31 May 2007

Inquiry on Al-Zawahiri health

There are a few signs that the face, beloved by many a couch potato will not appear on our screens anymore. The first hint of trouble appeared on this picture:

Instead of his usual threatening stare, the man appears somewhat forlorn in this snapshot. Besides, if you look closely at the curtain in the background, you could easily discern the slightly unusual six-pointed star pattern, hardly expected in the vicinity of a person who eats Zionists for breakfast. Unless, of course, he was the Elders' inside man to start with, but we have checked the records and there are no signs of his employment history. On the other hand, our archives are notorious... aw, what the heck...

Anyway, either we have already got him or, instead, his habit to start his day with stopping a bullet or two by his forehead (see the ever deepening gouge in the picture) went a bit too far, but it seems that a replacement threatener has been already rolled out.

Adam Gadahn, a California-born convert to Islam and the first American to be charged with treason since the World War Two era, appeared in a video posted on the Internet. "Your failure to meet our demands ... means that you and your people will, Allah willing, experience things which will make you forget about the horrors of Sept. 11, Afghanistan and Iraq, and Virginia Tech," said the bearded Gadahn, addressing his comments to President George W. Bush.
To remind you, Adam Gadahn aka Adam Perlman, is a sad story, obviously starting with a failed abortion attempt (and that with a prominent urologist for granddaddy!), then an apparently troubled childhood in a Christian-Jewish family that was partly spent on a goat ranch outside Los Angeles (which may explain his attraction to goat-rich parts of the world) and eventual conversion to Islam after an overdose of heavy metal.

Anyhow, his sudden rise to the position of an official Al-Qaida spokesman seems to be a poor replacement of our hands-down favorite, Al Zawahiri.

While in the picture above the youngster shows some rudimentary ability to use that finger, so masterfully displayed by Al Zawahiri, the production in general is very disappointing and unprofessional. We seriously doubt that anyone, leave alone the advertisement-hungry giants like Pepsi, Coke and Preparation H people, will jump on this poor opportunity.

So, to make the long story short - we want Al Zawahiri back and immediately. The customer is always right, please remember it, dear Al-Qaida producers. Otherwise - forget about Coke ads, and no more free Preparation H samples.

It will learn them, I swear...