07 September 2007

Ossie's Nu Look

The best-known video clip celebrity Osama Bin Laden has decided to interrupt his prolonged vacation, according to multiple sources. Since the movie industry rumors mill has been largely ignoring him lately, Ossie has decided to make a big production of his new clip this time.

Unlike the previous releases that were disclosed only after the coveted recording arrived to the Al Jazeera offices, this time the release is preceded by an unprecedented PR campaign up to the best Hollywood standards. This includes advance notice to the media, set date of release and even a trailer. Well, since we are not talking a full size movie here but only a short clip, the trailer is only a photograph.

But this is not just any photo. No, ladies and gentlemen, it is an historic document!

Rita Katz - director of the SITE Institute, a U.S. based group that monitors terror messages, said bin Laden's beard appeared to have been dyed, a popular practice among Arab leaders.
We do not really understand how exactly Ms Rita Katz, being not only of female persuasion but quite possibly of Jewish faith, sees it prudent to discuss the Beard. But in any case, she happens to be right - yes, it definitely looks dyed. Unless it is a fake one, which, knowing the wily actor, is a distinct possibility: now it is gray, now it is black - go catch him!

But if it is dyed indeed, this explains the three years of Ossie refusing to appear. He was looking for that one and only hairdresser who would not only be worthy to touch the hallowed beard but would also agree to work in a cave.

So what do we learn from these signs of OBL going professional? Of course, he has turned a new page in his career. Simply speaking, he applied for - and received - the full cooperation and partnership with one of the movie industry best and finest. Not naming him here, we can only tell that, being an ingenious character, he used a life size Michael Moore doll to transport Ossie undetected to any place in the world (this left a lot of room for pitas and hummus, so Ossie was not exactly starving on the long flights).

According to the information we have received, OBL has signed a ten clip contract with that unnamed producer for a sum that leaves Madonna standing. And now he wouldn't have any trouble with makeup, hairdressers and lighting - unlike in the previous clips. No matter where he is hiding and how inaccessible the hiding place is considered - the best of Hollywood talents will be at his disposal when the time comes to film a new clip.

Watch in the cave nearest to your home soon!