27 January 2009

Dan Rather, Katie Couric, and an Israeli sergeant

I know I am not the first to post this, but I got an e-mail with it and a man must do what a man must do. The real reason I am posting this joke, which makes its rounds in different versions (the one I heard about xx years ago was about a Russian, an American and a Frenchman and a tribe of cannibals) is to point out a few technical mistakes that make the whole situation implausible. See the end of this post. So:

Dan Rather, Katie Couric and an Israeli sergeant were all captured by
terrorists in Iraq. The leader of the terrorists told them that he
would grant them each one last request before they were beheaded.

Dan Rather said, "Well, I'm a Texan, so I'd like one last bowlful of hot
spicy chili."

The leader nodded to an underling who left and returned with the chili.
Rather ate it all and said, "Now I can die content."

Katie Couric said, "I'm a reporter to the end. I want to take out my
tape recorder and describe the scene here and what's about to happen.
Maybe someday someone will hear it and know that I was on the job till
the end."

The leader directed an aide to hand over the tape recorder and Couric
dictated some comments. She then said, "Now I can die happy."

The leader turned and said, "And now, Mr. Israeli tough guy, what is
your final wish?" "Kick me in the ass," said the soldier."

"What?" asked the leader? "Will you mock us in your last hour?" "No,
I'm not kidding. I want you to kick me in the ass," insisted the Israeli.

So the leader shoved him into the open and kicked him in the ass. The
soldier went sprawling, but rolled to his knees, pulled a 9 mm pistol
from under his flack jacket, and shot the leader dead. In the resulting
confusion, he jumped to his knapsack, pulled out his carbine and sprayed
the terrorists with gunfire. In a flash, all terrorists were either dead
or fleeing for their lives.

As the soldier was untying Rather and Couric, they asked him, "Why
didn't you just shoot them in the beginning? Why did you ask them to
kick you in the ass first?"

"What?" replied the Israeli, "And have you two report that I was the aggressor?”

Ain't it the truth?
Well, now a quick review of the story.
  1. Lowly Israeli sergeants don't carry no 9mm pistols.
  2. This sergeant deserves a few weeks in the nick - he left his rifle in his knapsack.
  3. If that dumbo left his rifle in his knapsack, the probability that he has his flack jacket on is zero - most probably he conveniently "forgot" it in the base camp to start with.
  4. There are no carbines in IDF today.
  5. And how would an Israeli sergeant know Dan Rather and Katie Couric from a hole in the wall?
Case closed.

P.S. And what the heck was he doing in Iraq to start with? Home leave? Tourism? ...?