01 November 2005

News according to Guardian

Several headers from today’s on-line edition of Guardian Unlimited

1. Conservative for Supreme Court

Hmm. Could be important – after all it’s Dubya making a decision. Not an earth-shaking event in any case, but OK.

2. India steps up security

Yes, quite sensitive, after having scores of people killed amidst a holiday celebrations.

3. Kabbalah leader arrested

What the fuck? Arrest of a crook in a “small shitty country” merits third place in the list of earth shaking events? Nah, it must be a technical mistake – some sorting issue, probably.

But then, look at the seventh place:

7. Israeli clampdown amid rise in 'sonic bombs'

With a subtitle, too:

"Israel bars foreign journalists from entering Gaza Strip in apparent attempt to limit reporting on killing of Palestinian civilians."

While the subtitle is not reflected in the article itself, it is quite telling. Meaning IDF wants a free hand in killing these unlucky “civilians”. Reasonable step.

Well, one needs to remember that anyone living in Gaza or West Bank is a civilian in GU lexicon.

Even if this “civilian” carries a Kalashnikov, few grenades and/or an explosive belt warming his/her stomach. Since the term “terrorist” is verboten when talking about Palestinians (it applies only to people who bomb Londoners), probably very soon the nonsensical “militant” will be replaced by “civilian”.

Imagine future Guardian articles:

“Yesterday night a civilian who happened to own an explosive belt exploded in a Tel-Aviv civilian restaurant. Seventeen civilians killed outright and 45 more injured. IDF civilians closed the Gaza strip to create better conditions for killing of more civilians.”

Confused by the above? Me too.

Anyway, it sure warms my little black Zionist heart to know how much attention is warranted by that small piece of land called Israel.

Go, Guardian, go!

P.S. I am thinking about cranking up my good old tank to visit Gaza to kill me a few civilians while the season is open. That in a purely civilian fashion, of course.


ModernityBlog said...

Great blog, very funny

Anonymous said...

Yeah, it's funny how a Palestinian who fires a rocket at a Israeli kindergarten is called a "civilian" but of course the constant drum beat from the Arabs is "there are no Israeli civilians. Even a 1 day old baby is a potential oppressor (and a legitimate target).

Anonymous said...

Anonymous said...
'..it's funny how a Palestinian who fires a rocket at a Israeli kindergarten is called a "civilian"

Hang on a bit! which edition of the Guardian carried that description of the incident?

SnoopyTheGoon said...

Hey jim,

The post you have commented on is dated November 1st.

The first sentence in this post says "Several headers from today’s on-line edition of Guardian Unlimited".

Shouldn't take a fucking rocket scientist to figure it out. Saying this, anonymous did not mean (I assume) that this is what the article says, just the general attitude of GU - anyone (including the Palestinian who fires a rocket at a Israeli kindergarten) is called a "civilian", once IDF kills him.

Just to make it crystal clear:

1. GU labels ANYONE killed by IDF a "civilian".
2. That "ANYONE" term includes innocent bystanders. In cases like these Guardian is 100% correct.
3. But, and much more frequently, it is people who carry... OK, see the initial post. If you consider that they should be lumped with innocent bystanders in the "civilians" category - look up article 2 in our charter -------------> there.