26 May 2011

Rapture and other important dates for your calendar

Due to changes in relative positions of celestial bodies, global warming and various geopolitical disturbances, several important events have been rescheduled and others are in the midst of the rescheduling process. Please update your personal (and/or your company's, if relevant) calendar according to the following:

  • The Rapture that was scheduled for May 21, 2001 is being temporarily replaced by London Olympic games (opening ceremony July 27, 2012).
  • The new date(s) for the Rapture is currently under negotiations between clerics of major religions*, UN and Lady Gaga, having in view an acceptable compromise between various schedules.
  • Assassination attempt # 300 on Hugo Chavez by CIA (as usual, unsuccessful due to Venezuelan secret service being armed by blanks only for the purpose). Celebrations to be held on January 13, 2013.
  • President Obama personally bloodying Bibi's nose during a meeting in White House soon after Obama's inauguration for the second term. February-March 2013, to be finalized by respective offices.
  • Elevation of prof. Noam Chomsky to the title "Mastermind of forever" (MOFO) from the rather limiting and pedestrian title of "leading living public intellectual". November 7, 2017. Details and locale of the ceremony to be provided.
  • England national team winning the Mondial. To be rescheduled for next millennium and coordinated with advent of peace in the Middle East.
(*)The impromptu emergence of Mahdi aka Hidden Imam aka Mahmoud the Mad's wet dream could play havoc with these negotiations, being for a while somewhat out of the scope in these rather level-headed negotiations.

Many thanks to Louise who provided input and inspired this post.