05 June 2006

My brave new world

I have received a communication from Benin that offers to improve my financial status. OK, you may ask, so what else is new? After all, almost every day everyone receives offers of uncounted millions left by a famous dictator, embezzler or other VIP of similar ilk, and the only thing one has to do is to send over his/her bank account number, and presto - the money is in the bank. Of course, later the whole story appears to be an elaborated scam and the victim ends up somewhere on Nigerian border trouserless, penniless or worse - lifeless.

But no, ladies and gentlemen, this time it is a real McCoy, I can tell. All my senses tell me that this one is in no way a scam. This time this is it, the pure diamond of a once in a lifetime opportunity. Read it an weep.


I am a consultant based in Republic of Benin.
It gives me the responsibility and keen interest in contacting you.
I have a client a widow she has fund with a private equity trust company for safe keeping only.
She wishes to invest in a stable economy.
Her interest is in companies with potentials for rapid growth in long terms.
My client is interested in using part of her fund under your advise, if your country's laws allows it. We are looking forward to your urgent response.

Yours faithfully,
Mr. K. W.

The fund is free from drug and laundering related offences.

Of course, I am not going to disclose here the full name of Mr. K.W. or his e-mail address, no sir. But at least I can use this blog as a place to announce my looming retirement from the Hasbara business and breaking the unbearable yoke of the Elders' PR sweatshop. New horizons are opening before me, and these horizons look sweet and beckoning, I can tell you.

I already feel a kinship with Mr. K.W. I am fully prepared to go at least one step further than his offer indicated. Instead of mulling and weighing pros and cons like a coward, I am going to offer my hand and my heart to the so far anonymous widow. Seeing as Benin has a sizable Muslim population, I am ready to convert to be able to do so. I am almost sure that SWMBO will not have anything against this radical, but natural in the circumstances, change. After all, she will share the spoils of the newly gained prosperity and the untold riches of Benin with the ex-widow that is soon to become my senior wife.

I can assure Mr. K.W. that my advise will be thoughtful and all-encompassing and that he and his dearest will benefit from it as well as the ex-widow and, indeed, the fair citizenry of Benin.

To give you one example of the things that are going to change: being geographically challenged, I have looked up the map of Benin on the usual spooks' site here. I cannot reproduce the map in this post due to its openly vile nature, so if you are above the age of [whatever the law says in your country], go and see for yourself, but don't blame me afterward!

This map will be no more. No matter what it takes, the shape of the country is going to be changed, and the neighbors should be prepared to share the burden of this change. Please be aware, Togo, Burkina Faso, Niger and Nigeria - there will be some readjustments. Take it with the required understanding. The historic wrongs must be corrected, and they shall be corrected.

OK, Benin, here I come!

P.S. The new shape I would prefer for Benin is a rectangle. However, due to my portliness the border will have to avoid steep inclines, so some minor deviations should be allowed for.