20 October 2006

Corpse scam? Up yours, BBC!

BBC heaped scorn galore on the brave unselfish American undertakers who risked their good standing and, indeed, their exalted position in the eyes of the conservative and hypocritical "public opinion", salvaging body parts where possible and transferring them to the needy sufferers.

Seven undertakers in the New York area have admitted being part of a scheme to steal body parts for transplants. The criminal operation saw body parts removed from corpses without the consent of relatives and sold to biomedical companies.
And much more in that wretched article. Of course, the reason for the eagerness of BBC to attack the unsung heroes of the spare parts frontier is easily found in the article:
The body of veteran BBC broadcaster Alistair Cooke was among those used.
No comments required in this case, I am sure.

Anyway, we, the Elders, fully understand and identify with this courageous team of undertakers. What with us being blamed for harvesting body parts everywhere in the world, this operation will be definitely ascribed to one of our departments, and we are ready to adopt it as our own and take the blame.

This is a good time to cast some light on our intentions in this direction. Instead of vesting the delicate business of spare parts in the hands of amateurs, gifted as they may be, we are in the last stages of negotiating with Wal-Mart a world-wide arrangement of marketing the produce provided by us. Soon every citizen in need will be able to visit the Wal-Mart and choose* a liver, an eye, a heart or whatever he/she desires and according to her/his medical insurance or lack of thereof.

(*) Remarks
  • Payment by installments as well as mortgage of a substitute body part (yours or your family member, friend or neighbor) - by arrangement.
  • Food stamps not accepted. Credit card or cash only.
  • Internet orders being considered, however in some cases a visit is required for measurements.
  • A special department for extraterrestrials will be open soon, watch this space.
  • Additional conditions (such as, but not limited to, transfer of ownership on soul) may apply.