30 March 2007

Good questions, Sir Gerald!

It is not that I have anything personal against the British nobility. All these titles, honorifics, shields, swords, plumages and gaily decorated horses are rather pleasing to the eye and to the ear. Besides, it always reminds me of the long history, painstakingly researched and documented genealogy, heroics, King Arthur's tales, etc.

On the other hand, the subject matter never fails to remind me several episodes from Monty Python related to the inanity of some, apparently too inbred, members of the same class. Lately, though, I have started to doubt the theory of inbreeding. It looks like with some characters it is sufficient that the Queen bestow the title on them for their IQ to drop to levels hitherto unknown in the history of politics.

Take, for example, Hon Gerald Kaufman, MP or, in other words, Sir Gerald. Here he is, celebrating with his grateful electorate a victory in the umpteen years of fight to save a... golf course and a golf club from extinction by a murderous business park development:

No, he is not the one sitting - he is the one in the informal clothing, probably ready to tee off as soon as the photo op is over. Unless this t-shirt is for the march in protection of foxes. Or something.

Here is a better picture of him:

(It is the one on the left really, the other one got stuck to it by mistake, probably because it is called noseglassesfortruth. After all, no one will expect a mustache on a Hon MP - really!)

Anyhow, Sir Gerald is taking up a lot of good causes, as you can see. The only fly in his oinment is the existence of the State of Israel that really bothers his (otherwise clean as whistle) conscience and causes him to erupt from time to time. And so it happened that Sir Gerald succeeded to inject a dose of hilarity in the deadly serious subject of Arab League peace proposal. His wrathful response to the article by Jonathan Freedland left Monty Python gang standing. I must copy it here in its entirety and keep it for future generations.

Is the Jonathan Freedland who says that it is essential for peace in the Middle East that the Israeli prime minister, Ehud Olmert, be bypassed, the same Jonathan Freedland who, during last summer's disgusting and disastrous Israeli invasion of Lebanon, said that it was essential for peace in the Middle East that that same ineffable Olmert should have his standing enhanced?

And if the Israelis strip-searched the British consul-general who arrived at Olmert's office in Jerusalem by prior appointment, how would they treat an Arab League representative who turned up in Jerusalem uninvited?

Gerald Kaufman MP
Lab, Manchester Gorton
As you can see, the letter is nothing more than two questions. And just by asking these two questions, Sir Herald has admirably succeeded in conveying several messages:
  1. That he is all het up by the whole Middle East nonsense
  2. That the (possible) proliferation of Jonathan Freedlands causes him a stomach ache
  3. That he sees connections between events that other people don't even dream of
  4. That he hardly understands what this is all about but is angry as a hornets' nest disturbed by a bear
  5. That he is a nincompoop of a highest degree - but of a rather endearing category
He is really endearing with these questions. As a child that one would like to sit down with (or, maybe, to set him up on one's knee) and to tell him (while feeding him some politically correct food, like carrot cake) that:
  • The answer to your first question, Jerry, is yes - this is the same Jonathan F. You see, Jerry, Jonathan wanted to see Olmert stronger then and wants to bypass him now, for reasons that... ah well, have some more cake, dear.
  • The answer to your second question is: them Zionists have indeed something terrible in mind for the Arab League representative, in case one has a misfortune to show his face at the Ben-Gurion airport. Strip search is a child game compared to what they plan. But you must not, dear Jerry, even think what they will do to a noble Jooish-British MP setting his foot in the same place. Woe to such a person... Bad, bad Israelis!
  • Have more cake, Jerry...
  • See, Jerry, this is a cat! It is fluffy and hunts mice.
  • And this is a dog, beware of it.
  • And this is a napkin. Let's clean up that drool, Jerry, here, now who is a good boy?
No, it is definitely not inbreeding, I say. It is the title...