So, who are we?

Who are we and how to contact us?
OK, we know that you will pester us with this stupid question, so here it goes (at least as far as we are allowed to by the Elders). But no more questions, understood? The next asshole asking for more information will be tracked down and dealt with.

GideonSwart

Ex – IAF (Israeli Air Force) pilot. This is the reason his face cannot be shown till this day – IAF regulations. Hundreds of sorties, wounded seven times in the line of duty and twice in pub brawls.

Was forced to retire under a false pretense of using his F-15 jet for personal reasons. As if jumping over the pond to get your spouse a new Balenciaga dress or some trinket is a crime today! But no, these royal jerks in the so-called military police just had to make a showcase out of him. Now we know why, at least (see below).

SnoopyTheGoon

Ex – obstetrician. Treated thousands of aspiring mothers, saving uncounted lives and neglecting his own family (seven wives in a row left him, the last one with a night guard in a circus).

Was forced to retire, after 5 women (supposedly unconnected – ha!) complained that he took liberties with their bodies while they were under influence of the laughing gas. Even when his lawyer proved conclusively that obstetricians do not use laughing gas, the judge, obviously pre-briefed, ruled against him. Now we know why, at least (see below).

TheMaiden

The picture above is the only one in existence; it was taken during the boot camp training course in one of the secret Mossad facilities. Served honorably in many different countries, carrying out the most daring assassination projects. Never used firearms or knives, always relying on that sweet face of hers and the first paralyzing blow below the belt. A certain motormouth who thought he is divulging certain nuclear secrets will never forget the blond wig she used for this specific assignment.

Was not retired, as far as the other team members are allowed to know. She is responsible for the physical protection of the team and miscellaneous Hasbara assignments related to some posters that may get out of line (that means you, bastards, and no firewall will help you!)

KalamazooKid

After many years of fruitful employment as a plumber, KalamazooKid was forced to retire because of an absurd charge of connecting the gas pipe to a toilet bowl under the influence of a few measly beers. The evidence was obviously cooked. The real reason for the burned posterior of the VIP’s body and the segment of pipe stuck in it will be never made public. Now we know why, at least (see below).

WolfieSmith

WolfieSmith, the new member of our team, was born in a Jewish Ethiopian family. At a tender age of 3 years, Wolfie was kidnapped by a cannibal tribe and spent there the next 25 years of his life, feeding mostly on human meat and a rare porcupine, rat or other roadkill. The last ten years of his captivity, WolfieSmith, having a natural aptitude to bullshitting people, served as a shaman of the tribe. A member of an Israeli  agriculture mission passing through the area was intrigued by the atypical bone structure of Wolfie’s face, discovered on Wolfie’s left buttock a birthmark that the Elders genetically instilled in all African Jewish tribes. Wolfie was traded for 250 kg of Canadian bacon presented to the tribe as authentic meat of Caribbean maidens.  On arrival to Israel Wolfie asked for a job that would make his contact with meat minimal, and became a gardener. But a short time after that he was fired and transferred to our team. Now we know why.

WolfieSmith undergone a total change of his appearance and even his color (an ancient Elders’ secret ability). Since his training as a shaman enabled him to cast spells of extremely wide range on any person in the world, it makes him invaluable in the psy-op area, in addition to his talents as a propaganda warrior. 

Our common fate

As you can see now, all but one members of the team were forced to retire from their gainful employment under obviously concocted reasons. Only after a long period of time the Elders decided to tell us why.

It appears that we all are fitting the profile of the small but important link in the chain of world domination – that of the Hasbara (propaganda, as our Soviet colleagues used to say). We are not told what character traits played a decisive role, but we guess that being victims of Turret syndrome in various degrees is one of these traits.

So here we are – ostensibly being protected by TheMaiden and her posse of trained goons, but in reality being just timed for performance, sweating over our keyboards, churning out enormous quantities of Zionist propaganda and in the rare moments of rest remembering tenderly our past. It (the past) looks more and more unreal and remote as days pass, so we can deal with it.

Besides, being paid enormous amounts of money (some of it in gold bars, which is the preferable currency of the Elders) and being allowed to kidnap, rape and torture any goyim we happen to like, goes a long way to reimbursing us for the mental strain. Of course, that fresh blood of Christian babies we add to our menu almost daily is something entirely different from the swill they sell to civilians.

How to be rude to us in a private way?

Yes, we are familiar with your cowardly ways, you gutless baleful anti-Semitic worms, you. So, if you want to say something dirty and/or rude to us, here is an e-mail address: simplyjews at gmail dot com. If your rudeness is of an exceptional quality (and believe us, we are the experts), we even promise to publish your mails or some choice expletives. We shall definitely return the favor in kind and with percentage in any case, you can count on it, you … OK, I shall take that breather…

I am cool now, so the last remark: if you have something nice to say, here are two recommendations:

   1. Do not bother, we do it to ourselves all the time, we are full of self-appreciation. It is the Elders’ shtick.
   2. If after reading the previous point, you still feel like doing it, do it in comments.