07 July 2011

Kyle Richards: redefining dumb

The story of Kyle Brandon Richards, 21, starts with a unique way of bank robbery, committed quite recently:
The suspect walked into the bank handing a teller a note advising her to give him money. He fled on foot with approximately $900 where witnesses observed him running east across Utica Road. There was a fresh coat of snow on the ground and officers were able to follow his footprints to an apartment complex just east of Utica where they recovered some of the money on the ground. They found additional footprints that led to a different building in the complex.
The robbery MO doesn't leave many doubts about Kyle's intellectual abilities, but the follow-up topped the robbery:
Kyle Richards thinks that the ban on pornography and erotica enforced by the Macomb County Jail—and, to a lesser extent, the absence of video games in individual cells—amounts to "cruel and unusual punishment," and is therefore unconstitutional.
So Kyle has decided to become a prison lawyer, and:
21-year-old Richards—who's coping with "chronic masturbation syndrome and severe sexual discomfort," and apparently needs porn to treat these medical conditions—wants to explore this legal issue in court. To that end, he's filed a "five-page handwritten lawsuit" in the U.S. Court in Detroit against Gov. Rick Snyder and the state of Michigan, in which he demands that prisoners at the jail (located near Detroit) be allowed to "possess erotic/pornographic materials along with personal televisions, video game consoles and radios."
And thus he states:
Sexual deprivation has been used against plaintiff in a way as to both sexually frustrate the plaintiff, deprive the plaintiff of any sort of sexual gratification, and deny the plaintiff his right to sexual reproduction.
I don't know: didn't someone explain to Kyle the true story of bees and flowers? And did he skip the sex education lessons in school. It's a good thing he isn't married.

Or is he?


Dick Stanley said...

I don't know about dumb. This is one jailhouse lawyer with a sense of humor.

SnoopyTheGoon said...

If you look at the way he robbed the bank: leaving banknotes along the way home and leaving his tracks in the snow... besides, I am not totally sure he tried to make a joke.