28 September 2006

Cheap wisecracks

The following articles are collected from the front page of yesterday's CNN on-line edition.

President defiant at Iran-EU talks

The United States, Britain, France, Germany, Russia and China have offered Tehran economic and political incentives if it suspends uranium enrichment, which the West believes is part of a nuclear weapons programme.
I can imagine all this back scratching: "Just a bit lower and to the right, here, here, yes, don't stop, please. Ahhh, what a bliss... So, what else can you offer for my peaceful H-bombs?"
Prostitutes, smugglers a boost Greek economy

Prostitutes and smugglers will give the Greek economy an unexpected boost as their illicit activities will now be counted in the country's official economic output, a senior official said on Wednesday.
So what does this new measure make the Greek PM? Should he be called "madam" from now on? And the interior Minister - does he/she become a chief bouncer?
Zero-gravity surgery 'was success'

A team of French doctors said they successfully operated on a man in near zero-gravity conditions Wednesday on a flight looping in the air like a roller coaster to mimic weightlessness.
Watch next: a team of British doctors removes a boil in a centrifuge under triple gravity.
Illegal cleaner blackmailed judge

An illegal Brazilian immigrant at the center of a love triangle with two immigration judges was found guilty on Wednesday of blackmailing one and stealing a sex video from the other. Roselane Driza, 37, of north London, worked over several years for both judges as a cleaner before being fired in 2004. The male judge was named in court only as Judge I and the female as Judge J. She was cleared at the Old Bailey of blackmailing Judge I, a one-time lover who had described her as "real chilli-hot stuff".
One thing is clear from the above text: there is not enough information there. On the other hand, what you see is quite enough for a few hundred pages of a steamy-hot thriller Le Carre could dream about. Mystery, exotic women, sex, court of law and whatnot - a winner if I ever seen one!
Brother gets 3-year-old sister drunk, police say

MINNEAPOLIS, Minnesota (AP) -- A 14-year-old boy was arrested after his 3-year-old sister was found passed out drunk from hard liquor at home, police said.
This one is a real bad case. Guantanamo material, I can tell you.
Canadian lesbian wants to be boy's third legal parent

A Canadian woman wants the Ontario Court of Appeal to recognize her as the third parent of a 5-year-old boy she's raising with her lesbian partner.
I hope the poor tyke already learned to count. This may become one eternally confused boy, where some basic facts regarding bees and flowers are concerned.
Poll: Most Iraqis favor U.S. pullout in a year

Seventy-one percent of Iraqis responding to a new survey favor a commitment by U.S.-led forces in Iraq to withdraw in a year.

Support for attacks on U.S.-led forces has grown to a majority position -- now 6 in 10
So, 71% of Iraqis want U.S. forces to stay for a whole year and 60% want to attack the same forces. Which means that at least 31% of Iraqis want to enjoy the best of all worlds: both to have the U.S. protection and to kill a few Americans! Doesn't it tell something about Iraqis as well as about occupation?
Muslim anger fear halts opera

BERLIN, Germany (AP) -- A leading opera house called off a production of Mozart's "Idomeneo" that features the severed head of the Prophet Mohammed, setting off a furious debate Tuesday over Islam, freedom of speech and the role of art.
It seems that the Israeli Ambassador offered a solution that is being considered: instead of the severed head of the Prophet Mohammed, these of Jesus, King David and Ariel Sharon will be used alternatively. Being of Jewish origins, these heads should meet a warm approval from the (potential) Muslim audience.