23 August 2006

It's pain, but really it is not so bad. Or is it?

OK - we'd like to erase that smirk of absolute satisfaction from our (the Elders', that is) collective face. But this is difficult to impossible, as the last stage of our diabolical plan (stage 2) of world domination is coming to fruition.

Especially when even the Guardianistas, grinding their teeth, are forced to acknowledge the fact of our total and final victory. Of course, they try to present this fact as some minor local matter, of no import to the rest of the world, but even they could not be that short-sighted. It is no more a matter of denial: we are convinced that they see the near future knocking on their doors already, it is just that they loath to say it loudly and in the open. No matter, we can take this headline for now:

Swazi men queue at clinics to find a cure for Aids - through circumcision

Research cited by Clinton suggests simple procedure reduces chances of infection

This is one of many areas of expertise of the old boy. Besides, he was taken care of by an expert, so no mistakes here.

The procedure takes 30 minutes under local anaesthetic. The patient waits a further 30 minutes to monitor bleeding. An hour after the operation, a pleased Mr Shabange left the clinic. "It's pain, but really it is not so bad," he said.

And Mr Shabange is right - as far as he and his friends are concerned, there is nothing to worry about. However, the procedure could be simplified in some special cases, and then...

The demand for circumcision rose last year when local press reported the findings of a South African study showing circumcised men to be 61-75% less likely to be infected by the virus.

Aids, shmaids - come on, folks, we all know who is behind all this noise, don't we? After all, the Elders were already accused in inventing and spreading the Aids virus, so it does not have to take a big shot Pulitzer level journo to connect the dots, see what I mean?

So, the second half of the match goes to us as well, and there are no replays or penalty time. The globe is ours - why, it is another matter, we are not that sure ourselves...

Now, about the near future knocking on the Guardianistas' doors. We intend to leave you somewhere for the end of the list, guys. Meanwhile, taking into account the possible different levels of pain during and after the surgery, please reconsider your behavior. A list of suggestions will be sent over shortly , and you shall have some lead time to repent and to mend your ways. Just for starters - begin learning the words of Hatikva*. The music is undoubtedly known to you, after all it was stolen from Smetana. And forget bacon and other treif - it is reserved solely for the Elders' operatives in the field from now on.

Oh, and two more things for you to remember:

  1. References to the previously performed circumcision are not taken into account.
  2. Please, no sudden moves during the surgery - the New Administration is not responsible for the results in any way.
  3. * In Hebrew, of course, it goes without saying.


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