09 October 2012

Seeing purple on your iPhone 5?

You have to know that, as usual with iProducts, it is your fault, dear customer.

Earlier this month, an AppleCare support representative responding to an iPhone 5 owner's complaint about the issue said the purple flare was "considered normal behavior" for the devices camera and suggested: "Our engineering team just gave me this information and we recommend that you angle the camera away from the bright light source when taking pictures."
To resolve the issue to full customer's satisfaction, two additional alternatives are recommended by Apple:
  1. A simple laser surgery that will add a special filtering layer to the customer eyes' cornea, allowing the eye to see the real color(s) of the picture. It is promised that the next generation of iPhone* will perform the surgery automatically, once the customer has entered his credit card number into it. Meanwhile Apple customer centers will perform the job.
  2. For the cases when the surgery fails to remove the purple halo (estimated as 3 to 9 %% of the population only), a pleasing screen protector will filter out the halo for a symbolic price of $27.99 (incl. installation, not incl. local taxes). 
  3. For final improvement of customer satisfaction, customer representatives will offer the customer a close-up view of the upper left corner of iPhone 5 back cover, with it pleasing arrangement of camera and flash and finely crafted gently rounded corners. It was experimentally proven that watching the close-up improves the customer's happiness index by at least 12 points. 
(*) When asked, Apple customer service reps refuse to divulge the name of the next generation iPhone. From disjointed mumbling of one rep it seems that the name of the next generation is one thing that the late Steve Jobs didn't spell clearly for the record, causing interminable ongoing sessions of the company executives and of the board of directors.