15 December 2007

A sincere person with serious muscle seeked

Can you be sincere? Are you musclebound? If your answer to both questions is positive (I mean "yes"), please contact me as soon as possible.

Being already terribly busy with several money-making (or, rather, money-collecting, this is how easy it is) schemes, not the least of them with that rich widow (or, rather, ex-widow since our marriage) of Benin, I am more than willing to share the spoils of my multi-million future ventures. There is another reason I am going to share the benefits of this new enterprise with you, my lucky stranger. It will become apparent to you in a jiffy.

It all started with a cry for help from the battle-scarred fields of Iraq. "Can You Be Sincere?" asked the e-mail in its "Subject" line, and of course I can, we, the Elders, are trained to look sincere with the best of them. And here is the gist of the letter:

Dear Friend

My name is Sgt. Jason Herzog*, I am an American soldier with Swiss background, serving in the military with the army’s 3rd infantry division. With a very desperate need for assistance, I have summed up courage to contact you. I found your contact particulars in an address journal. I am seeking your kind assistance to move the sum of (US$ 25 million ) Twenty Five million united states dollars to you, as far as I can be assured that my share will be safe in your care until I complete my service here, this is no stolen money, and there are no danger involved.
Source of money:
Some money in various currencies was discovered in barrels at a farm house near one of Saddam’s old palaces in Tikrit-Iraq during a rescue operation, and it was agreed by staff Sgt. Kenneth Buff and I that some part of this money be shared among both of us before informing anybody about it since both of us saw the money first. This was quite an illegal thing to do, but I tell you what? No compensation can make up for the risk we have taken with our lives in this hell hole Of which my brother in-law was killed by a road side bomb last week.

Only an unfeeling worm could remain deaf to this desperate cry for help. Especially when such a healthy amount of money is involved. In short, we must help our brave Sarge to transfer the moneys to the place of his choosing, which I guess will be a Swiss bank. There is one hitch, though, that forces me to look for assistance. You see, the money is, most probably, in low denomination banknotes and even coins, this is why barrels are used to store it. Unfortunately, due to my excessive portliness and generally delicate physique, I cannot undertake the venture alone. Since I will be the brain of the whole operation, your share will be a generous 25% of our take, which, I am confident, will be 12 million USD.

So, if you are of a charitable mood and don't mind making a few bucks out of it, please contact me with proof of your sincerity and brawn. The first acceptable candidate wins!

To stress the urgency - another quote from the appeal by our brave Sarge:

I do not know how long we will remain here, and i have been shot, wounded and survived two suicide bomb attacks by the special grace of God...

See how desperate the situation is? Come on the run, please.

(*) For privacy the middle name of the sender was removed. Do not ask me to divulge it.