10 May 2007

Turning Mickey Mouse

This is the time of a gravest crisis the Elders outfit experienced in thousands years of its existence. Even the Elders of the Elders do not remember such a profound sense of loss and gloom. Not when Alexander of Macedonia died on the way to India, nor when Napoleon decided to get independent (the little dork had always been a major PITA) and invaded Russia. No, this time it is for real, and damage recovery is nowhere in sight. Our best and finest are already 8 nights without sleep, trying to create a feasible scenario of countermeasures, so far in vain.

But let's start from the beginning. The first signs of the looming catastrophe were loud and clear, but our signals department was asleep on the job, and that news item was assigned a very low priority:

Hasan Bolkhari: "There is a cartoon that children like. They like it very much, and so do adults - Tom and Jerry."

"Some say that this creation by Walt Disney [sic] will be remembered forever. The Jewish Walt Disney Company gained international fame with this cartoon. It is still shown throughout the world. This cartoon maintains its status because of the cute antics of the cat and mouse - especially the mouse.

"Some say that the main reason for making this very appealing cartoon was to erase a certain derogatory term that was prevalent in Europe."
Of course, some smart alec in the Signals laughed it off: another mad Iranian professor trying his best to brown nose the Ayatollahs in the hope of getting better terms of tenure or jockeying for position in a better university. Or whatever, and he doesn't know a first thing about cartoons and he doesn't know from Walt Disney or Hanna and Barbera... Look what some Zionists wrote about the professor:
Bolkhari is a moderate Iranian. He was active in interfaith activities. Actually, compared to Bolkhari, mice are clean. Apparently they are also a lot smarter.
Now, with the 20/20 hindsight, we can see clearly that the whole brouhaha was a distracting maneuver. Of course, Tom and Jerry are our agents from day one, but very junior ones, never aspiring to the heights of the real McCoy. Which is, of course, Mickey Mouse, our star creature. Uncountable are the ways Elders used Mickey, and now we can talk about it openly. To give a few examples:
  • Subliminal Zionist propaganda (every tenth frame included a pro-Zionist message)
  • Pornography (every 8th frame)
  • A devilishly subtle nudging toward alternative lifestyle (and you thought Minnie Mouse was a girl, didn't you?)
  • Promotion of smoking (before and after sex frames)
  • Bigotry and violence toward other species (no need to explain, I hope)
  • Poisoning of the gentile gene pool via the food stalls in the Disneyland
  • And much, much more
But this is all history - the game is up;切都完了; už sklaplo; spillet er ude; tout est fichu; das Spiel ist aus; τέρμα τα ψέματα; la partita è persa; il piano è fallito; ставка бита. In other words: kaput.

Hamas has turned Mickey Mouse. It is not yet known what methods were used and when exactly did it happen, but the fact remains a fact: Mickey was brainwashed and turned to become a most potent tool in the hands of Islamic PR. Here he is, fit as a fiddle and sprightly as usual, doing what he does best:

Unfortunately, this time he does it for the other side. Calling for martyrdom, annihilation of all Jooz, you name it - he will call for it.

As it is customary with the Elders, the executive order for Mickey's elimination has already been issued. In the coming hours it will be carried out, and it does not matter whether it is a real Mickey or just a hapless lookalike who purchased a costume for a party. So watch out.

Of course, it will be close to impossible to find a replacement that comes close to Mickey's ability to influence, to brainwash and to subvert. We have issued a tender, and so far the only applicant for this highest visibility position was this gentleman:

The main skills, including the entertainment value, are definitely there, but "availability due to retirement from the current position" is definitely not a compelling argument for employment. Our target audience can be hardly expected to create a strong emotional link to a person who, with all due respect, is of a completely different age group.

For the same reason we'd like to request the following person to refrain from applying:

Other aspirants are welcome to submit their CVs. Only suitable candidates will be answered.

Now to the following service announcement: all Walt Disney cartoons are suspended until further notice, the replacement to be fragments from the approved movies: Exodus, Raid on Entebbe, Ten Commandments and Debbie Does Dallas (subliminal only).