09 December 2006

I smell sulfur too...

It looks so innocent and, for some of you perverts, even funny:

An American Airlines flight made an emergency landing after a passenger with severe gas problems struck matches to mask the odor of flatulence, an official said.

The flight from Washington to Texas landed at Nashville airport, in the southeastern state of Tennessee, after passengers alerted the crew about the smell of burning sulfur, Lynne Lowrance, spokeswoman for the Nashville International Airport Authority told AFP.

After intense questioning by the FBI, a woman passenger admitted to lighting matches on board the aircraft to conceal her gas, Lowrance said.
Yeah... FBI... I smell sulfur too, but it is the sulfur of a diabolical conspiracy. After the failed attempts to smuggle explosives of all kinds, the arch-enemies of peace have found another way. Of course, it is beyond the poor FBI plods, since this ploy is not in their manuals, but I can see it clear as on a sunny day in Sahara. Don't they see the link between the flatulence, the matches and kaboom?

The terrorists have even their own site where, under the guise of fighting that murderous effluvium that is just waiting for the spark to go off, they actually give advice on the best method of producing the explosives:
Tip 3 - avoid know 'hell raiser' foods like cabbage, beans, sweetcorn, brussel sprouts, spinach, squid and monkfish. Although high-fibre foods are useful in your diet, they can lead to bloating, and unpleasant sound effects, especially when fermented internally with any kind of alcohol.
Whom are these miscreants kidding? As if the addition of the word "avoid" conceals the murderous intent. Pfui!

This should be sorted out, I say. And on your next flight, my friends, watch out for that fatso in the next seat who orders a few brews "to squelch the thirst". Listen to the intestinal rumbling and keep on alert for the scratching sounds, I say...