04 August 2008

Tough question from a tough guy

I was somewhat perplexed by the question asked by Gerald Kaufman MP, Lab, Manchester Gorton via the good services of the Letters in The Guardian. Here it comes in full:

Are the Israelis who demand an attack on Iran (Leaders, August 1), which - repulsive though its government undoubtedly is - has never invaded another country and possesses no nuclear weapons, the same Israelis who have launched successive invasions of Lebanon, with much slaughter and huge damage, and possess 200 nuclear warheads?
And here comes Sir Gerald:

First I would like to alleviate some confusion that obviously consumes Sir Gerald. We have lots of Israelis, and the Zionist duties are distributed fairly evenly. Some demand attack on Iran, some launch invasions, some grease the uranium or plutonium atoms in these 200 nukes, some protest the gas prices and some just drive their cars to their offices or their tanks to their usual safari areas. I am sure this will put the Hon MP's (Lab, Manchester Gorton) mind at rest.

Now I, in turn, have some questions to ask Sir Gerald:
  • Is it true that fox hunters tend to anti-Semitic outbursts when provoked in extremely offensive, irresponsible and stupid manner?
  • Do you intend to head the invasion of Israel yourself?
  • Isn't it true that indignation expressed in the much abused format of "Is the X that blah blah... the same X that blah blah..." to the same newspaper in response to another stinky editorial starts to sound a bit trite?
  • How is the weather in Abu Dhabi? Is Zayed Center still hospitable to you?
  • Does your opinion that orthodox Jews are 'infesting' Jerusalem still hold?
  • In a fight between Genghis Khan and Ariel Sharon - who you will bet on?
  • That 'orthodox, but loving' Jewish upbringing you received as a baby: didn't your mom overdo that tush-wiping a bit?
  • Are you already over that "angst about your Zionist past"? You should be, you know...
  • Where does one buy trousers of that color - to match this T-shirt?
  • Are these glasses sold with the nose as a set or purchased separately?
Correct answers will entitle Sir Gerald to a free* spare set:

I am confident that this set will make Sir Gerald completely safe from the representatives of the unspeakable that pursues the uneatable.

(*) Handling and shipment may apply. Brows and mustache guaranteed pre-brushed.