11 November 2006

A new solution to excessive femininity

When we study the religious rulings, which are related to the woman's movement in the public reality and the femininity aspect of her personality, we notice that Islam did not prevent the woman from enjoying her femininity.

Oops, this was a mistake. The Elders are not of the studying type, being as they are more of an outdoorsy, pro-active field operatives' style. That is, unless it is about us, poor grunts in the Hasbara, but this is another story. Anyway, the above was a quote from one of the foremost Islamic minds of the millennium. Or so they say, so let's do it again as a quote:

When we study the religious rulings, which are related to the woman's movement in the public reality and the femininity aspect of her personality, we notice that Islam did not prevent the woman from enjoying her femininity.
Much better now. After all, this is only a small crumb from the treasure of intellect and knowledge of the foremost... oh, I have already mentioned it, anyway, from the Hon. Sayyed Muhammad Hussein Fadlullah (PBUH), whose mere dust we, simple mortals, are unworthy to lick off his sandals. And this crumb comes from a priceless discourse by - let's call him HSMHF for short, OK? - on an undoubtedly exciting subject:

Women must not show their femininity in their social interactions

Frankly - I was startled by this bold and, to tell you the truth of my initial reaction, somewhat suicidal in my eyes, statement. After all, who are we, mere men, to tell our women what they must or must not show in their various interactions? Wouldn't we be taking our fate into dire straits, saying something of the sort to these women who, after all, are of some temper and ability to make that temper implemented swiftly and mercilessly?

But I continued to plow with determination and valor through the whole discourse. Not that it was simple: such philosophical heights are not for a simple Hasbara rank and file. Take this, for example:
Islam did not permit the woman to use her femininity as an element of her movement in the public or private relationships in the society.
Feminity as an element of movement? And in public or private relationships to boot? What kind of movement is it in these relationships and how is it accomplished? Questions, questions...

But, with Allah's help, I think that I have mastered the article, got to the bottom of its essence, got it all - lock, stock and barrel and it changed my life forever. I have internalized statements like this one:
The man may exploit her weakness or she may be affected to some elements that may push her to deviate. In other words, we may say that: she is the exploited party; therefore, we have to warn her in order to protect herself.
And I must tell you: if the above is not a sufficient warning for you, let's see what will be the effect of the following:
We have to impose restrictions on man's liberty, to ensure that his interests are best served. However, every person will be desperate when he is deprived of any of his freedoms. But if he enjoys these freedoms without any limitations , they might clash with others' freedoms and he will end up in losing many of his freedoms in a chaotic manner.
No! I shall not let my freedoms go in a chaotic manner! I have seen the light, and made my own preparations to retain these freedoms. With some assistance from one of the leading fashion designers, I have developed a new universal women's gown that will shortly become the ultimate in the pure Islamic fashion. And here it is unveiled (no pun intended) for the first time in history:

Notice the carefully crafted first-of-a-kind features, like:
  • Strategically placed armholes that facilitate easy access to any kitchen implements or other items of interest to the owner
  • Wide and artistically rough eyeholes
  • The cleverly designed upside down "Furniture" claim and "UP" arrows pointing down that, taken together, will completely mislead, confuse and generally discombobulate any male fiend having dark designs in regards of the owner's freedoms
  • The bottom flaps that are to cover the owner's feet when walking
Various optional accessories, such as hooks for carrying purchases, food and small children (up to three years old) inside the gown, casters attachable to the bottom of the gown for the ease of movement and many others could be chosen from the catalogs.
Several additional colors are currently being reviewed for approval by the Islamic Purity Commission.

I am confident that this gown is going to bring an ultimate solution to the disturbing influence that woman's femininity may have in her movements in the public reality as pertains to the variety of freedoms and deprivation of thereof.

Today I am going to start negotiations with SWMBO having as a goal to persuade her to eschew her current wardrobe in favor of the new Pan-Islamic gown.

I shall keep you posted on the outcome.

to our colleague Elder of Ziyon.