access to much higher echelons of Galactic bureaucracy.

(***) ITC - Intransigent Temporary Civilization.

Juicy Campus and Hoàng Thùy Linh

Youngsters in general and students in particular behave in their search for originality as so many tadpoles, swimming (or surfing, as the case may be) in the same general direction. So, as the tradition of cooling down goes here, you are offered a cool shot of an adult:

Look at it for a while, it might teach you something about being cool. Yep.

16 May 2008

The Smoking Man

The wind knew I was coming. Not a leaf moved on any tree until my foot hit the street. Then, as if by some weird and perverse sense of humor, the wind rushed in one tremendous howl, towards me and practically blew me into the coffee shop. Of course it was illogical to think that the wind did this to me on purpose. Obviously I got in the way of its presumed target, an old bearded man headed for the same coffee shop as me.

The smoker, an old bearded man, lit another cigarette, his ninth in as many minutes, not that I was counting, but I had nothing better to do. Curiously he never finished a cigarette. He got half way through and then smoked another. Luckily the person he was with asked the questions that I really wanted to ask, why don’t you finish your cigarettes? His reply was pure Israeli logic. He had read a report that said that a good way to try and give up smoking was to wean your self off the nicotine by cutting down slowly, so instead of smoking a full cigarette he smoked them in halves. Luckily I only laughed inwardly but the incredulous look his friends face, when he calculated that the man was smoking the same number of cigarettes, said it all.

Israeli logic is basically a deadly mixture of the following; Talmudic logic, 7,000,000 or so Israelis who all think they’re right all their mothers who would disagree and pointless jobs-worths who work in pointless government offices doing pointless jobs like stamping pointless forms, making us pay pointless amounts of money into the pointless post offices for pointless reasons and I still don’t get my post delivered to my house on time – sorry about the rant but I have to get it off my chest.

Classic Israeli logic dictates that if something does not sell well in the supermarket, put the price up. And while we are in the supermarket, the more customers there are the fewer checkouts seem to be open. I asked a worker in the supermarket where to find the peanut butter, he told me if I came here more often I would know, and then walked off. Sort of treat ‘em mean keep ‘em keen customer service.

Israeli logic dictates that if you don’t know we aren’t going to tell you. So you could return to that same pointless government office a hundred times and waste the pointless jobs-worth’s precious time because he wont tell you what the right thing to do is, until you find out you’re actually in the wrong building talking to the wrong person about the wrong matter – its been a long day.

Anyway, the smoking man was trying to prove his theory of ‘everything in moderation twice’, while his friend was trying to explain that smoking or eating something in two halves amounts to the same having the whole. You have to have a half and leave the other half, he said very frustrated. The smoking man was shocked, what and waist all that money on cigarettes and food just to throw half of it away. But why don’t you just buy half as much. Where, shouted the smoking man, can you buy half cigarettes.

There is a road the round behind Ramat Bet Shemesh which was used for a few years until somebody decided that the road had to be closed. The road remained closed to all traffic until somebody pointed out that this road is the only rout to a quarry, so the road reopened just for quarry vehicles. Then somebody pointed out that there is a Kibbutz which relies on this road to reach the outside world. So that section of the road was opened. In fact only about 1 kilometer of the road is actually closed, and if you follow the rules you have to make a ten minute detour because of it.

Anyway, the smoking man was now on cigarette number twelve. The incredulous look on his friends face had stuck and they had begun arguing about the logical thought process that was so obviously fraught with many obstacles in the smoking mans head.

A coffee arrived for smoking man. Why have you only ordered half a cup, his friend asked, rather stupidly I thought. Smoking man looked up opened his mouth to answer, but then the second half cup arrived and, well, you can figure out the rest.

Islamist Web sites: New bin Laden message coming soon

Says CNN.


The Valley of Peace initiative

It looks like the old "better dead than red" saying gets a new twist.

A group of Israeli and foreign businessmen and bankers are finally ready to build a $3 billion canal between the Red and Dead Seas, desalinating the water, producing hydroelectric power and yielding profits, clean water, jobs and potentially unprecedented regional cooperation.
Hopefully the project that is mulled upon for uncounted number of years will finally get moving. Because:
The planned Valley of Peace through the Arava would be developed to include tens of billions of dollars worth of hotels (with 200,000 beds) and other tourist attractions, clean industry and one of the largest botanical gardens in the world - providing a million jobs.

It would quadruple tourism to Israel from today's two million annual visitors, he said. The billion cubic meters of desalinated water it would yield would make the Arava green on both sides of the border, said the 57-year-old real estate and fuel tycoon as Peres smiled broadly. Greenhouses would raise winter fruits and vegetables and sell them in the region and abroad.

The area would, according to this "amazing vision," be turned into a free-trade zone, attracting investment from around the world. A high-speed train line and highway would run alongside the canal, transporting people and goods between the Dead and Red Seas within an hour, according to a sophisticated audiovisual presentation shown to the audience.
Let's hope that at least some of this comes true. And that the Dead Sea gets some much needed water.

Blame it on the Rain Lyrics

For some reason this one causes more noise than even McDonalds free chicken sandwich. Inexplicable. Anyhow, it entitles you to another free "cool me down" picture.

Breath slowly. Concentrate. Now, now...

15 May 2008

Palestinian Miracle: Fatality "victim" of occupation resurrected

I have thoughtlessly copied the headline of this article by Ami Isseroff. The story is not that complicated, while still wondrous:

Muhammad al-Harrani, a father of six from Gaza diagnosed with cancer who reportedly died while waiting for a permit to enter Israel, miraculously "came back to life." This was not the result of a miracle, but rather, just part of the tactics used by al-Harrani's family in a bid to secure a permit for him.

On the eve of Holocaust Remembrance Day, al-Harrani's story was published. His family reported to the "Physicians for Human Rights" organization that he died. "The sick man could not withstand the wait for the permit," claimed Ran Yaron, Director of the Occupied Territories Department who blamed the Shin Bet for adopting cruel policies against cancer patients.

However, the next day, the organization discovered that al-Harrani was still alive. Members of group estimated that his brother, who reported the death, "killed" him so he does not report to the questioning session.
I think that both Ami and Physicians for Human Rights underestimated the boundless cruelty of Shin Bet. The correct headline of the article should be (and I fully expect several media organs to pick it up):

Shin Bet forcibly revives its victim to continue the torture!

Mmm... now it's much better.

14 May 2008

Of JC, crocs and cabbage

Some of our more attentive readers may have noticed that the post Lesson well learned was signed by JC. Some of our less attentive readers decided that (as was usual lately) the post is written by me. Not so.

It was an omission on our side not to mention this significant reinforcement earlier, and to remedy this omission - please welcome JC - the new and very talented member of the Elders' organization. Some of you who are more Internet-savvy can dig up a lot of information about JC, and in the spirit of openness that permeates our outfit lately, I can say - good luck to you, folks! In fact, most of what you need to know about him is here. And here. And... go read it all, in short, I am not a cross-reference machine.

Anyhow, re that spirit of openness that permeates: even Mossad and Shin Bet, our less important executive branches, have their own Web sites by now, so why not allow more information about Elders to flow? Especially when the information is so confusing... So, if you were afraid of the Elders yesterday, do not be afraid today. Be scared to death.

Now about crocs. Re the question "Excuse me, Snoopy, but what in the world is a Croc?". Ehehe... What can I say? This is a question I have been asking my youngsters a few years ago. It is clearly a mistake on the part of the Elders. We haven't been watching them closely enough, and here is the result:

Originally intended as a boating/outdoor shoe because of its slip-resistant, non-marking sole, Crocs introduced its first model, the Crocs Beach, in November 2002 at the Ft. Lauderdale Boat Show, selling out the 200 pairs produced at that time. As of 2007, the product line has remained popular, indicated by high sales growth, and has the characteristics of a sustained fad, with both ardent support and disapproval.
Since we are right now in process of dealing with this phenomenon, I can only say that I am a (suspicious) owner of a pair of Crocs:

Again in the spirit of openness - I have chosen the carrot-colored ones, the easier to be detected from a search helicopter in the desert. And to frighten toddlers.

As to the cabbage: cabbage contains a lot of effing vitamins and stuff and is supposed to be awfully good for your health. Otherwise I don't have a slightest bloody idea why I am mentioning it. Sorry.

13 May 2008

Lesson well learned

No Land Concessions, not even a sun lounger

The fact is that giving up land is a lazy and easy way out. Every other nation on the face of the Earth would fight tooth and nail to keep its borders secure and its territory safe. There is no such thing as painful concessions; they lead to death and destruction. Use history as your lesson. And what applies in the larger scheme of things applies here and now.

My daughter looked down, somewhat despondent, somewhat confused and somewhat lost for words. I on the other hand had taught her the most important lesson of all, protect what’s rightfully yours and remember that appeasement usually returns to bite you on the arse (or ass, not the animal.). And so our family was able to relax around the swimming pool, with plenty of space, sun loungers for all and even a coveted small plastic table that wasn’t covered in ketchup or cigarette ash.

To say the pool cafe was packed would be an understatement. We sat with the family somewhat squashed into our little corner. Move the table kids, I ordered and we all stood and lifted the table to make more space for our little family. The very English tourist (we love tourists etc etc etc) on the table nearest to us carried on regardless, and as I did my brash Israeli thing, (still a bit of English in me so I didn’t ask him to move his table) his upper lip got stiffer.

“Look here”, he suddenly blurted out, “this isn’t some bloody land grab, move back to where you were”. My wife looked at me and shook her head, my kids looked at me and shook their heads, but I couldn’t resist. “What do you mean, land grab?”
“Well its what you Israelis seem to do best and while I’m at it I might also say that it really embarrasses the rest of us, it costs a fortune to come to Israel, we try and support you and in return you bombard villages and steal land for ‘security’ purposes, I could go on but I’ll stop”.

The now more diplomatic people would have backed away, let him have his five minutes, but not me, I had a nation to defend, so after a few words about how he was an uneducated, self hating BBC Jew, I threw his Crocs into the swimming pool thinking it would be a harmless yet effective message of don’t mess with the natives. I hadn’t accounted for the fact that concealed in the end of his Croc was his wallet.

“Oh dear”, he commented, actually it was a bit more brazen and a bit less stiff upper lipped. Bugger, I thought, as the scenario of having to explain to my wife where all our cash and more had gone in reparations for this, as he would desribe it, unprovoked and disproportionate attack.

I jumped into the pool to retrieve his Crocs and now very soggy wallet. Nothing inside was ruined or missing so a heavy sigh of relief from my side but eyes still blazing on the other.

“Wait a minute, I know you. My goodness it must be twenty years, don’t you recognize me? We were in school together, don’t you remember?”

I did and we spent the rest of the holiday reminiscing, kids playing together and wives chatting like long lost friends. The latest Israeli war long forgotten.

The moral of the story? Well I can only think of one. We need to remember who we are where we came from and where we’re going.

Confused? So are they.

Funny, I thought September 11 changed everything

Says professor Barry Rubin of GLORIA Center in his article Lebanon to West: Wake Up Fast!

While America's secretary of state devotes her time to doomed Israel-Palestinian talks and America goes ga-ga over a candidate whose main foreign policy strategy is to talk to dictators, still another crisis strengthens radical Islamists and endangers Western friends and interests.
Frankly, unlike prof. Rubin, I was never sure that the tragedy of 9/11 has changed the world as much as it should have. But it doesn't detract from the powerful article in any way.

More on the Lebanon situation by Ami Isseroff.

Lipdub and pizzica pizzica pooo

Sounds like speaking in tongues? Wait till you watch this:

"Pizzica" in fact seems to be the name of a traditional dance of Puglia, a region in the south of Italy. While the song sounds eerily familiar, it's quite an experience.

12 May 2008

Sort of a quiz

Here are a few salient points from an editorial:

  1. Hizbullah and its allies have just pulled off what may well turn out to be a coup d'état in Lebanon.
  2. If Hizbullah's triumph is left unchecked by the mostly Sunni Arab world, non-Arab Iran will have moved a step closer toward regional hegemony.
  3. Latest intelligence assessments suggest Teheran could have nuclear weapons (and hard-to-overcome cruise missiles to deliver them) even sooner then originally feared.
  4. US President George W. Bush is scheduled to be here on Wednesday and Thursday to help Israel celebrate 60 years of independence, and also to push hard for a "shelf-agreement" between Jerusalem and an enfeebled Palestinian Authority.
  5. Egyptian intelligence chief Omar Suleiman is set to arrive to press the Olmert government to accept Hamas's offer for a Gaza cease-fire.
  6. Syrian President Bashar Assad may be growing impatient over the Golan Heights.
Now, if you have remained seating near you computer, instead of being already at your medicines cabinet groping for a strongest tranquilizer, here comes the punch line (notice the capital letters - that's for you, visually impaired):
CLEARLY, THIS is not a good time for Prime Minister Ehud Olmert to be focused on anything but running the country, addressing a vital range of security, foreign policy and (let's not forget) domestic agenda issues. There is also the matter of his cancer that must be attended to. But realistically speaking, how can he be paying complete attention to his job and his health while under multiple investigations by police and prosecutors?
Now comes the quiz:
  1. Where was this editorial published?
  2. Who is the author (but don't overextend yourself on that count)?
  3. And the last one: in a country not besieged in such a horrible way (say, Switzerland), would an (allegedly) thieving person with an (alleged) prostate cancer be a better candidate for the post of PM?
All the answers here.

Why I remain a virgin

Via gnotalex.

Obama Claims He's Visited 57 States

Another overachiever. At least his plane wasn't shot at yet, and he wasn't forced to ram an RPG missile down anyone's throat. For now.

11 May 2008

Andrew and Kim - the labor of love

Andrew Ian Dodge (here he is - on the right - during one of his carefree uncouth years):

decided that he doesn't want to be carefree (or uncouth) anymore, and here is the first result:

The rest is history, and we can now see (or, rather, listen to) the first fruit of the union - a Wedding EP CD. The CD Baby blurb on this CD says:

In the wake of Andrew's current battle with colon cancer; the tracks are all the more apt. Both for those who attended the wedding and those who know the couple; this will be a pleasant reminder of happier and easier times.
I would like to amend this quote: let this CD be a precursor to more happier and easier times!

Now you better go and buy that CD:

Buy the CD
click to order

Or else (you know the possible results of not heeding a hint from the Elders).