29 July 2008

It is more than just a hijab, folks!

A lady (I guess) named Posmena left a comment on this here blog asking for assistance with her shopping site Very Modest Swimsuits. Perusing this admirable British site and then stumbling on this post by Linda Grant about growth of hijab industry in Britain, I have decided to help both Posmena - to make her site better known to the general public; and Linda Grant - to make here aware of a tectonic shift about to hit the British fashion industry.

Hijab - shmijab... Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the one and only Original Ahiida Hijood Burqini:

Maybe some of the viewers will be not immediately impressed by this outfit, but rest assured, this is the future. One has to be shortsighted or simply dumb not to understand that one is facing the coming landslide.

Just look at the arguments in favor of Burqini:

  • A woman might buy a Burqini for better sun protection, to hide weight, cellulite or scars, or simply as an alternative to skimpier beach attire. [Show me a person without at least one of these four issues, and I will throw a stone at you]
  • All Burqini™ swimsuits have ties on the inside and on the tops that tie to loops on the trousers to prevent the tops floating while in the water. [That part was a bit unclear to me, but I have asked SWMBO, at it's OK with me now]
  • For the more active ladies who want to swim the laps, the Ahiida Hijood Burqini is also available in Slim Fit and Active Fit and also Plus Sizes are now available too. [Yeeeha!]
And the most compelling, the absolute deal clincher:
  • Burqini™ swimsuits have quality design heat press prints on chest area, which further detract from your body shape, ensuring your modesty at all times.
Indeed, who want to see another person's body shape? Perverts, that's who!

In short, here it comes and its almost perfect! Of course, nothing is absolutely perfect, and I believe that a few minor improvements could definitely move the Burqini even closer to the unattainable absolute perfection that is permissible only to the deity's handiwork. Here is the basic model:

Of course, it being a British Navy frogman circa 194x. the design is meant (only too obviously) for a male, but the general principle is the same. Of course, rubber gloves and replacement of the mask's glass by a tinted or, even better, reflective glass will make the solution almost full-proof. And the breathing apparatus will allow the wearer to dive in case of a male bather's immodest approach. It will definitely prevent dancing, and this feature of the new outfit will make it highly desirable to the Jewish Haredi community. And then the Amish, some Christian factions... - and the sky is the limit, people!


Snow BunnyInfidel said...

Honestly I could do without the hijab top and the pants, but, with my 50 year old gut/butt the dress part IS appealing  LMAO  

Also I think these were banned in France or somewhere because they are filthy bacteria magnets.  They said they don't allow shorts or clothing for that reason, and won't change it for these things (to which I barfed thinking about)  eeewww  nasty

SnoopyTheGoon said...

Yep. Too true all of this.