How to enslave humans 101

To all who still doubt the superiority of feline folks.

9/9/09 - A Day Without Cats on the Internet?

Pop-culture website Urlesque recently launched a movement that has gained a great deal of steam -- it dubbed tomorrow, 9/9/09, "A Day Without Cats on the Internet," and lobbied other websites to join in its kitty-free pledge.

These mothers don't know who they are tangling with yet.

But they will get it. Soon enough...

Some Zionist cats for you

Well, partly Zionist. Enjoy (speakers on, please).



Via Rahel.

CAT scan

Filched from here.

Leopard vs crocodile - more on supremacy of felines

I am not arguing - there is no need. Just another illustration:

What can I say? The picture is not clear in this respect, but that cat sure has some stones on him!

And of course, some people just don't dig it. Says the photographer (Hal Brindley):

It just doesn't make sense. The meat you get out of a crocodile is just not worth the risk it takes a predator to acquire. The whole scene happened in the course of about 5 minutes. Then the leopard was gone.

Hey, man, it doesn't make sense only if you don't grok cats. You see - the cat was making a point there. That's all.

H/T - Ozymandias.

Photohunt: Wooden

The theme for this week PhotoHunt is "Wooden".

There are lots of beautiful things men make of wood. This would be one of them, I think:

Shot in Victoria, British Colombia ( in somewhat unfavorable lighting conditions). More on the totem poles here.

And now to something completely different - a wooden furniture item with no wood visible:

Of course, I mean the coffee table and not the 8 kg (about 18 pounds) of prime feline occupying it. The table is wooden, I swear, it is just faced with some fancy stone. Weighs much more than The Big One that occupies it, but then - you don't have to worry about spilled drinks and stuff.

If you liked what you have seen (or read) in this post, add your link in the comments:

I promise to visit your place as soon as possible!

To look for other photo hunters, go there.

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There is a lesson in it, I'm sure

A person who knows where I stand on the issue of vegetarians, vegans, Jains and other people of this attitude to life sent me a link that may be worthwhile for you to click upon.

So what do we learn from the sequence of pictures in this link? Yes, cheetah mom doesn't have a lot of time for vegans, besides she must feed her babies - that's the first point. But look at this:

• Doesn't it prove that you could both love your steak gazelle and eat it?
• Isn't this cheetah cub beautiful (although it's not chewing grass)?
• Isn't the gazelle tasty graceful?
• Isn't life amazing?

And no, dear vegans, I do not give away my address or/and phone number for free, but you know where to send your threats.

Cat lovers alerted again - a misdirection attempt!

Ladies and gentlemen of cat loving society! I want to turn your attention to a case that was brought to your judgment some time ago. To refresh you memory, the subject was displaying only some basic misunderstanding of the feline nature, and the measures recommended then were of educational nature, without elements of punishment.

Today the situation is more severe, and I am afraid that much harsher measures will be required. The subject, while outwardly displaying some signs of being converted, unintentionally confessed to some heinous crimes. He starts with a feeble attempt of misdirection, pointing to an apparent anti-feline person (a writer Amanda Craig this time) who says the following about cats:

Cats are all very well in their way, but sharing your space with a creature even more self-centred, indolent, cold-hearted and greedy than yourself is never a good idea....

To an amateur in feline affairs it may sound alarming, but then Ms Craig comes clean:

Dogs, on the other hand, offer us all the unstinting devotion, slavish admiration and gratitude we could possibly want...

It is clear as July sky over Negev desert that Ms Craig here is a dog person. In other words, someone not responsible for her opinions on feline population and to be left alone (well, at least until the day comes, if you know what I mean).

The false whistleblower, however, could not confine himself to this misdirection and just had to add some self-incriminating details:

...let me be absolutely clear that our cats are selfless, constantly busy on good works, more affectionate than your granny and are so charitable they share their food with us at all times. They salute us every morning when we rise, make the bed, do the vacuuming...

I think you don't need more sordid details, so let's proceed with the verdict. Follow the charges:

1. A clumsy attempt of misdirection - could be discounted
   
2. Food deprivation ("they share their food with us")
3. Humiliation ("They salute us every morning")
4. And the worst one: use of feline labor ("make the bed, do the vacuuming")

I think that we can start with a rain of cute white laboratory mice, of course after the felines are evacuated from the property.

On balancing your diet

Windsor Castle has been the victim of a cat burglar every day for the past four years.

A cat called Mime, which lives in a Chinese restaurant 50 yards opposite, has been strolling past armed police and royal guards in order to dine with royalty - the Queen's corgis.

Good move, Mime! Clearly Chinese food is OK, but one must have some variety - and I don't mean mice.

Not in my name!

The health Gestapo has found a new target, it appears - our pets.

A group of podgy pets with a combined weight of more than a sixth of a tonne are contestants in an annual fat-fighting challenge.

Pictured, is George, from Liverpool, a fat cat weighing more than a stone. He will be up against pets including Scooby, an overweight dog from Gillingham, and podgy puss Oscar from London. The eight animals, from across the UK, will now take part in a 100-day diet and fitness challenge.

Being an avowed cat lover, I have to be afraid of the possibly fatal impact this act of cruelty will have on a well-developed feline like George here.

There is another thing that frightens me even more. The picture above reminded me about the fate of the giant rabbits. What will happen to George if the glorious leader of NK sees this picture?

Update: More about obesity here:

A woman from Winona in Minnesota is accusing a work colleague, who was pet sitting her pig, of neglect after she allowed the pig to become obese, a local daily newspaper said Wednesday. Michelle Schmitz, 22, said she left the pot-bellied pig, Alaina Templeton, with a colleague in February while she was recovering from ankle surgery. Within nine months the pig's weight tripled - from 22 kg (50 pounds) to 68 kg (150 pounds). In addition, it had trouble breathing and "stunk real bad." "That pig is my life," the Winona Daily News quotes the woman, who even has the pet's name tattooed on her body, as saying.

Uhu.

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Socks says NO!

The presidential race in US of A has taken a new unforeseen turn.

As the “first pet” of the Clinton era, Socks, the White House cat, allowed “chilly” Hillary Clinton to show a caring, maternal side as well as bringing joy to her daughter Chelsea. So where is Socks today?

Once the presidency was over, there was no room for Socks any more. After years of loyal service at the White House, the black and white cat was dumped on Betty Currie, Bill Clinton’s personal secretary, who also had an embarrassing clean-up role in the saga of his relationship with the intern Monica Lewinsky.

That's it. This should be enough to seal the whole issue.


Alerting some cat lovers!

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Now they eat cats too

It looks like Aussies, being a freewheeling and care-free folks with an insatiable curiosity and readiness to try everything that could be conceivably tried, have (inadvertently, for sure) crossed one serious red line.

Australians have come up with a novel solution to the millions of feral cats roaming the outback - eat them. A recent Alice Springs contest featured wild cat casserole. The meat is said to taste like a cross between rabbit and, perhaps inevitably, chicken.

Of course, like any people who feel that vague nagging of their consciousness, Aussies have invented a justification to this inexcusable perversion of natural order (for those of you who may not know what natural order is - the higher life forms are looking at all the lower ones as providers of protein, fibers, vitamins, etc. - whatever the doctors recommend):

Feral cats are one of the most serious threats to Australia's native fauna. They eat almost anything that moves, including small marsupials, lizards, birds and spiders.

How do you like this pathetic attempt at (fallacious) logic? It is the cat that eats everything that moves - not your average friendly Aussie who, provided the supply of beer is secured, will eat not only everything that moves but everything that ceased any motion long ago or, perhaps, has never even attempted to move.

Aussies have not yet grokked that felines are way above them (and above any other human, let's make it clear - no one, even a born vegan living in an environment-friendly habitat, is excluded) in the food chain. And that eating a feline is a sacrilege that will be punished.

This outback cuisine does come with a health warning. Scientists have said that those eating wild cats could be exposed to harmful bacteria and toxins.

Now, we do not care about this highbrow egghead stuff. Even without science, and without waiting for a confirmation from the Elders' HQ, I am issuing a real warning* to all inhabitants of that funny island:

Remember Atlantis!

I am not sure that I have to go into details. In any case, people who do not heed warnings will never know what hit them (or, in this case, what drowned them). The Elders involved in this Atlantis operation are still laughing when recalling how the chief priest of Ishtar, standing on his toes on the top of the highest pyramid to get the last breath of air, was asking the totally indifferent skies - why. Between us, it was because of proliferation of anise-based drinks and enforcement of aerobics on general populace, both being deadly sins in our eyes.

Anyway, dear Aussies - repent and cut the bull. Or else. There will be no second warning.

As usual - alerting some cat lovers, hoping that they will pass the message.

(*) Of course, all feline inhabitants should ignore it - the evacuation procedures will be made public at the appropriate time. As usual.

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Alerting cat lovers

We, the cat lovers, should be eternally aware of any sign of trouble, especially within our own ranks. When one of us, even an (apparently) amateur cat lover, shows a lack of faith expressed by a statement like this:

Half of our mind knows that Pearl is an unconsciously sadistic little killer.

it is time for action. It is time to take this person in for a re-education. Part of the curriculum will be to explain to the person that we shouldn't attribute purely human behavior (let's make it "behaviour" in this case) motives to cats - they are predators by nature, and no amount of tree-hugging vegetarian brainwashing will change this. Of course, the other part of the training will be to ingrain the understanding of the fact that pigeons are just a subspecies of rodents, accidentally equipped by wings and should be exterminated at any opportunity. And if Pearl (PBUH) considers it to be her duty to reduce the population of these revolting creatures - more power to her.

Anyway, I am alerting some devoted cat lovers/servants to the situation. No need to become physical at this stage, I believe.

On my side, I am assigning our chief hunter to the case. She agreed to serve as chairperson of the forthcoming re-education program.

The Big One was also consulted, during his usual postprandial deep meditation session.


The presentation of the case I made to him was honored by two responses (which is way above average):

1. A rather nervous movement of the tail (approx. 3 cm) at my mention of the locale (UK) of the case - TBO has little patience for cold, wet and foggy places.
2. A slight twitch of the left hind leg at the end of presentation, meaning a general approval of the measures being taken.

Let's be hopeful. With sufficient attention to details and some minor brainwashing, the subject will see the light. Eventually.

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