25 August 2008

The horribly beweaponed Georgians and Russian stand-up comedy

It goes without too much explaining that the dream of every general is to die in the thick of a battle, this crowning achievement to be immortalized in monuments, street or at least hill names and other such means of perpetuation. Failing this feat and being honorably discharged, some generals dive into the murky pond of politics, some generals open security-related agencies and some just quietly grow orchids, roses and other horticultural wonders. Whatever.

This picture saved for eternity the first time when a general decided to devote himself to the genre of stand-up comedy, and this before leaving the service.

"We have registered an increase in [Georgia's] reconnaissance activities and preparations for armed actions in the Georgian-South Ossetian conflict zone," Col. Gen. Anatoly Nogovitsyn, deputy chief of the Russian military's general staff, told a news conference.
So the mighty military empire of Georgia has decided, after having its nose considerably bloodied, to make another go at the peaceful Red Russian Army. And our good general wasn't satisfied by the comical effect the above statement obviously contained:
According to information at his disposal, since 2005, Georgian tank numbers increased from 98 to 183, armored vehicles from 83 to 134, artillery weapons from 96 to 238 combat helicopters from three to nine and warplanes from seven to nine.
This must really make the thousands of Russian generals shake in their boots. Imagine the awful din their medals are making. The fragile art of raising a souffle was made impossible for Russian cooks for weeks to come!

Well, I am certain that the good general made an astonishing entry in the entertainment industry. Notice his deadpan facial expression - it's a sure sign of a promising one.

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