A bit of lazy weekend fisking

There is something unfair in sitting home during a rainy day in your favorite armchair with your favorite cat purring near the keyboard (in expectation that you will go away for a few moments, forgetting to close the laptop's lid and he will be able to rip out a few keys at his leisure then), while doing an easy fisk of another Fisk. But a man must do what a man must do.

Fisk, you see, decided to declare a war on the word "terror". He obviously does not like it when applied to his Hezbollah friends and to their more distant Hamas brethren.

Lebanon is as good a place as any to find out what a load of old tosh the "terror" merchants talk. For here it is that the hydra-headed monster of Iran is supposedly stalking the streets of Beirut, staging a coup against Mr Siniora and his ministers.

That's a quote so loaded with sarcasm that one wonders about the state of the author's liver. Probably some irregularity that causes a sarcasm overload where none is due. Not if one reads, even inattentively, the interview given by Hezbollah founder and ex leader Sheikh Subhi Al-Tufeili:

Al-Tufeili: "Yes, Hizbullah is a tool, and it is an integral part of the Iranian intelligence apparatus. Unfortunately, all the elements in the [Lebanese] arena have become tools, and take orders from outside [Lebanon]..."

But a small fact like this cannot and does not interfere with Fisk's eruption of bile. And of course, being so confused that being consistent is already beyond his obviously impaired facilities, he contradicts himself a bit later:

Of course, the crisis in Lebanon is also about Iran and Syria, especially Iran's determination to damage or destroy any Middle East government which has earned America's friendship.

Go figure what passes through his feverish brain when cobbling words together. Must be tough on him, no doubt. But the main thrust of the article is about trying to persuade the reader that the putsch attempt that is going on in Beirut and is financed by Iran, as it is widely reported even by Hezbollah sympathizers, is no more and no less than a social revolution. Not an open and blatant attempt of a coup, financed by Iran and lead by Hezbollah chiefs, but a grass-root attempt by the downtrodden Shia masses to put right everything that is wrong in Lebanese society.

Everything we see, read and hear about Lebanon for the last several months notwithstanding. And you were not confronted yet with this astounding pearl of wisdom:

"...Washington still doesn't seem to understand that sectarian politics mean that Lebanon cannot have a normal democracy."

No, there isn't a lot to fisk. Back to the cat who is hell bent on destroying that laptop.

Cross-posted on Yourish.com

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Alert level - orange

After the advent of the yellow snow falling on Sakhalin last year, this time the color level is upped to orange:

Russia's emergency situations ministry said today it was dispatching experts to a Siberian province to find out why yellow and orange snow has been falling in several villages...

Well, it looks that Putin is consistently ignoring the message from the higher power that we have deciphered in the previous post on the subject.

Vladimir Vladimirovich, continue selling arms and nuclear reactors to Tehran. See where it gets you when the colored snow start falling on Moscow. Ain't gonna be funny, that's for sure.

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"A land without a people for a people without a land"

For all of you who think that you know what the quote above means, see here. I have to confess that in my ignorance I didn't even know about Israel Zangwill. Just that there is a slogan used by ultra right to justify something without a second thought and by ultra-left to bash the ultra-right on the noggin, without any discernible effect.

Good stuff. And I say - give the author a hand by blogrolling him. As I did right now.

So, if Peter Ryley aka The Plump aka Fat Man on a Keyboard is good enough for DSTPFW, he is good enough for you, losers.

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To the wannabe hero

So, you want to become a martyr for the cause of freedom of expression? As in Jesus kits on sale here?

Vatican officals are said to be disgusted after Jesus fancy dress kits went on sale in Italy.The £8.40 party pack also contains a plastic crown of thorns and a false beard. Vatican priest Father Vittorino Gorss said: "This is an insult and blasphemous to millions of believers." One shopkeeper selling the kit in the build up to Lent said: "I can't see what the problem is. It's only a wig and beard."

I do see a problem, though - with the lack of determination. If you want to become a real hero and a martyr for the cause, you better add the following items to your inventory:



See you then! Meanwhile - no big deal, comrade...

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Haveil Havalim # 105 is up!

When your morning coffee hasn't yet started to infuse the caffeine in the old blood stream, you are apt to misunderstand the text you are staring at. This is what happened to me when I opened the brand new edition of Haveil Havalim. This sentence really got my sluggish brain on a wrong path:

Alex Trebeck surveyed the contestants curiously.

Well, that dormant brain said (to itself), if a man named Alex Trebeck is not an owner of a sleazy cabaret with some vaguely defined mafia connections, then I (the brain, that is) am a... Here the lazy thought stopped, because the three names following the sentence above somehow did not match the idea of contestants for a vacancy in a dance group. Actually, only one name stood out as totally wrong, and it wasn't that of Meryl of Yehudit, if you see what I mean (I am going to get it in the neck from all three of them for that, but it's the truthful description of what went through my mind at the moment).

Anyway, it is a new approach to Haveil Havalim that will make you learn stuff even if you are kicking and screaming, which you better not, because it is fascinating. There was a period when Vladimir Lenin's saying "to learn, to learn and again to learn" was repeated ad nauseum. I suspect that the old boy filched it from a rabbi, after all some people hint that... nah, better leave it alone. After all, Lenin is (thankfully) dead, and we are alive (till 120) and learning is the best thing bar very few others I cannot even think about that early in the day.

Oh, well, go and read the Haveil Havalim, cause it is a treat. I shall let my coffee work its way up to these lazy grey cells meanwhile.

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More gaseous conspiracies

The Sunday Times says that Iranian nuclear scientist ‘assassinated by Mossad’:

A prize-winning Iranian nuclear scientist has died in mysterious circumstances, according to Radio Farda, which is funded by the US State Department and broadcasts to Iran.

An intelligence source suggested that Ardeshire Hassanpour, 44, a nuclear physicist, had been assassinated by Mossad, the Israeli security service.

Hassanpour worked at a plant in Isfahan where uranium hexafluoride gas is produced. The gas is needed to enrich uranium in another plant at Natanz which has become the focus of concerns that Iran may be developing nuclear weapons.

According to Radio Farda, Iranian reports of Hassanpour’s death emerged on January 21 after a delay of six days, giving the cause as “gas poisoning”. The Iranian reports did not say how or where Hassanpour was poisoned but his death was said to have been announced at a conference on nuclear safety.

If you don't see a direct link to the poisonous balloons, you definitely need a new pair of reading glasses. In any case, whatever is the cause of this mysterious demise, the old Yiddish saying (in a free translation) seems to work in this case: "Dead, shmead - the main thing is to be healthy".

Oh, and another observation related to the following:

Inspectors from the International Atomic Energy Agency say that hundreds of technicians and labourers have been “working feverishly” to assemble equipment at the plant.

Slow down, people - as you see, haste around uranium hexafluoride could be detrimental to your health...

Cross-posted on Yourish.com

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Muslim chief slams 'police state' Britain, like Nazi Germany

A Muslim leader has warned that Britain is moving towards a "police state," comparing the situation to Nazi Germany after the anti-terror raids in the city of Birmingham this week.

"The German people were told the Jews were a threat. The same thing is happening here. The Muslims are now the bogey people," he said. "It's a small community. It's easy to pick on them. That's what's being done."

Tempers are high after the raids, which were accompanied by allegations that the suspects were planning to kidnap and behead a British Muslim soldier, and post a video of the execution on the Internet.

After this expression of understanding and care about the plight of the Jews in Nazi Germany, my heart is full of compassion and understanding towards the puny (mere 5 or 6 million) Muslim community of Britain. And I think that the authorities have made one step to far. Mixing with the community inalienable right to behead people is a shame.

Wait, didn't some people in UK try to stop kosher butchery? Now I see one more reason for Muslims and Jews to demand Halachic rule in Britain. Or better Sharia? Hmm...

I think Halachic. What do you all think?

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How to deal with a boring neighbor on a plane

Next time you happen to suffer a talkative passenger in the seat next to you, use the following procedure to get rid of him/her:

1. Get your laptop from the bag - verrrrrry slowly
2. Look around suspiciously
   
3. Open the laptop very slowly (make sure that the neighbor sees the screen)
4. Click on this link.

Kudos to DB.

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Pearls we don't look for

On the outlook for the aftermath of the poisoned balloons balloon, I have stumbled on a post in Lebanese Political Journal that laughs off this ridiculous story. Like we all do lately.

But this post drew a lot of attention, including that of one of the more rabid category - Karlos of The Real Terrorists dot org (go google by yourself, no link from here). And the comment by Karlos is a real doozy:

karlos said...

Showing your true colours now Charles?

Hey, many Arabs are Semites themselves.
Being anti-zionist is not the same as being anti-semetic.

As for the balloons, it seems that people have been so mistreated by the Zionists that they expect anything from them. Even poisoned balloons.

So sad it's laughable.

Mon Jan 29, 05:02:07 AM PST

Many Arabs are Semites themselves... Indeed. Hey, Karlos, what do they do in their free time, you know, when they are not being Semites?

And why, FFS, don't you look up the spelling of that "semetic"? You are so sad, it is not laughable anymore, unfortunately.

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No worries, the situation is under control

That's a story about two quotes and two pictures. The fist quote is:

Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez said that Cuba's Fidel Castro has visibly improved, describing how the ailing Cuban leader has gained weight and is walking around and studying."A notable improvement," Chavez said Thursday, describing Castro's condition when the two met recently in Havana.

And here is the picture of the colonel related to this quote:


Now to the second quote:

Venezuela - Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez defended his plans to rewrite dozens of laws by decree, saying his country has a vibrant democracy...

"There are no reasons of any kind for the Venezuelan people to be afraid," he said.

Now to the picture related to this one:

Well, take a good close look. There are four answers for you to choose from:

1. Hugo is telling the truth in both cases
2. Hugo is telling the truth in the first case only
3. Hugo is telling the truth in the second case only
4. Hugo is lying twice

A job on a Venezuelan oil refinery is waiting for the caller who sends in a right answer!
Hurry up, the number of vacancies is limited and doled out on the first come, first served basis.

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To Yacov from Ashkelon

Well, what do you know: Bradley Burston, being beset by all kinds of Internet maniacs posting in the Haaretz Talkback, decided to write a reply, where he is coming out (can we call it an outBurston?). Makes a good reading, as with most of his pieces.

And what do you know: the ink in the article has barely dried, and the first talkback is already spraying the screens of the readers with spit:

Burston: As phoney as a 57-shekel coin

Burston claims to be a Zionist? Yet everyday he publishes articles that are as anti-Jewish, anti-Israel as any neo-Nazi skinhead rag in the United States. I lived over 50 years in the U.S. but had to come to Israel and read Haaretz on line to see such a steady stream of Jew-bashing and Israel-bashing anti-Semitic propaganda. The most rabid Jew-hating groups in the U.S. did not produce such a steady stream of propaganda as do Levy, Hass, and the gang under the protection of Burston. For Burston to say he is a Zionist is about as honest as if Hitler would crawl out of his hole in hell and claim to be a Zionist. You have no shame, Burston. You should be publishing in Syria or Iran, not Israel.

The author of this overdose of venom, one Yacov from Ashkelon, has obviously made one mistake during his 50 years of preparations for the fateful move to Ashkelon from United States: he forgot to bring over his prescription for Loxapine. Which is a pity.

Anyway, this post is in no way intended to be a defense of Bradly Burston. The latter does an excellent job of it by his own mighty self. This post is just reflecting my bad mood, exacerbated by stumbling on this shining example of free thought, unfettered by any old rules of reasonable behavior, minimal politeness or, come to think of it, any vestige of intellect.

You see, Yacov, coming as you have, from a great democracy, you could have grokked in no time that this here country is populated by all kinds of Jooz - the lefties, the righties, the centrists, the left of center - ists, the right of ce... anyhow, even north, south and north - eastern varieties are presented, and I have even heard rumors about the south - western subtype, although it is still left to be proved.

And you know what - they all have to find ways to get along (oh my, I am starting to sound like a schoolmarm already). And calling one another Nazi Jew-hater is a strict no-no. Even if you are tardy with your daily pills allotment. Capite?

Because if non capite - fuck you and the horse you rode into Ashkelon too.

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Israel Massacres Lebanese by Poisonous Balloons

Remember these nice green balloons from that old story?

The story is far from over, it appears. Meryl has more on it, and every word is fun, it is a promise!

But the military part behind the story is no less fun, and by a decision of the Elders' Disclosure Committee that I am authorised to tell it now, the cat is out of the bag.

The poison in the balloons is not a result of a complex chemistry process, it is rather a diabolical combination of the basic organic elements and the natural body chemistry - of a bovine kind. The homicidal balloons are filled by the effluvium of the best New Zealand cows fed by a mix of traditional Jewish cholent and Mexican chili cooked with especially hot jalapeno peppers. The last stage of the process, when the cows, stoppered for five days, have to be emptied into special titanium receptacles, is conducted by experts in grade 3 protective suits. Even with the strictest protection measures, it is volunteers only task.

But why I am telling all this to the propaganda experts of the FARS agency? These people (notice the missing tee) know all about farting in the wind...


Gezundheit!

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Time for the last envelope?

The excuses our current minister of defense is using to hold to the job are nothing short of pathetic:

The office of Defense Minister Amir Peretz says that all major complaints should be addressed to Israel's previous defense ministers, Shaul Mofaz, Benjamin Ben-Eliezer and also Ehud Barak, who was prime minister and defense minister when three Israeli soldiers were taken captive by Hezbollah at Har Dov in 2000.

I am astonished that Peretz didn't go back far enough to blame Ben-Gurion and even, maybe, Zhabotinsky and Herzl. After all, they set the basis for the whole enchilada, and Peretz has to bear the blame now. And Mozes, too, should not escape his share of guilt.

The pathetic behavior and the pathetic excuses Peretz is producing by a dozen every day could hardly be explained: after all, no one says he is guilty - it is just that he knows nothing about the job he was encumbered with and, as it naturally follows, should transfer it to somebody that is a bit better informed and qualified.

This remind me the story of the three envelopes:

A new executive, who on his first day of work is greeted by three envelopes on his desk with instructions to open one in the event of trouble. The company runs smoothly at first, but trouble soon arises and the executive opens the first envelope. It advises him to blame his predecessor. That succeeds in the short term, but soon new difficulties arise. The executive opens the second envelope. It advises him to restructure the organization. That again succeeds, but soon the executive is faced with more trouble. He opens the third envelope only to find instructions to prepare three envelopes.

But there is one significant difference: the second step, which involves a restructuring, is completely alien to Peretz. He will not recognize a restructuring if it bites him on the backside. So - let's move to the third envelope, why don't we?

Cross-posted on Yourish.com

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A new weapon in the Elders' arsenal

We are proud to announce that a trial of our new psychedelic weapon was successful beyond expectations. A new brand of French cheese developed by Dassault and IMI (Israeli Military Industries) became a part of a binary psychedelic weapon CC (Cognac - Cheese) that has a short term debilitating effect two orders of magnitude higher than a comparable quantity of most potent Psilocybe mushrooms.

Here is the target of the trial before the weapon release:

Notice the stately appearance and the penetrating eyes of the target. And now the target immediately after release of the weapon via voluntary (albeit reflexive and greedy) consumption of its components.

There is no need to comment on the picture, is there?
The sounds emitted by the target during this time amount to the following:

On Monday, Chirac said of Iran and its nuclear program: "I would say that what is dangerous about this situation is not the fact of having a nuclear bomb. Having one or perhaps a second bomb a little later, well, that's not very dangerous." "Where will it drop it, this bomb? On Israel?" Chirac asked. "It would not have gone 200 meters into the atmosphere before Tehran would be razed."

In the second interview with the same newspapers, Chirac retracted his comment about Tehran being razed. "I retract it, of course, when I said, 'One is going to raze Tehran,"' he said. "It is obvious that this bomb, at the moment it was launched, obviously would be destroyed immediately," he said. "We have the means - several countries have the means to destroy a bomb."

Obviously the impact of the obviously mighty CC is obvious?

We have decided to refrain from posting the picture taken ten minutes later, when the weapon's impact was at its peak. The drooling, the slobbering, the total loss of control over facial (and other, not usually mentioned in a polite discourse) muscles made it too gross to publish.

We'll settle for the confession made by the target later:

"I don't think I spoke about Israel yesterday. Maybe I did so but I don't think so. I have no recollection of that."

Yep. It sure works!

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bX-vjhbsj is disappearing people!

I don't know what the heck it is supposed to mean, but people have started to disappear lately, leaving as their only trace the following notice:

bX-vjhbsj... It couldn't be anything good, that is for sure.

Akaky, if you are out there, give us all a shout!

Update: we have disappeared too! Help!

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