23 May 2006

35 Jews volunteered for suicide attacks

This article posted in Ynet has been the cause of a lot of speculation, and like us, you've probably been wondering whether there is any substance behind it - here's the essence of it;

"An Iranian terror leader who said on Sunday that he planned to send suicide bombers to Israel via Britain claims 35 Jews also volunteered for attack"

Here at the Elders Hasbara department, we must confess to having been caught out of the info loop and had to contact our MullahMatrix™ (MM's) operators for some explanations. Eldering, as a profession can place one in the thick of it, and our MM's have certainly had their sticky fat fingers deep in the Chunky Monkey this time. Controlling some of these Mad Mullah mothers can get tricky at times, it's as though they have a mind of their own (collectively speaking that is).

Of course getting a straight answers from our MM's is almost impossible - their chief liaison officer, Arik can't keep his mouth bagel free long enough to verbalize a splutter free coherent sentence (he claims that it's his own development of an Oral Encryption technique). Arik first referred to the following passage taken from the article;

"The organization claims it works independently, but it in fact receives support from the Iranian regime. Searches for new recruits are carried out mainly in Britain, due to the belief that it is relatively easy to enter Israel with a British passport."

Having pointed us in the direction of the rot infested drizzle isle, Arik supplied the following names, profiles and means of recruitment;

Narc Leprechaun of YidsSansYfronts (a protest organization made up of victims of Zionist circumcision gone wrong, who find Yfronts a spanning hurdle). Narc who suffers from Blog induced coprolalia has been promised a properly dimensioned functioning putz, upon arrival in paradise.

Jerboas for Jesus [incapacitated by] Fibrinous Polyserositis, has been a particularly good underground sleeper recruiting source for the Mullah's. Names are scarce; however their leader is reputed to be a female, no taller than a sitting dog, known to wear weird hats. We know that these identifying clues are vague, but apparently one guaranteed method of flushing it out, is to accuse it of being a Zionist – whereupon this vociferous vertically challenged individual will respond with a spontaneous medley of Christmas Carols, and rush to harvest the nearest Olive tree.

Check-In with us periodically, as we reveal this unfolding plot.