11 May 2007

Roseanne Barr blasts?

I must make a confession: while not an avid watcher of the box, I have had some more than passing acquaintance with endearing shenanigans of Roseanne of ABC's Roseanne. Not that I have watched too many episodes, but the image of the heroine remained in my memory - I am afraid forever.

And how could one forget a person of such caliber? I mean, it is a rare case of a lady who deserves a zip code of her own. This is clearly a "larger than life" situation, whatever it means to you perverts.

Unfortunately (?) I did not have an opportunity, or a need, to learn more about the engine behind this fascinating screen character. And only my self-destructive habit of surfing through my favorite sites (Conspiracy Planet is one in this case) caused me to take a look at the origins of this singular representative of the species. It appears that Roseanne Cherrie Barr Pentland Arnold Thomas (let's not be sizeists, but in this case the size of the name is strangely fitting) is more than just a pretty face. She is definitely a thinker of the same caliber as her gir... OK, enough of this. Let's move to the proof of that last statement and only afterwards take a closer look at the person.

The proof comes in the form of an article in Conspiracy Planet titled "Roseanne Barr Blasts Zionism And Israel" (no link, as usual, to a cesspool like this one, but there is a link to the original blog entry). So - a double barreled blast in the direction of Zionism and Israel from an artist of an arguable ca... import - why not take a look? Strangely, the style of writing reminded me of the insidious "How I spent my summer vacation" so much that I could easily imagine Roseanne bent into a question mark with her nearsighted face about 7 centimeters (2.756 inches) from her notebook, tongue sticking out, licking her pencil nervously... Noticeable is her original treatment of the capital letters (must be a result of some childhood trauma, I guess). But let's start (keep your barf bags ready).

I think the zionists made a huge mistake when they factioned the left in germany.
That one gave me a start. Even my spiritual leader Leon T. never blamed the Zionists in that mortal sin, so it must have happened long before his advent, at the time of city-states or even earlier, when the last mastodons were croaking of the heat of the global warming.
Zionism was the last nail in the casket of European jewry. The arab's protection is the only reason any holy site remains in israel.
Even now, when (I think) I have succeeded to separate the two statements, the sequence gives me shivers ("Mommy mommy I want a cookie and Tommy made me watch him pee from his thing he calls it prick what is for dinner mom").
The jews line up to stone women who try to access those sites. I saw it with my own eyes.
Here we have a problem known very well in physics: a measuring instrument impacts the measured objects/environment and distorts the results of the measurement. In this case, obviously, the poor Haredim Jooz, mightily discombobulated by the sight of approaching Roseanne (can I mention a tank here?), decided that the time came to fight till the last breath. Otherwise, they do not stone, preferring rather to throw their children's excrements in the original nappies. And even this is used against the policemen, so...
I am sick of israel and I am sick of zionists.
Tole ya to keep them barf bags at ready?
The koran is the exact same book as the torah and Mohammed is just like Paul of tarses.
This remarkable statement, being obviously a fruit of extensive theological studies (more about it later), is definitely true: same book - different publishers and sales channels. Oh, and translation, let's not forget the translation! So far so good...
The jews are raised to be suicide bombers too, and that abusive cult-programming that is done to jewish children, beginning with genital torture, remains strong even after the religion itself is abandoned.
That remark about suicide-bomber-ability is definitely from personal knowledge (remember that blasting?). I, personally, rarely feel an urge to explode, unless after an overdose of cholent (and even then there is a way to... er... vent the urge). This remark about abusive cult-programming relates, apparently, to the secret procedure Jooish males undergo in addition to the seemingly innocuous circumcision. However, the "genital torture" remark has to be clarified, and one should not base one's theories about the role of genitals on one's personal sexual experiences.
There is no israel really...
No, no, Roseanne, there is no "israel", just relax. Have some camomile tea, dear...
...and there will soon be no jews, I fear, unless the promise of the covenant comes to pass.. the covenant states that free thought will allow the jews to abandon their need for separatism, their obsolete and archaic woman hating religion and join the struggle for human rights first, before any other cult indoctrinated group, because the jews will have had access to higher learning and science and therefore give birth to the rational mind therefore transforming religion by re translating the torah into science.
How about this final crescendo? After all, the author herself says about it:
Whew!!! Mouthfuls came out!!!
I am not sure that mouthful is the right term for that which came out, but let's leave it for a while. Frankly, it is difficult to make any sense of that tirade without a stiff drink.

So how come Roseanne has this extensive and deep knowledge and understanding of theology, sexual feats, politics and whatnot? From her own site:
Born in Salt Lake City, Utah, Roseanne knew by age three that she was going to be a comic and have her own show. She would entertain her family on Friday evenings when they would gather in her grandmother's apartment for Sabbath dinner. The reaction she received convinced her she was indeed the Center of the Universe, which she still believes to this day.
Center of gravity, maybe? Surely it is an exaggeration? Probably she thinks... no, it cannot be.

Roseanne and theology:
She was born in Salt Lake City to a working-class Jewish family, the oldest of four children. In her 1989 biography, she described her family's partial involvement in Mormonism, saying that on "Friday, Saturday, and Sunday morning I was a Jew; Sunday afternoon, Tuesday afternoon, and Wednesday afternoon we were Mormons". She says this with her usual tongue-in-cheek humor, however; in actuality, she was raised fully Jewish. (Barr now considers herself a kabbalist and a follower of Jesus Christ.)
(Is it the same JC she refers to here: "They are propped up by evangelical christians who cannot wait for the arabs to kill them so that their genocidal war god whom they misname jesus can come back."? No, no worries, Roseanne has her own, gentle and peaceful version.)

Roseanne and sex (or what she calls "sexual torture"):
In a 1991 interview with People, Roseanne revealed herself to be an incest survivor, accusing both of her parents of physical and sexual abuse, charges which they and her sister Geraldine publicly denied. Geraldine later sold stories to the tabloids calling Roseanne a liar and accusing her of making up the story to boost her show's ratings.
Tell me what you will, I suspect here a serious case of failed sex education. At least she has had a fair share of husbands who tried their best, probably, to prove that "genital torture" could be an erroneous term... All in vain, it seems.

And the last, but not the least: back to the first quote:
I think the zionists made a huge mistake when they factioned the left in germany.
Copy it as it is to the Google search window and see for yourself who jumped on this gift.

Had I mentioned the necessity of keeping the barf bags close? Have you had a blast? Now wrap your bag up and send it there.

Cross-posted on Yourish.com.