08 March 2006

Penis-Melting Zionist Robot Combs

This story was one of the very few we, the Elders, wanted to keep quiet about. Even in the current atmosphere of openness there are some things we prefer not to divulge.

The phrase 'penis-melting Zionist robot combs,' while not widely known, does seem to be growing in popularity. The phrase refers to a mass panic that swept through Khartoum, the capital of Sudan, in September 2003. The people of Khartoum feared that a Satanic foreigner was going around shaking hands with Sudanese men and thereby causing their penises to melt upwards inside their body. In one case a man reported that he was approached by a stranger at the market. The stranger handed him a comb and asked him to comb his hair. "When he did so, within seconds... he felt a strange sensation and discovered that he had lost his penis." The Sudanese journalist Ja'far Abbas interjected a note of scientific rationality into the growing hysteria by making this observation in his column in the Saudi daily Al-Watan:

No doubt, this comb was a laser-controlled surgical robot that penetrates the skull [and passes] to the lower body and emasculates a man!!
I wanted to tell that man who fell victim to the electronic comb: 'You jackass, how can you put a comb from a man you don't know to your head, while even relatives avoid using the same comb?!' ... That man [i.e. the mysterious stranger], who, as it is claimed, is from West Africa, is an imperialist Zionist agent that was sent to prevent our people from procreating and multiplying.

Oh, well, now that this story is out, we must confess. The penises in question were not "melting upwards" into the body of the victims. We have plainly stolen them.

We have used the gains of this diabolical enterprise to express our gratitude to our elite field agents. Kind of a bonus, actually. One that would stay with the person for a long time and make his girlfriends happy.

If you know what I mean, of course. If not, too bad.

There will be no pictures in this post!

Hat tip - Judeosphere.