28 February 2007

Iranian Foreign Minister's Slip of the Tongue

As the Iranian threat is again being thrust into the limelight, it is high time the Elders reminded the readers of this revealing slip of the tongue (via Memri):

We emphasize the peaceful nature of our nuclear weapons... I mean... of our nuclear power plant, and nuclear energy and activities.
A Freudian slip?


Boy, aren't such hate and rage hazardous to one's health?

Free in Iran

An interesting thought from an Iranian liberal, Ramin Jahanbegloo:

Sartre starts his essay “The Republic of Silence” in a very provocative manner, saying, “We were never more free than under the German occupation.” By this Sartre understands that each gesture had the weight of a commitment during the Vichy period in France. I always repeat this phrase in relation to Iran. It sounds very paradoxical, but ‘We have never been more free than under the Islamic Republic’. By this I mean that the day Iran is democratic, Iranian intellectuals will put less effort into struggling for the idea of democracy and for liberal values.

Jewish Americans Oppose War in Iraq Most Strongly

It is often asserted that the sole reason why the US went into Iraq is, in a word, Israel. The Zionist lobby in Washington hit the necessary buttons on the dreaded world domination panel (peace be upon it), instantly propelling the Bush administration into action and spelling the beginning of the war in Iraq. However, according to the recent Gallup poll, Jewish Americans oppose the war most strongly, and their opposition goes beyond their traditional alignment with the Democratic Party.

An analysis of Gallup Poll data collected since the beginning of 2005 finds that among the major religious groups in the United States, Jewish Americans are the most strongly opposed to the Iraq war. Catholics and Protestants are more or less divided in their views on the war, while Mormons are the most likely to favor it. Those with no religious affiliation also oppose the war, but not to the same extent that Jewish people do. The greater opposition to the war is not simply a result of high Democratic identification among U.S. Jews, as Jews of all political persuasions are more likely to oppose the war than non-Jews who share the same political leanings
Something just doesn't add up here, does it? Maybe the Elders could shed some light on this fishy affair in the next press release?

27 February 2007

Israel and Pakistan

The vast majority of “critics” of Israel, ranging from those who simply believe Israel is in the habit of mercilessly and deliberately wronging Palestinians to those who are opposed to the very existence of the Jewish state, invariably employ double standards in their arguments against Israel. (These individuals should in no way be confused with those who put forward legitimate, constructive criticism of the state. Israel is not immune to it.)

In this post I would like to deal with some of the arguments pushed by the Muslim brigade, using the highly effective method of drawing parallels and analogies.

1) Israel is often accused of being a “pirate” state, formed a few decades ago and supposedly out of the blue. Thus, it is a deeply “artificial” entity which has to be dismantled to restore the authentic, natural situation in the region. Yet Muslims at the same time will happily accept and applaud the existence of Pakistan, also created a few decades ago (a year before Israel) and arguably like a bolt from the blue. Moreover, its history and roots as a state are far less impressive than those of Israel – you can’t think of a more artificial, pirate country indeed. Why such double standards?

2) Israel is also accused of bringing untold suffering into the region. Ignoring for the moment the fact that Arabs themselves are inflicting incalculable suffering upon the region with abandon, Pakistan and India are also battling bitterly over the land. The existence of Pakistan has no doubt proven to be detrimental to the wellbeing of the region. (Kashmir had been ruled by Hindu people and Sikhs prior to the introduction of British rule.) Muslims will never advocate the dismantlement of Pakistan, will they?

3) Pakistan is trying hard to seize the disputed land by force and Muslims all over the world do not appear to be outraged and appalled by the fact. Therefore, it is safe to assume that Muslims do view the use of force to gain land as a legitimate enterprise. But, when it comes to Palestine, such use of force is seen as a violation of human rights, as a brutality, an atrocity, unspeakable cruelty, isn’t it?

Thus, double standards are blindingly obvious - which is hardly unexpected - and Muslims' arguments are appallingly one-sided and inconsistent. Perhaps they should be informed about the implications of the arguments they press.

26 February 2007

Muslim Preacher Kills Pakistani MP Over Veil

Pakistan’s battle with Islamic extremism intensified yesterday when a fanatical religious preacher shot a woman cabinet minister for not wearing a Muslim veil at a public meeting she was about to address.

Zilla Huma Usman, Punjab’s Minister for Social Welfare and a strong campaigner for women’s rights, died on her way to hospital. The 36-year-old had previously invoked fundamentalist wrath for organising a marathon in which women were allowed to compete.

There are many aspects of the Muslim Faith and the social framework it creates that are absolutely incomprehensible as well as morally unacceptable to me personally. To exemplify, I have been struggling ceaselessly and fiercely to gain insight and ultimately understand the perverted mindset which rules that it is perfectly permissible to murder human beings - the crime, I am convinced, whose gravity is unparalleled - because rigid, mechanical notions of sexual morality have not been upheld.

To be sure, there is no denying that sexual morality is of paramount importance and should not be neglected, and the manner in which people behave in their sex lives can have far-reaching consequences and is "revealing", inasmuch as it influences the way a given person relates to the world at large and to society in principle. It is, however, secondary compared to - and is easily dwarfed by the importance of - the way people treat the vulnerable, the poor, the disabled and fellow human beings in general.

Hence, I am invariably dumbfounded when people start bellyaching about the perceived moral meltdown in the West, referring, naturally, to sex and nothing else. These sentiments are especially widespread in the Muslim community, although our own, home-bred sanctimonious individuals are deeply implicated as well.

Personally, I was awed by the response the infamous tsunami in Indonesia had garnered, by the way the West had rushed to the rescue of those affected by the tragedy. I am proud of the Western respect for human dignity and the value it places on human life — to cite just a few shining examples.

The Western civilization is far from being sinless, and yet it has a lot to celebrate and ultimately be proud of. Whatever problems we have, Muslims have no right to occupy the moral high ground. There is practically no or very little freedom in most, if not all, Muslim countries; “infidels” are treated like dirt while women like cattle; most terrorists are Muslim; tolerance is unheard of in the region — the picture hardly instills much hope.

The above-mentioned tragic incident has only served to strengthen my current understanding of the matter and perplex me further. Did the MP really deserve to die because she failed to put on the veil and massage the preacher's ego?

Female Israeli Soldiers

Rachel Papo has an excellent photo gallery of female Israeli soldiers, captured in a variety of settings and scenes. You can flip through the gallery here.

Carter Says Most Americans Agree With Him On Israel

Not only is Carter The Clown abysmally uninformed about the on-the-ground situation in Israel as well as the manifold intricacies of the conflict, but he is also living in La-La land where the American public's opinion is on his side.

Jimmy Carter defended his new book on the Middle East on Thursday against sharp criticism from Jewish groups and said a majority of U.S. citizens including many Jews supported its main proposals.

Nevertheless, the actual facts paint a fundamentally different picture:

A Gallup poll surveying US opinion on geopolitics singles out Israel as only foreign nation Americans feel favorably toward and also say that what happens there is vitally important to the US.

Americans remain most favorable towards English-speaking countries – Canada (92 percent view it as mostly favorable), Australia (89 percent) and Great Britain (also 89 percent). Additional countries the majority of Americans view favorably are Japan (82), India (69), Israel (63), Mexico (60), Egypt (60), Russia (53) percent and Jordan (51).

The country viewed as least-favorable by Americans is Iran (9 percent), followed by North Korea (12), Iraq (15), Palestinian Authority (16), Syria (21), Afghanistan (23), Cuba (25), Pakistan (28), Saudi Arabia (35), Venezuela (41) and China (48).

Carter, it appears, doesn't know the first thing about the US, despite the fact that he once was the country's President. The People's Republic of California as well as the Eastern Bloc States constitute but one side of the country's complex character and, if considered alone, present a rather skewed, inaccurate picture of "normal" America.

25 February 2007

It was done on purpose, I say

Some people have laughed off the Peretz' capped lens incident.

Goes a long way to show how gullible some people are.

Being of a typical Elder's paranoid mind, we see a deeper meaning in this story. Pay attention to this:

The photographer said Peretz gazed through the capped binoculars three times, nodding as Ashkenazi explained what he was looking at, the British Broadcasting Corp. said.
We say Peretz has done it on purpose. He is hoping to be listed in history books with a very few (GWB is one of them) VIPs who perpetrated the lens cap gaffe.

After all, what else could make his name appear in history books?


A perversion of felinity

This was sent to me as a challenge:

The attached message said" "Let's see if your cats know how to do this!".

I addressed the challenge to our cats:

"Any cat come playing whatever to me when I am resting between meals [which is most of the time - ed.] is pretty much a dad cat"

"That [unprintable] calls herself Nora? I would [unprintable] tear her [unprintable] apart for this! Such a [unprintable] behavior to entertain these [unprintable] creatures who should feed us just for being us?"


24 February 2007

New line of export and old line of import

Why should he continue to waste his talents and what's left of his relative youth on the Israeli electorate? His comrades in the Likud scheme to undermine him. His former comrades in Kadima miss no chance to demonize him. His potential coalition partners in Labor want nothing to do with him.
This is Bradley Burston about Bibi Netanyahu. And his proposal is:
It's time for Benjamin Netanyahu to do what he was made to do. Run for the U.S. Senate.
The idea is not brand new, I must say. Somebody has already came up with it several years ago, I just cannot be bothered to look it up. Bradley, however, went a step further and prepared some preliminary figures for Bibi to look at and to choose the most suitable state. No bad at all.

Still, this is not exactly breaking a new ground. However, at the end of the article Bradley made a remark that has triggered a really new idea in the Elders' HQ:
Once this matter is settled, an issue which has remained unresolved for decades may yield to solution: Which European nation should crown Shimon Peres its ceremonial head of state.
And the idea is simple: export of second-hand politicians as a new line of business for the government. An activity like this cannot be delegated to a private company. Same as we prefer to keep the export of all kinds of military machinery under a tight control of the ministry of defence. A politician for export should be classified somewhere between a small warship and a whole wing of jet fighters, depending on years in service, rank and destructive potential.

Since we have a heavy arsenal of fairly lethal second-hand politicians, the outlook is excellent and we expect this new line of export to become very profitable.

If, however, the market proves to be too bearish, the Elders could always take over the activity, resorting to our world domination routine. This means that the politicians in question will be simply distributed to various countries according to the need (as we, the Elders, perceive it), the urgency and the availability of suitable accommodations.

And speaking of destructive potential, it seems that above mentioned Peres becomes a real menace:
Vice Premier Shimon Peres toured the northern border yesterday with GOC Northern Command Maj.-Gen. Gadi Eisenkot. "Hezbollah took a major blow in the war and is far from returning to its previous condition," Eisenkot said.

Peres said he was aware that weapons were being smuggled to Hezbollah, "but having arms isn't the same as having power," the vice premier said. "The problem isn't the weapons, it's how Hezbollah is being directed."
The quote above shows clearly that Peres already has to be ranked as a weapon of mass destruction.
Peres added that arms shipments to Hezbollah via Syria are continuing. "There is a route for transfering knowledge, weapons and terror agents, and the route passes through Iran, Syria and Hezbollah," Peres said.
Hezbollah as a link in the supply chain of the weapons leading to Hezbollah... The last quote indicates that he is reaching the critical mass and should be relocated as far as possible, better to a country in state of war with Israel - to avoid the bother of warranty period and customer complaints.

Regarding our customary import, here is the latest example:
A large-scale suicide bomb attack in the Tel Aviv area was prevented yesterday when police and security forces arrested an Islamic Jihad militant and his associates at an apartment in Bat Yam. The militant told police where the explosive device he was supposed to use in the attack was located and the bomb squad found the large explosive device in a garbage can in the center of Rishon Letzion.
It seems that thanks to the major effort of the police and Shin Bet, a lot of lives were saved. And more - this import transaction has been already paid for:
Undercover Border Police troops killed an Islamic Jihad commander in the West Bank town of Jenin on Wednesday, one day after a suicide bombing attempt he allegedly ordered was thwarted in Tel Aviv.
We hope that the promptness of this business interaction will show our business partners in the Islamic Jihad that the responsibility usually belongs to the managers that should rethink their position on the whole issue of their export activity.


Is Global Warming Our Brainchild?

I was passively flipping through the Ynet's copious archives the other day, when I suddenly clapped my eyes on the following headline (which, quite frankly, made my hair stand on end for a moment):

Are we guilty for global warming?

My initial desire was to yell at the top of my voice, "What #$%^er leaked the information to the press?" However, I was forced to subdue my unbridled anger, when it became crystal clear that the Elders, against all odds, have managed to keep our ongoing activities under wraps.

We humans do a lot of damage to environment, but climate changes are not caused by human activity.
On a serious note, Ynet would be well advised to choose headlines more carefully and thoughtfully, as some of us are highly sensitive to anti-Semitism and the attendant "Jews did it" claptrap. Spare our nerves, will you!


This annoying question has been shamelessly bugging me for quite some time already, and I hope informed readers will clear up the resultant confusion.

What's the likelihood of a country with the world's second largest oil reserves needing nuclear power? Surely even the most naive among us have to concede that it is approaching zero?

23 February 2007

More on Abdel Kareem Soliman

The four-year jail sentence of student blogger Abdel Kareem Soliman for the crimes of "contempt for religion" and "insulting the president" has dealt a harsh blow to the Egyptian blogosphere and free speech in the Middle East in the Internet age.
More about Abdel Kareem Soliman by Sandmonkey on PJM.


Searched and Found

There is nothing like idly surfing the vast expanses of the Internet after an exhausting workday. Unfortunately, the solemn ritual doesn’t always provide one with the desired repose.

Yesterday, I, as a matter of routine, headed for Yahoo! to search the Net for interesting bits of information on a wide variety of issues and, more or less on a whim, typed the word “Jew” in the search box (we, Jews, like to bask in our glory, don’t we?). Apart from supplying me with tons and tons of websites, Yahoo! kindly offered me a number of suggestions to particularize my search. Here they are:

To be a little bit more specific:

“Jew Watch” is a notorious website run by an accomplished anti-Semite whose principal goal is to pin the blame for practically everything that is wrong in the world on the Jewish community. Needless to say, I do not intend to provide a link to the residence of the said hater.

“Wandering Jew” has successfully passed the test, as it seems to be related to the name of an innocent plant.

“Kay Jew” initially left me confused and bewildered. Further investigation has demonstrated that the search must somehow be connected with a certain Mary Kay Bergman – a “Catholic Jew”, although I am still looking for alternatives to the conjecture. WTF?

“The International Jew”, a book authored by Henry Ford, needs no formal introduction and is known to every Jew at least vaguely aware of the ABC of anti-Semitism.

In short, when an unsuspecting net surfer decides to acquaint herself with the Jewish people, our history, religion, culture, she is encouraged to pay a visit to “Jew Watch” or thumb through “The International Jew”. Is it a proper way to dive into the Jewish world?

To throw more somber colors into the story, these suggestions are not taken from nowhere – Yahoo!, I gather, simply lists the most common searches containing the word “Jew”. It truly speaks volumes about the way we are perceived in the world.

Who is responsible for controlling the media again? The slacker should be given the boot as soon as possible, to avert a major disaster befalling our cherished world domination.

P.S. On a lighter note, you can find the following ad in the “sponsor results” section:

Western consumerism and materialism at their best (worst)!

Sound the bell again, professor

It is an old story, and I don't know its source:

A professor of anthropology visits a Bedouin camp to investigate this or another habit of the tribe. Feeling thirsty, he looks around for a well and finds it. Near the well he observes (professors usually observe, you know...) a donkey with a bell on its neck walking around a pole and powering a water pump via a system of pulleys, levers and whatnot attached to it. The donkey walks, the bell dingles, the water gurgles - a sweet country idyll, in short.

Suddenly professor is struck by a thought. He looks around and finds an old Bedouin resting in the shadow of a palm tree a way off. Approaching the elder, professor asks, after a usual ceremony of introduction and all the mandatory exchange of polite questions: "Tell me, wise elder: that donkey - what would happen if it stops walking around the pole and instead just shakes its head from time to time? After all, no one is watching it."

"You see," says the wise Bedouin, "that donkey here is not that clever. If it were clever enough to do what you say, it would be already a professor in a university".

And the reason I was reminded of that story is a new "investigative report" on the human rights abuses in the occupied territories by Israel. The report is issued by one John Dugard, a South African law professor who is the UN's special rapporteur on human rights in the Palestinian territories. The report is quite long, some of it is true, some of it is based on the say so of the people the learned professor interviewed, nothing of it is new.

No, Israel is not lily white, I am not even trying to hint at this possibility.

But the report, besides not contributing a iota of new information, continues the line of endless "Israeli apartheid" sound bites. It is especially poignant coming from a white South African (some kind of guilt transfer or what?). And the way our professor, not even being an anthropologist, comes to the "apartheid" label is:

After describing the situation for Palestinians in the West Bank, with closed zones, demolitions and preference given to settlers on roads, with building rights and by the army, he said: "Can it seriously be denied that the purpose of such action is to establish and maintain domination by one racial group (Jews) over another racial group (Palestinians) and systematically oppressing them?
How exactly Jews and Arabs are split into two racial groups is up to professor to explain. Probably a short course in anthropology will not go amiss in his case. There is another pearl of wisdom, this time squarely in professor's professional bailiwick:
Israel denies that this is its intention or purpose. But such an intention or purpose may be inferred from the actions described in this report.
Interesting what would happen if professor Dugard were trying a case in a court of law and attempting to prove someone guilt (or innocence) by inference? I am afraid that both the case and the professor's law diploma will be thrown out into the nearest garbage bin.

And what would you say about the objectiveness of an "investigator" that dismisses the arguments of the other side off hand in the following manner:
He dismissed Israel's argument that the sole purpose of the vast concrete and steel West Bank barrier is for security. "It has become abundantly clear that the wall and the checkpoints are principally aimed at advancing the safety, convenience and comfort of settlers," he said.
In fact, it is not only the manner of the dismissal, but the language in the quote above, that stink to high heaven. It is proved beyond doubt that the (yet unfinished) border fence has already drastically reduced the terrorist acts inside the Green Line. And not a week passes without a wannabe martyr or two being caught at a checkpoint. So whom exactly our professor is calling "settlers"? Isn't he adopting the Hezbollah lexicon that refers to all 6 million Israelis as "settlers", by any chance?

Israel is certainly heavy-handed in its behavior and there is much to be improved in our treatment of Palestinians. To call what Israeli does "apartheid" and to ignore the basic right of the Israeli citizens to be safe is just another link in the endless UN-manufactured chain of sounds that serve no positive goal. Aside of providing our worthy professor with a useful occupation - albeit a monotonous one, somewhat similart to the one described in the donkey's story above.

So - shake your neck again, professor...

Cross-posted on Yourish.com


Short religious massage?

Cryptic, isn't it? Anyway, believe it or not:

Closing ceremony of the short massages of Ashouraei grievings (The tenth day of the holy month of Muharram in Which the Shiites' revered third Imam, Imam Hossein (AS) was martyred) will be held at the Thought Hall of the Hozeh Honari in Tehran on Bahman 30 (February 19).
I really don' t know: I would prefer my massages to be long and relaxing, but it is a matter of taste. On the other hand, no one has massaged my "grievings" yet, it must be a whole new experience!

And now let's stop this nitpicking, really. Let's talk about some serious things. Like what happens to an SMS of a holy nature when it passes through one of these insidious Israeli - developed Motorola or Intel CPUs? Something like this could easily happen:

Oh my dearest majestic Imam Hossein! One pproni pzza no anchvy Zhbtinsky str. 12 Rabinowitz pronto. [smiley]

And who could know the consequences of such a "massage"? Armageddon could be triggered easily these days, you know...


Have you ever wondered?

Of course, all of you clean out your spam folders in the e-mail setup of your choice from time to time. And of course, your hand, coarse as it has become in this mass destruction war against the spam folder contents, does not hesitate before clicking the "Erase" button.

However - have your ever experienced this moment of indecision while doing this? Have you ever considered, even for a second, that one of these posts that are so lovingly prepared, targeted and launched at you, could be a real McCoy? And that your future could have been something that this guy in the cubicle near you moans and drools all day long?

And I don't mean the endless offers of enhancing pills, after all we all have already ordered as much of this stuff as possible without the stuff overflowing our drawers. I am talking about news like this one:

Your email address successfully won our computer balloting sweeptake [sic!] 2007. You have been approved the star prize of five hundred thousand Great British Pounds.
Or about what is obviously a series of love letters from somebody named Veronica Martinez. I don't know Spanish, but each second word is "amor", and I was told by an authority in this matter that it is definitely not about improvement of my social life - related parameters, it is rather the next step.

Or this lady enchantingly named Josepha Carmella, who sends you long lyrical mails with soothing subjects like "Dirty Autumn with wet panties"...

Or a mail from one Lisette Winter with an intriguing subject "on oleaste": what if, when you click on it, your life will turn a corner, the fanfares will go off and new stunning horizons you never dreamed about will spread before your wide open eyes?

No, don't click, you idiot, it was only a...



22 February 2007

Does it look familiar to you?

Sorry for the inconvenience.

You've stumbled upon a temporary problem we're having with xxxxxx Mail. Usually this problem gets resolved quickly, without you doing a thing. In fact it may be taken care of now.

I don't want to get sued by these folks who sold me this specific mail service. I especially don't want their trigger finger to twitch on the left button and delete my mail accidentally. So it is xxxxxx for now.

"In fact", it is getting me all het up for about a week already. More or less every 10 minutes or so.



Abdel Karim Suleiman - 4 years for blogging

Abdel Karim Suleiman, a 22-year-old former law student who has been in custody since November, was the first blogger to stand trial in Egypt for his Internet writings. He was convicted in connection with eight articles he wrote since 2004.

An Alexandria court convicted an Egyptian blogger on Thursday for insulting both Islam and Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak and sentenced him to four years in jail over his writings on the Internet.
This is another case when an oppressive regime takes a petty revenge on a blogger. This is another case when all bloggers, no matter of what race, age, gender or political affiliation must spread the word of protest.

Today it is Abdel Karim - tomorrow it could be you!

Spread the word around - before it is too late.

Watch Sandmonkey's place for updates.


Don't monkey with shlemazl

You could find a better, less painful way to show the world what an asshole you are than arguing with this.


From permafrost to the desert

It has been a great pleasure for me to help clarify statements in the Qur'ân about human development. It is clear to me that these statements must have come to Muhammad from God, or Allah, because most of this knowledge was not discovered until many centuries later. This proves to me that Muhammad must have been a messenger of God, or Allah.
The above quote doesn't come from a new book on science by an Iranian Ayatollah or by an Egyptian Imam or even by that maverick scientist Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. It is a quote from a speech made by Dr. Moore, Professor Emeritus, Department of Anatomy and Cell Biology, University of Toronto. Distinguished embryologist and the author of several medical textbooks, including Clinically Oriented Anatomy (3rd Edition) and The Developing Human (5th Edition, with T.V.N. Persaud)... etc., the list of all the titles and honorifics rivals any member of a royal family.

My interest in the learned professor was triggered by his article posted in Kavkaz Center, the Chechen mouthpiece. There is one and only one reason this media outlet (or rather outhouse) will post a science-related piece. And the piece proves that abundantly clear.
People used to ask the prophet Muhammad all sorts of questions about the meaning of verses referring to human reproduction. The Apostle's answers form the basis of the Hadith literature.
Indeed, the old man used to do a lot of field work on reproduction, experimenting on test cases that other scientists would have rejected as impossible (like that 9 years old girl and some such). So of course people tend to turn to good ole Muhammad for advice in this delicate area of activity. And advice, as our learned professor has discovered, was provided in abundance and according to the latest advances in embryology... of 21st century.

There are a lot of examples in that article. To take one:
"Then We placed him as a drop in a place of rest."

This statement is from Sura 23:13. The drop or nutfah has been interpreted as the sperm or spermatozoon, but a more meaningful interpretation would be the zygote which divides to form a blastocyst which is implanted in the uterus ("a place of rest").
A smasher, if I ever seen one. Not only was Muhammad familiar with his nutfah, he knew his zygote and was perfectly at ease with its (the zygote's) division into a blastocyst!

Amazing what you could achieve with a holy text when you are equipped by a deep knowledge of the modern science (or, at least, a good dictionary) and a burning zeal to please your hosts. Unless, of course, you just want to take them for a three year long ride in the desert. This is how long Professor Moore worked with the Embryology Committee of King Abdulazîz University in Jeddah, Saudi Arabia, helping them to interpret the many statements in the Qur'ân and Sunnah referring to human reproduction and prenatal development.

The rest of the article is a long list of such smashers from the holy book, interspersed by "seems to indicate", "implies that", "seems to imply", etc. In other words, by a clear indications that our professor either has some vague feeling of talking crap or, which is also quite likely, has gone bonkers. Totally raving mad. Out to lunch without a return ticket.

And to sign off that long litany of crapology, comes this final statement:
The interpretation of the verses in the Qur'an referring to human development would not have been possible in the 7th century A.D., or even a hundred years ago. We can interpret them now because the science of modern Embryology affords us new understanding.
I don't know what to say. Could it so happen that a physical body transferred from the Canadian permafrost to the desert heat of Saudi Arabia, just cracks due to the extremely high temperature difference?

Calling on Transmontanus and BEAJ for assistance...


It's going to become a habit, then?


1. An established custom
3. (religion) a distinctive attire (as the costume of a religious order)
Oh, well, it is just a prolonged attempt to build up a pun. Besides, we are talking here about a habit of a different kind: that of some British criminals (or, as it may happen, terrorists) to recall two things in their moment of truth:
  1. That they belong to the religion of peace
  2. That women are people of equal rights and, if you apply some elementary logic, men then have the same rights, including wearing women's clothes, especially religiously sanctioned ones (burka or niqab, as it happens)
Video images of one of the alleged July 21 terror plotters escaping disguised as a Muslim woman in a burka have been released. Yassin Omar fled London in the traditional Muslim women's dress the day after he made a failed attempt to detonate a rucksack bomb on a Tube train near London's Warren Street station, Woolwich Crown Court was told.
So: is it becoming an established custom for Muslim male criminals in Britain to wear female Muslim's distinctive attire of that religious order?

Now figure out the pun. I am not sure there is one, though...

P.S. More on the subject here - from DSTPFW by Scribbles.


21 February 2007

Wow! That was gross!

From the Yahoo News home page:

Surely Olmert does not look that bad, even when calling for tougher Iran sanctions?


The cognition trap

That headline above was rather a trap that Alex of False Dichotomies set for himself with that "The recognition trap" title in CIF. Usually well balanced, this time Alex, in my opinion, let his dreams about a peace settlement to get the better of his reasoning.

Condoleezza Rice is visiting Jerusalem, but nothing will change until the Quartet drops its demand for Hamas to accept Israel's right to exist.
This is the main premise of the article. To get there, Alex starts the buildup of the article from acceptance of the fact that recognition is the mandatory step in the peace process:
There are many reasons for the moribund state of Israeli-Palestinian relations at the moment, but the central issue is that of recognition. ... If the Palestinian government refuses to recognise Israel, it cannot expect Israel (and by extension many of Israel's allies) to deal with it.
No argument here, also I am even ready to go a step farther than Alex did: let's start the negotiations without a formal recognition, which will come as a mandatory step in the peace agreement time table. It could be defined as a first step in the future agreement or, knowing our neighbours, as a second - after cessation of all acts of violence.

However Alex is going one step further, dedicating the rest of the article to the issue of Palestinian recognition of Israeli right to exist which is, indeed, one of the Quartet prerequisites
to the start of negotiations on final settlement. To start with, Alex attacks the legal / formal part of this request:
But it's not that simple. The issue of Palestinian recognition of Israel has been deliberately conflated with another idea - that of Israel's "right to exist". This is an unknown concept in the international system, and seems to have been invented by Israel/America in the 1970s...
(I have deliberately omitted the rest of the sentence, since it contains a claim that is neither here not there and disregards the real chronology of the events besides.)

Then Alex builds a wobbly logical bridge, using the following statement:
Asking the Palestinians to accept the right of Israel to exist is akin to asking them to accept the moral legitimacy of its creation.
One can agree or disagree with the above (I, personally, disagree), it does not matter. What matters is that this doubtful logic is used to continue the analyses - not of the "right to exist", but of "legitimacy" (which is not mentioned as a term by anyone of powers that be - aside of CiF commenters and other raving anti-Israelis). Anyway, having successfully replaced "right to exist" by "legitimacy", Alex goes goes now into legitimacy and uses as a supporting source none other than Noam Chomsky - the last person I would refer to for support of any logical construction. But this is Alex's choice, so let's look at what Noam the Mastermind has to offer:
I don't think the notion of legitimacy of a state means very much. Is the United States a legitimate state? It's based on genocide; it conquered half of Mexico. What makes it legitimate? The way the international system is set up, states have certain rights; that has nothing to do with their legitimacy.
Indeed, Alex (Noam): states do have certain rights, and that has nothing to do with their legitimacy. Unfortunately, that sound bite has nothing to do with the "right to exist" (or with little else, for that matter), so it was just a bit of a wasted space. Unless the quote was brought up to strengthen the article by the fact of its presence, it is immaterial to the issue at hand.

Let's cut to the chase, Alex and admit that you are fighting a strawman here. Had Hamas declared that it does recognise the State of Israel and is ready to stop the violence, no excuses and no amount of American pressure would have worked to delay the negotiations. You and I know it. Hamas would not have even to mention the infamous "right to exist". As you know (I hope), all it took Arafat to get his exalted statesman status was a verbal statement of recognition, not even followed up by a real change in the Fatah paperwork.

Another point is that the right of a state to exist is rather an easier bar to jump over than that of recognition. Recognition implies an agreement to the other party's existence, if you use some elementary logic: one cannot recognise what does not have a right to exits, can one?

Back to that "invention" of the right to exist by Israel/US in the seventies. You are falling into the trap many blind pro-Palestinian supporters fall, that of detaching the present from the past. I would dare say that in the seventies, when Arafat was at the peak of his "throw the Zionists into the sea" histrionics, the question of right to exist had some relevance. As it has now, with Hamas regressing to the same position. But again, the act of recognition would have made it irrelevant. Since recognition is hardly forthcoming, I have to agree with this:
If this is the case, then the Palestinian tragedy looks set to continue.
Too bad.

Guardian leader - another satisfying burp

Unlike most of the cases, today's leader of the Guardian started with a passage that made me speechless:

The meeting yesterday in Jerusalem between Condoleezza Rice, Ehud Olmert and Mahmoud Abbas was the first such three-way encounter since the summer of 2003. That might suggest that the prospect of serious negotiations between Israelis and Palestinians has somewhat improved. But it was also a classic example of the futile circling around the issue of formal recognition of Israel which has inhibited any real movement in this damaged and stalled relationship ever since the emergence of Hamas as a major political force.
To make it clearer, it is the relative balance of the last sentence in this quote that sent me reeling.

But no, it was a false alarm, as it became clear after a few lines:
Whether this [Israeli and American] insistence is a matter of principle, a consequence of the limits of what is politically possible in Israel and America, or, as many suspect, a means of avoiding negotiations which neither Israel or the United States really wants, the result is the same.
Move on, people. Nothing more to see here.


20 February 2007

You make peace with your enemies

I have chosen this title on purpose: to attract people on both sides of the political divide. To make some of them happy (for a moment) and to anger others (for a moment).

Because the wisdom of this slogan is not an absolute. It does not work all the time in all circumstances.

What to do when your enemy does not really want to make peace? Read here.


Progress or no progress?

Trilateral summit ends with few signs of progress, says JP pessimistically in its headline today, posting a picture of the business-minding troika:

Haaretz is non-committal, however in their picture it is all light and smiles all around:

I must say that Olmert's smile looks a bit unnatural, but it could be due to that eye surgery he went through not long ago.

Ynet is real upbeat, claiming that Rice says Olmert, Abbas reaffirm commitment to peace. Their picture, however, is another matter:

Being a low quality one, it leaves a lot of room for imagination: have they discovered one of the last Olmert's hairs in that cake (or whatever it is)?

Anyway, these are public images available to everyone. Elders, however, are not satisfied by public information alone. Our agent was infiltrated into the meeting (if you look at the first picture, you can discern a slight bulge in the US flag between Condoleeza and Olmert). And here is the first stunning result from under that table:

Due to severe case of spatial disorientation, the agent cannot swear to the ownership of each hand. We have our suspicions, however, that we are not yet ready to make public.

An additional, even more revealing picture, is ready for publication:

This one is even more confusing, and the agent is currently being thoroughly debriefed. We do not exclude the possibility that the agent is moonlighting as a wedding photographer, but we definitely do not encourage the private use of the operational equipment!

In any case, the analyses of the pictures continues and we'll keep you posted. But meanwhile: no matter who is the owner of various limbs presented in these revealing pictures, we could be sure that everything was done to make the atmosphere peaceful and relaxed.


This wonderful boom boom world

One day in headlines:

66 killed in India train blasts

Three killed as bombings rock southern Thailand

Bomb Explosion in Southern Thai Province Kills One Soldier

St Petersburg bomb blast injures six

Iraqi bombings kill at least 18

Bomb blast in Pak courtroom, 13 killed

Man wounded in pipe bomb explosion near bank in eastern Malaysia

No injuries reported after second bomb explodes in southeastern Iran

And in one case there already are political repercussions:

Bombs force French chef out of Basque area


19 February 2007

Haniyeh and Abbas - together and alone

The image gallery below reflects on the real feelings behind the birth of this defective child called Palestinian National Unity Coalition (PNUC, PNAC, go figure them all).

On the first one above Haniyeh and Abbas are together, laughing their arses off. Clearly the reason for their hilarity is that they have succeeded in putting one over the Quartet that will have to get their shit together on the subject of whether to recognize or not that defective child...

Left alone, however, Abu Mazen / Mahmoud Abbas is rather less jubiliant. "What kinda lemon I was sold here?", he asks himself on this picture.

And this is the real attitude of Haniyeh toward his pardner: "Wow, this will be one monstro booger to flick at that effing picture on the wall!".

P.S. The middle picture (of grieving Abbas) filched from Soccer Dad.


Robert Adler, 93 - his memory be blessed

Hit the mute button for a moment of silence: The co-inventor of the TV remote, Robert Adler, has died.
Millions of men* will die with a smile hovering over their lips blessing you and your invention, Mr. Adler.
"People ask me all the time, 'Don't you feel guilty for it?' And I say, 'That's ridiculous,' " he said.
It is people who ask that question that are ridiculous.
"It seems reasonable and rational to control the TV from where you normally sit and watch television."
It is very rarely that truer words were said. RIP, our savior and patron.

(*) The author does not feel authorized to talk in the name of the other gender. The true nature of female attitude to the remote control device is unclear to him.


18 February 2007

How to beat one's wife

This is not a new subject, but it somehow escaped my attention. More is the pity, since it really opens new horizons. Watch this first:

Clearly the learned cleric knows the subject at hand, so to say, very well, and not only in theory.

It appears that there is a growing body of work on the subject in Islam. Both the theory and practice of this, seemingly unsophisticated, way of marital communication are developed and formulated to satisfy the most curious and inquiring mind. Let's start with the fundamentals, which could be conveyed to a person in a hurry in three simple steps:

  1. If the husband senses that feelings of disobedience and rebelliousness are rising against him in his wife, he should try his best to rectify her attitude by kind words, gentle persuasion, and reasoning with her.
  2. If this is not helpful, he should sleep apart from her, trying to awaken her agreeable feminine nature so that serenity may be restored, and she may respond to him in a harmonious fashion.
  3. If this approach fails, it is permissible for him to beat her lightly with his hands, avoiding her face and other sensitive parts.
If this is not absolutely clear to you (and I can hardly see how it could be made clearer), you can read the other, more evolved essay linked above. I believe that the video clip above proffered enough guidance on the implementation of the beating as such. It is very sensible, and for a less sophisticated Western male could be summarized in a jiffy: do not leave traces of any kind on the spouse - these traces may lodge you in the nick for various periods of time, and you may want to avoid this.

For more demanding and sophisticated of us, there is a refined and nuanced approach more suitable for a refined and nuanced Western society. It is offered by the learned Sheik Al-Qaradhawi, one of the bosom buddies of the Red Ken Livingstone, which by itself is an excellent recommendation:
Beating is not suitable for every wife; it is suitable for certain wives and for other wives it is not. There is a woman who cannot agree to being beaten, and sees this as humiliation, while some women enjoy the beating and for them, only beating to cause them sorrow is suitable…
So, as you can see, my friends, there is more psychology to the beating of your spouse that you could have guessed initially. Obviously, one could do worse when choosing his first (or next) wife according, between others, to the above mentioned proclivity as well.

The esteemed Sheikh shows the unfathomable depth of his wisdom in another statement:
It is forbidden to beat the woman, unless it is necessary...
If you do not feel the same way, you obviously could not become a good Muslim. Forget it.

But the sophistication does not stop here. There is more material that a Western man can learn and use - all according to the measure of his understanding, of course. It appears that in the countries that are not (yet) totally embraced by Islam, the rules of male's behavior are even more complicated:
Mufti of Egypt Sheik Ali Gum'a: Wife-Beating Is Permitted by Islam in Muslim Countries, but Is Forbidden in the West. ...If in their culture, this constitutes aggression towards women, then we are forbidden to be aggressive towards women.
This complicates the decision making process of the male, making it a real exercise in applied philosophy. On one hand "It is forbidden to beat the woman, unless it is necessary...", while on the other "then we are forbidden to be aggressive towards women".

Of course, to resolve the quandary, I am going to consult with SWMBO. She will tell me how to behave for sure.


I did approach SWMBO. The results were severe. The first step (gentle persuasion) was skipped, and steps 2 and 3 were applied to me in a quick succession, while there was no avoidance of my sensitive parts. My personal conclusion is that I should dedicate more time to the study of the Islamic materials on the subject. There is obviously something missing in my understanding of the subject.


Haveil Havalim #107 - excuses, excuses

This us a year of new trends in HH: first a short story of thriller or romance variety, then a new habit of providing a litany of excuses. Jack of the Jack's Shack focused on his daughter as the main excuse, and I thought it was a good one as excuses go. But now we are dealing with a past master of this delicate and nuanced art. Yid with Lid will become now my mentor in this discipline, I swear. Just take a look at this (partial) list of excuses:

  • Wife's illness (hope it is already history)
  • No Hebrew keyboard to do Gematria exercises
  • Family in the other room watching a Saturday Night Live rerun
  • Realizing that he just can't do this (probably linked to the one above)
  • Declaring himself a failure at hosting Haveil Havalim (this was a feeble one, really)
I must also mention that the excuses are skillfully blended into the text, so it gives you quite a start to find tears dropping on your beloved (Hebrew or not) keyboard, without quite realising why it happened. Talk about subliminal influence...

Anyway, after all these excuses the real thing starts, and all you need now is lots of time, attention and money.

Why have I mentioned money? Er... force of habit and to let some people to confirm the Jewish stereotype. Just go there and enjoy yourself.


Same body? True...

"Iran and Lebanon are two parts of the same body, and only through cooperation between our two nations will it be possible to foil the conspiracies of the enemy," Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad said Saturday.

Be it as it may (we are not as strong in biology as Mahmoud here - after all, he found a cure for Aids recently, so...), there is one problem - this united body has a problem of two flaming assholes pushing the body into the abyss of war.

Anyway, as you will be able to see clearly on the next picture, the greatful public seems to be lapping up each word coming from the asshole on the left:

You can feel the electrified atmosphere and the enthusiasm in the air. And what this valiant peace fighter is saying?

Hezbollah leader Hassan Nasrallah said Friday that his organization is entitled to secretly transfer arms in order to fight Israel, and that he will not forgive the Lebanese Army for seizing last week an arms-laden truck that belonged to Hezbollah. Nasrallah said "we have plenty of weapons ... and we have the right to transport our arms to combat Israel." Nasrallah said the arms transfers are carried out in secret in order "to hide them from the Israeli enemy."
Clear, innit?


British Jews, British Muslims and love's obligations

Mr. Grumpy of Christian Hate? speaks rarely, but when Mr. Grumpy speaks, you better listen.

Hear, hear!

I promise it is miles above anything that IJV gang produced or ever will.


17 February 2007

The curse of the Jew

The Big Pharaoh. Absolutely nothing to add.


Apolitical post

I hope it is not taken as an attempt to intervene in the election campaign. It is just nice to see that some folks in US of A have not lost their art of cruel jokemanship.

Via AI.


Indy: all in a day's work

About 24 hours in the Independent's life (er...), and even an amateur fisker (that's me surely) doesn't have to make any special effort beyond reading the headlines.

A pair of headlines describing a rather pitiful backpedaling exercise by Fisk:

Lebanon slides towards civil war as anniversary of Hariri's murder looms

Do you feel the expectant tension of a scribe preparing for a usual, Wagnerian style depiction of rivers of blood? And then:

War-weary Beirut marks Hariri death with peaceful rally

The frustration resembling coitus interruptus is clear, but the money order for the waste of newspaper columns is on the way, so no worries.

Discovery of mosaic halts work at Jerusalem walkway

It is plainly a lie or, at least, a sample of journalistic sloppiness, since the works stopped for purely political reasons, but who cares? Donald Macintyre surely doesn't.

Not in our name: campaign launched against Trident

A powerful coalition of 100 scientists, lawyers, church leaders, actors, writers and MPs is today demanding a halt to the rush by Tony Blair towards a replacement for Britain's Trident nuclear weapon system.
Where is a similar powerful coalition protesting NK and Iranian nuclear efforts? Doesn't Indy think that this question should be asked? I know, I know - it is rather too much to expect, what with Red Ken being prominently on the list...

Dark side of paradise: the islands that lost their innocence

The (undeniably tragic) double murder on Cape Verde caused this loss of innocence to an island that, according to the author of same article, was for centuries a center of slave trade and a place of exile for Portuguese Jews...

So much crap in so short a time... Isn't there some law in UK that could be applied to this case? Say, grievous bowel movement in public? Or something?



It is a long time since I have last treated our customers to an edition of especially remarkable searches that bring some of the surfers to this here blog. Time for a refresher. So, here are the questions and our answers - earnest and to the best of our humble abilities and knowledge.

Q. Humour Ahmadinejad?

A. Yes, lots of - a regular comic, should start doing it full time.

Q. Spawn of the devil?

A. Right place, right question. And the devil himself is here too.

Q. Judaism and food elimination?

A. Judaism is all for food. And for elimination. Not for food elimination, though...

Q. Throw a wrench in my bailiwick?

A. Gladly. Keep your head down meanwhile.

Q. Diego Maradona committed adultery?

A. Not here anyways.

Q. Jews awesome?

A. We sure is.

Q. Life without testicles?

A. Could be arranged, call us for a follow - up meeting. Home visit possible.

Q. Diego Maradona love Israel.

A. Yeah, like I love being knocked on the nogging by a phone pole. What is your beef with Diego, anyway?

Q. Pray jews behave powerful greedy dislike?

A. Prozac time, amigo. Let your dear and near tuck you in and have a refreshing wank.

Q. Gilad Atzmon Israeli agent?

A. OK, this operation will have to be rolled up, it is out in the open now...

Q. Real Jews dont like Zionists?

A. Real Jews eat Zionists for breakfast. Bones, buttons and kippas included.

Q. Hummus flatulence?

A. Oh boy. Think vulcano...

Q. Bernanke another Jew?

A. Nah. He is just making out like one. With our help too...


More fractionation of "progressive" Jews

Fractionation. Yes. Believe it or not, but this is what the dictionary says. No fractionalization, no fractioning, and fractivity is outta the door. But fractionation sounds surprisingly fitting, since it is the great Judeo-British community that is being reaped apart into myriads of tiny fractions.

The process is akin to reproduction of amoebas by fission. The only difference is that the two resulting amoebas grow up a bit toward the next split. And the British Jews just continue splitting in their unending quest for media attention, so I wouldn't be surprised if in the near future we'll have a single person split into two or more political fractions (each one hating the others, no doubt).

And here we have another one. Independent Jewish Boyses it is called, and it is a bit different. While, like any other fraction, they have issued their Manifesto, this one is generic and could be reused by the future new progressives as a blueprint. Just change a few slogans and presto - you are set up and can e-mail it to all your friends.

There is one small problem with the last sentence. The number of friends keeps going down, since each blessed one of them is busy setting up a fraction of his/her own, so beware...

Back to this IJB gang of three. Seth, Josh and Alex - doesn't it sound like a hard core of a rock band? There are two remarks I, as a benevolent Elder, wanted to make (now stand up and straighten these slouching postures of yours - this is not Hampstead here):

  • Croissant is definitely out - it is totally non-kosher. Put latkes in.
  • No logos, icons and any other self-promoting graphic shit. This here blog already looks like a redneck car's bumper, so full of stickers it is. A link is enough.
  • You will leave the JJhsFFS... er... JFFJS... no, what is really their effing name, no matter, that gang where Deborah roams, alone, you hear? It is for the Elders to deal with.
At ease now. Carry on.


16 February 2007

Talk to me in flowers

That is a quote from a popular Israeli song. Probably some of the more entrepreneurial members of ISM, that peace loving pro-Palestinian do-gooders group (in fact, much less pro-Palestinian than anti-Israeli and anti-American), after picking up a few words in Hebrew, decided to turn this phrase around.

These days they are trying to cause a boycott of the flowers produced in Israel. More about the boycott later, but suffice to say for now that they have started this campaign in a BIG (Boycott Israeli Goods) way.

And look who is joining them now: no other than Deborah Fink of a famous and shrilly JfJfP (no, my fingers are not stuttering). JfJfP - an odious enough outfit by itself, that we, the Elders, carefully and quietly nurture (where would you find something else that ridiculous?). Deborah, however, is one especially virulent strain that even its mother ship is trying to disassociate itself from lately. The awkwardness between Deborah and JfJfP started when the former decided that the usual whining anti-Israeli melody of the latter is not enough, and some stronger words are needed. To this end Deborah issued the following statement:

"Israel does not deserve to be called 'The Jewish state'. It should be called 'The Satanic state.."
That was (a bit) too much for JfJfP, and blah blah blah and yada yada...

Anyway, the mating call of the BIG was answered by Deborah immediately.
Meanwhile, a new Jewish group has emerged to support BIG. Deborah Fink, a member of Jews for Justice for Palestinians (JfJfP), said she had set up Jews for Boycott of Israel Goods (J-BIG).

"I wanted to do more on the boycott and wanted JfJfP to do it but couldn't push them into doing it so in the end I started my own group and agreed last month to join up with BIG," Fink told the Post. "I have about 30 signatories, which I know sounds small, but we have only just started."
After a short mind-reading session with Deborah, we believe that we have located the source of the attraction. It is mainly the name of this new initiative. You should keep in mind this:

If you haven't understood the hint yet, Deborah is, how to put it gently... there is no way to put it gently: she is barely higher than a sitting medium-sized dog. This including that very special hat she sports. We (the Elders) are not sizeists, but size in this case played a major role. Suffice to look again at that quote above to see how important the issue is to Deborah: J-Big, small, etc.

As many diminutive folks (Napoleon and that Kim fellow come to mind), Deborah wants to do big, to lead that minuscule gang of We-are-good-Jooz-not-like-them-uncouth-Israelis to the new levels of denial. She forgets that she has many other minuscule competing groups in UK (why is that so in UK is a mass psychiatry issue, to be studied separately).

So, being the Satanic arm of the Satanic state, we think that we have to teach Deborah here a lesson. To this end we plan to capture her, take her to the nest of the uncouth Zionists to brainwash her and to feed her exclusively foodstuff grown and processed on the occupied territories. With stress on hummus and pitas that will ensure that Deborah coming back will be not only a thoroughly Zionist Deborah but also a much bigger Deborah. And calmer, too, as a bonus.

And it is not flowers we'll be talking to her...

Oh, and re the flowers boycott and how to deal with it - see here.


The long arm of JP and the mystery weapon

I always enjoy a good blooper, don't you? And Yaakov Katz of JP, may he live till 120 and continue supplying goofy material for this blog, does not disappoint. This time under a headline Halutz stopped advance of vital arms, he tells a real shocking story:

Development of a weapons system that could have been used against Hizbullah during the second Lebanon war was halted in 2002 by Chief of General Staff Lt.-Gen. Dan Halutz, then commander of the air force. Development of the system has now resumed on the orders of the current IAF commander, Maj.-Gen. Elazar Shkedy, The Jerusalem Post has learned.
Now undoubtedly you will be eager to know what matter of a vital weapons system is that one?
The system is not intended to harm civilians, and is being developed according the International Mine Action Standards.
Apparently being harmless to civilians is the only feature of the system that the censor allowed to publish. Most probably, The System is intelligent enough to distinguish between innocent citizenry and a Hizbullah "activist". Some special genetic machinery or whatever. But other than that, there is nothing more about this mysterious weapon. So, aside of delivering a fairly weak kick to the departing Chief of Staff, the purpose of the article is unclear.

To strengthen the message, JP editors added to the article two pictures: one of Halutz saying shalom to his office and one of a row of Merkava tanks.



15 February 2007

Separated at birth?

I do have a vague feeling that I have already seen it somewhere. That is, on Aussie Dave's, of course. If so, my apologies.

I hope it is clear to all which one is Jabba The Hutt and which is Binyamin Ben-Eliezer (Fuad) of our Labor party fame. If not, a thinly veiled hint - one of them is on the left.

Kudos to SV.


Kahane str. 0 : 1 Sandmonkey

Sandmonkey and I agree on lots of stuff without ever talking or even exchanging mails. Like now, when Sandmonkey says The Israelis have the worst PR people ever. I cannot agree more.

Sandmonkey is referring in his post to the unfortunate idea of some genius in Or Akiva municipality to name a street after the infamous rabbi. Of course, many of Or Akiva residents were irked by this effrontery to good taste and common sense. What next - a street named after "rabbi" Moshe Arie Friedman?

But to console myself and Sandmonkey - a quote from the current Or Akiva Mayor Simcha Yosifuv:

It's a dead-end alley...
Indeed. The same could be said about some people's brains...


Kingdom of Israel - back to the future

This is an announcement from the Elders' HQ:

  1. Affirming that the current government of Israel is totally dysfunctional
  2. Based on a deep belief that there is no viable alternative, even the one extensively argued for here
  3. Seeing that all politicos are self-obsessed, lying, hypocritical no-goodniks
The Elders thereby declare:

A. The so called Israeli democracy null and void

The entity that has been theretofore known as "State of Israel" is now reverting to its only natural status of "Kingdom of Israel". All political parties are dispersed as of this moment, all card-carrying members of those parties are to present themselves to the nearby police station for assignment to a kibbutz or moshav for a job in agriculture and/or general chores, according to abilities.

B. The Queen

To avoid the whole murky business of natural descendants, a new royal family will be imported. The prime candidate - Yulia Tymoshenko - was selected due to scientifically measured total lack of interest in Israeli affairs and some other characteristics that can be safely considered superior even to these of the late Golda Meir.

There is no doubt in the Elders' mind that Ms. Tymoshenko displays all the qualities of a regular politician (see item 3 above). However, a specially trained detachment of the Elders HQ will be assigned a duty to keep an eye on her. We are happy to report that there are enough volunteers for this arduous task.

B.1 The Queen is to be addressed as Queen Yulia. Bowing, kissing hands or generally staring is not necessary and not encouraged (see C).

B.2 What Queen Yulia says - goes. Elders will make sure of it.

C. Capital punishment

Restored. See also B.2

D. Would you rather prefer this one for a king?

Case closed.

UPDATE: Due to pressure from some people of female persuasion related to the Elders in this or another way and some personal safety considerations, the final decision on the best fitting candidate for the Queen's post is postponed. Applicants for the position are welcome to send their CVs with attached photo (full length, colored, at least 2 megapixels) to the e-mail address posted on this site. Only the suitable candidate will receive a response.

UPDATE 2: No more pictures in the nude, please - we are not that kind of outfit!