28 May 2014

Let our people come! Or go? Or what? Too many options...

Science is a wonderful thing. When it comes to provide a confirmation of out beliefs, it somehow looks even wonderfuller*. But sometimes science and belief taken together open too many roads at once, and thus create a headache. Here is the case I am talking about.

To start with, the Jewish population of Colorado, US.

A population of Native American Indians from the US state of Colorado has been found to have a genetic mutation typical of Ashkenazi Jews. The finding suggests the presence of common roots that date back to the days of Christopher Columbus.
Etc... it is not known precisely how many Jewish Native Americans (or, better, Native Jews of America), but probably not much more than a few hundred thousands.

Then came the news about the Buba of the Lemba.
A British anthropologist arranged for genetic testing of members of the tribe, finding that 10% of Lemba men carry the kohen modal haplotype on their Y chromosomes. Even more impressive, the Lemba have a priestly clan whom they call the Buba. Fully 52% of Buba men who were tested bear that same marker of kohanic descent.
Located in South Africa, the tribe counts no more than seventy thousand members. On one hand, that number could be easily absorbed by Israel, known to manage Aliyah of a considerably larger size. On the other... but wait.

Now, the other African tribe, the Igbo people, good Jews to the last one, are a more serious proposition.

The Igbo tribe is somewhere around 36 million folks strong, and even a Purim visit by that group may cause some severe transportation and accommodation issues here. And they are raring to come over too.

And recently members of a Jewish tribe called Shinlung spoke up too. They are located in two states in eastern India: Manipur and Mizoram.
Rabbi Avichail has visited the area a number of times to observe the group and study its connection with the Tribe of Menashe. According to his information, the Shinlung number approximately one-and-a-quarter million people, but according to their own research institute, the number in reality reaches some four-and-a-quarter million, some of whom are related not only to the Tribe of Menashe but also to the Tribe of Ephraim.
While the number quoted is significantly smaller that that of the Igbo folks, this could create some traffic jams too.

And of course, we can't discount or forget the people of Chiang Tribe:
In the mountainous area of northwest China, west of the Min River, near the border of Tibet, in Szechuan lives an ancient people called by the Chinese, Chiang or Chiang-Min, who numbers about 250 thousand people.According to their tradition, the Chiang tribe is the descendant of Abraham and their forefather had 12 sons. Those among them who did not take Chinese wives after their victory in war still look Semitic. The character traits of this people are integrity, love of neighbor, mutual aid, generosity, modesty, shyness, gratitude, and stubbornness. They also have a fear of heaven or respect for God. They believe in one God whom they call Abachi meaning the father of heaven, or Mabichu, the spirit of heaven, or also Tian, heaven. As a result of Chinese influences they all call Him God of the mountains as the mountains are the central place for worship of God.
Of course, the number of the tribe members is not what matters in this case. Geography does, though.

Then let's go as far to the East as possible: Japan. Here you get enough information to put all you thought you  knew on its head. Like this:
At the festival, a boy is tied up by a rope to a wooden pillar, and placed on a bamboo carpet. A Shinto priest comes to him preparing a knife, and he cuts a part of the top of the wooden pillar, but then a messenger (another priest) comes there, and the boy is released. This is reminiscent of the Biblical story in which Isaac was released after an angel came to Abraham.
And more. Let's not go into bean counting here and say that all of the Japanese people, around 127 millions, give or take a few, qualify. How much more serious it could become? The same source, on another page, gives a graphic answer:

At a glance, this creates an even bigger problem, doesn't it? So let's check out all possible solutions:
  1. We go there. First of all, who goes where? Of course, everyone could choose his/her favorite location, hopefully not causing family splits or similar unpleasantness. Difficult to organize, and why moving? To make some neighbors happy?
  2. They all pack up and come here. Of course, can't be done in a day or even in a week. We'll have to plan, build, rebuild and even... nah, doesn't bear talking about in the current neighborhood situation. Bothersome, all in all.
  3. Now, there is another grand idea, picked up from no other than Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin. It is as simple and as doable as that Crimea disappearance from Ukraine trick: now you see it - now you don't. First of all, referendum. OK, in reality first of all some brotherly/sisterly military assistance. Just to make a point, you know, but then still a referendum. After 96-99% (no more, it is all free, you know) of the voters say "yes" to independence, a temporary state will be declared on the spot. Then a nicely worded letter to our Chief Rabbis (two copies), our PM and our President, asking to join the IF (Israeli Federation) on the grounds of being Jewish and suffering religious, economic and other kinds of persecution. And voila - another autonomous republic... or is it an autonomous region? Whatever, this could be checked with Kremlin and fine tuned later.
What is it I am aiming at? - you may ask. Simply that after the British empire somehow lost it zest for being the one on which the sun never sets, no one volunteered to fill the vacuum. And the clock is ticking, so here we come. (Now, I hope, you see the importance of Colorado in the overall scheme).

We have three options or a mix of all three, with some time available for discussion, but not too much, before Vladimir Vladimirovich realizes that hitherto he was thinking too small and that he should expand his horizons.

And no matter the outcome of our thinking, the following governments are being put on notice**:
  • State of Colorado, USA
  • Nigeria
  • South Africa
  • India
  • China
  • Japan
The new map of the world will be distributed shortly for familiarization and preparation to arrival of our bureaucrats (don't bother to offer your used ones, we have a glut of our own).

What, UN? NATO?

Tee hee...

(*) Lovely word, by that way, so if you are a spelling Nazi, buzz off.

(**) Of course I realize that there are some possible gaps as far as sunset is concerned. No worries, Hawaii, Argentina and some other places are being considered as we speak.


Sennacherib said...

Talk about the "Lost Tribes".

SnoopyTheGoon said...

Yep. We are spreading...

Dick Stanley said...

Hang him high.

Brian Goldfarb said...

Brian Goldfarb says

I read somewhere, a few years ago, that some demographer or other had calculated that, but for all the massacres (by the Romans, the Crusaders, by assorted other Christian hate groups, we Jews would have numbered somewhere in the region of 600 million by now.

Not even Hitler would have messed with that number.

Now, it seems that all over the world that missing 580 million are coming out of the woodwork.

Where were they when we really needed them?

Still, better late than never, I suppose. You're all welcome, you're all mishpocha!!

Brian Goldfarb said...

Which is why we need to keep hammering the bastards (don't need to take too many letters out of that word to get bds, do we?) on every forum we can.

Keep finding these creeps, Snoopy, so we can tell them, like Avery, we aren't going anywhere.

SnoopyTheGoon said...


SnoopyTheGoon said...

They did their best.

SnoopyTheGoon said...

Sure thing.

Dick Stanley said...

You may not have noticed but the feds already don't like/trust visiting Israelis and the Democrat news media always ready to put a story of their arrest on the front page. So the supposed haven might turn out no better than in it did in the 1930s-40s.

Dick Stanley said...

At one time conversion was all the rage (even more so than today) and so was emigration. Have you read your When Scotland Was Jewish yet, Mr. G.?

SnoopyTheGoon said...

Why do I suspect that you are right? But you are at that. Yes, the percentage of Israelis refused even tourists visas is steadily growing lately.

SnoopyTheGoon said...

About one third of the book, some previous commitments keep interfering.