29 November 2006

So clear the vision...

Guido Fawkes goes all sarcastic here about the latest eruption of Baroness Jenny Tonge.

She's back in the news over her comments at the Lib Dem conference that the "pro-Israeli lobby has got its financial grips on
the Western World" and on "our party". That's right, Jen. They also spread typhus, don't they?
In the Elders' headquarters somebody high up there has decided to put straight (oh well, in the Elders' way, of course) a few issues re the Baroness that got skewed during the last years. So it is up to me now.

First of all, there is nothing wrong with Baroness' vision. Of course, we got the fucking grip on the world! We, the Elders, are no slouches, we. As that anonymous guy on Guido's place says in comments:
The pro-Israeli lobby has got its financial grips on the Western World. To know this is to understand everything.
Right you are, onanimous!

On one count we failed, though. The mission we have been trying to get on its way for many years, namely to get a grip on the Baroness, failed miserably several times. The operatives who succeeded to get close enough either quit of committed suicide. I will refrain from stating the reasons here. We are now training a myopic half wit. So maybe it will work out eventually.

Speaking about suicides, there is another point to clear:
She's the one who opined that if she had been born a Palestinian she'd probably have become a suicide bomber. Go for it, girl!
The Baroness is not guilty. Some time ago we have used our best trained mind control team:

Their mission was to plant in the Baroness' brain a conviction that she is a Palestinian martyr-to-be full of desire to commit suicide. We have provided the explosives, the map, everything (indeed, as Guido mentions, the trigger words were "Go for it, girl") - but there was a hitch: while the desire for suicide was successfully implanted, the belief in being a Palestinian was totally rejected. The reason for it appeared to be painfully simple: every morning our Baroness jumps around her bedroom gleefully shouting "I am a Baroness", thus creating an impenetrable mental block. Very frustrating. But at least you know now the reason our Baroness keeps yakking about the suicide, while never actually getting to it.

Now to the less known episode from the Baroness' life story:
She recently received criticism from George Monbiot for a verbal attack in the House of Lords on the Gana and Gwi Bushmen of the Kalahari. She suggested they were trying to "stay in the Stone Age", described them "primitive" and said they were "holding the government of Botswana to ransom" by refusing to be evicted from their lands.
No, she is not stupid, racist or venomous (well, maybe just a bit of the latter). That is just another proof of Baroness' unerring instinct: our people, these Bushmen, one and all - the best undercover operatives coming from this allegedly lost Hebrew tribe. So you see how clear her vision is by now, I hope.

Any questions?

To Andrew Ian Dodge.