01 August 2010

Cigarettes tainted with pig blood and nuclear materials sold in Iran

An Iranian official says cigarettes smuggled into Iran have been tainted with pig blood and nuclear material as part of a Western conspiracy.

Official from Islamic Republic's anti-smoking society says company 'led by Zionists' deliberately exports contaminated Marlboros.
Abraham Zion Cohen, a deputy PR manager of Philip Morris International, responded:
Every cigarette produced by Philip Morris, passes stringent quality control by our employees, like the one depicted in this picture:
However, it is absurd to claim that our loyal and dedicated quality control personnel add their blood to the cigarettes. Re traces of radioactive material: why would we bother with such trifles, when... [at this point Mr Cohen was interrupted by a bout of coughing Ed.].
In related news: Earthquake hits northeastern Iran, smoking pigs observed flying in the area.


Dick Stanley said...

Pshaw. A clear case of the mad mullahs trying to get the populace to quit. Probably hasn't cut into the mullah's consumption, of course.

SnoopyTheGoon said...

Yeah, I guess it might work. I should try it on myself some time.

David All said...

What fiendish plot will the Elders come up with next?!

SnoopyTheGoon said...

You see what I mean now ;)

Yitzchak Goodman said...

Besides that, it would be very reckless to import radioactive pig-blood cigarettes into Iran. The IRGC is piggy enough as it is without giving them mutation opportunities.