03 December 2006

The plight of Ziggy

Ynet reported on the plight of Ziggy the cat dryly and unemotionally, doing what a good journalist is supposed to do:

Fluffy Israeli cat wanders into cargo ship traveling from Haifa to Britain, spends 17 days as stowaway without food, water, until vessel docks in UK. Ziggy the cat used up at least one of his nine lives after surviving for 17 days without food on a 2,300 mile voyage that took him from northern Israel to England.

"When the container was finally opened, staff unloading it got a real surprise when this fluffy white cat shot out," said Colin Barton, the local authority's animal health officer who helped capture Ziggy.

Ziggy's background or owners remain a mystery as he had no collar or microchip, but the RSCPA believe he is someone's pet because he is so friendly. He will now stay in quarantine in Britain for six months as a precaution against rabies.
Let's take a look at a few excerpts from the yet unpublished versions of the story as prepared by different media outfits in Israel.

Jerusalem Post (Caroline Glick?):
Ziggy the cat and our deluded leaders

This laughable parody of Prime Minister, Ehud Olmert, cautiously expressed his hopes that Ziggy will be let free by this arch-enemy of Jewish feline species - the RSPCA. No, this is not a joke - this delusion has actually set its roots in his feverish brain.

While Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad offered Europe to forget about Israel, while Syrian tanks are concentrating near the border, and Hezbollah is arming with long-range missiles even its 10 year old children of both sexes - Olmert is betting on RSPCA!

And what about our Chief of Staff? Instead of studying the aerial maps of the RSPCA HQ and preparing the first strike option, he is busy covering his backside and avoiding decision making.

No, there is one man and one man only who is able to save our Zionist hero Ziggy. The man whose name I cannot pronounce without a delicious shudder...
Haaretz (Amira Hass?):
Ziggy the cat you didn't know

The complacent Israeli public, led by the nose by its tame media, does not know and does not want to know the truth. Including the truth about Ziggy, the Zionist militant, and his "heroic" exploits in the occupied territories.

Yes, Ziggy was a regular Jewish tomcat, with his dreams of becoming a fur trader and a father of a large number of kittens and of proving his staunch character to all the neighboring tomcats and even dogs. All this before joining up with a group of Zionist settler cats that have shown him the "errors" of his way. There is no need to describe the various exploits of Ziggy - the trail of ripped off fur and devastation, the food stolen from the kittens' mouth, the killings of poor defenseless village tomcats, the rape, the scentmarking of the territory that for hundreds of years belonged to other pe... tomcats - all this speaks for itself.

And now, with his tail in the vise, Ziggy is playing a wronged innocent. Undoubtedly it is the Mossad handiwork, and Ziggy will bear the full brunt of the law now. No, my heart will not skip a beat when the verdict will be announced.
Elsewhere (Uri Dan?)
Operation "Soft Paw"

It was cold in the desert on that night of December xx, and the old wound from El Sharmuta's battle kept bothering the general. His eyes were locked on the red dot on the map, as were the eyes of other senior officers in the room. London... The general knew about London, although it took him a while to find it on the maps. Just the other year his wife returned from a shopping spree there - how exalted was she, telling her friends about the superb shops, the tea houses, the real British food. Poor Sarah - it is good she got a chance to change her mind about Brits - this heartless colonial power she fought in their Hagana days shoulder to shoulder with Motke. In fact, Motke is me, remembered old general with a slight shock, I have to keep it in mind.

A young paratrooper colonel entered the tent, trying simultaneously to scrub off a thick layer of machine oil from his hands by a rag. That darned F-15 is fixed, general, it is like new now and we are ready to go. We can get to the final briefing.

Good to know, and somebody remind me to have a talk with the ground crew of that plane when we are back, said the general, infusing a heavy dose of sarcasm in his words. Now listen: the Hercules with three APCs disguised as London cabs is going to land at Gatwick under a pretext of an engine problem. The six F-15s will circle at 28 thousand feet, refueling from the passing passenger jets as needed. My HQ plane, disguised as a Virgin flight from Damascus carrying holiday-makers on the way to San-Fernandez, will circle above the island of Jersey, in radio contact with all units.

When the APCs reach their destination, you may meet some canine resistance. These RSPCA bastards are not above training some of the dogs as killer guards. Be gentle, but firm and use your judgment and noise suppressors. Now regarding this Colin Barton character. There is no need to kill him - a good beating will do, but only after you secure Ziggy. And remember - no uniforms - everyone is to be dressed as a football hooligan. Go, and do not come back without Ziggy.

The general stood up heavily and, with the help of two of his staff officers, walked towards the plane that was already revving its engines on the tarmac. The operation Soft Paw was under way.