01 November 2006

Circle the wagons, people - Caroline is coming!

I realize by now that it was a major mistake to read this article by Caroline Glick so early in the day. Instead of starting the day with a leisurely cup of coffee, the usual comics pages and slowly getting into the daily routine of the Elders' Hasbara sweatshop, I let my roving eye to fall prey to that headline.

Yeah. Israel is encircled. We have borders on most sides, the blue Med to the West and just a pinch of the Red on the puny Southern tip. That's roughly the picture, if you catch my drift. We are limited by the top of the atmosphere from the above. Our ability to dig in deep into the ground is somewhat restricted by our digging machinery: even taking into account the deepest basements and all kinds of bunkers the military folks dig (just in case, you know), the average extent of our downward mobility remains the same slightly depressing six feet. On top of all these natural issues, we have our cousins surrounding us, most of them seeking this or other kind of redress for some real or imaginary mischief we have been associated with during the last five thousand years or so.

So yes, I was aware of all these existential problems and somehow came to a kind of equilibrium. I have managed to get through a day without going into a nervous breakdown more than, say, two or three times. I have learned not to chew my fingernails all the time, use an unbreakable steel pencil and the bumps on my forehead caused by knocking it on sharp corners are almost gone.

But here comes Caroline with that unfortunate article, and I realize that I am a mere baby in everything concerned with despair. Just look at it:

  • Mahmoud the Mad is going to exterminate us in five to six months by his nukes, while Europeans cluck, Russians (aren't they Europeans too on the side?) deal and wheel and Bush adheres to the sanctions. And, of course, Olmert and Livni procrastinate.
  • UNIFIL protects Hizballah, its German element is hostile and launches helicopters while its French element wants to use on IAF planes some anti-aircraft machinery they have, probably, just built and are itching to test out. Again, Olmert and Livni cheer the UNIFIL instead of ... what?
  • Egypt, on their side (which one is it, let me see - ah, here it is) brought in 5,000 policemen, all armed to the teeth and just waiting for a whistle to descend on poor IDF like a ton of... whatever. Peretz, Olmert and Livni sleep on the job, and it is hard to decide what is more frightening.
  • For some reason Caroline does not mention the red-toothed Syrians sitting on our fences ready to pounce (do Syrians pounce? Must check.) and the stealthy Jordanians skulking in the bushes on their (or, maybe, our too) side of the Jordan river. Probably the editor cut this part out due to excessive length. And Peretz, Olmert and Livni do what? Nada. Zilch. Gurnisht.
And now I am totally in despair, folks. No way to run and no means to hide. The only solution Caroline seems to offer is to circle our wagons and sit tight, but I don't even have a wagon - just that crappy Citroen!

I am closing the shop temporary due to total despondency and lack of Maalox.

So long...