A day in the life of a turkey.

Actually, the article is titled "Turkey of a Day for Jackson".

And why does the media create all this noise? I mean, it only goes to confirm that Mickey is right thinking that he is "the most popular person in the world". Who would argue. Granted, most of the today's teenagers are not so sure what "Michael Jackson" stand for, but let's not be small-minded here.

Now to the gist of his complaints.

"They suck--they're like leeches. I'm so tired of it," Jackson purportedly says in a phone message to Wiesner...

"They start out the most popular person in the world, make a lot of money, big house, cars, and everything, end up with, penniless. It is a conspiracy. The Jews do it on purpose."

No, Mickey, it is not a conspiracy. We are ready and willing to admit that we did suck your blood when you were a youngster, and the blood was fresh and tasty. A simple trivial gefilte fish became a treat for kings with a few drops of the stuff.

True, we made a few bucks out of you too in our bignosed insinuating way.

But now, look at you:













You will be the first to admit that anyone who succeeds to make money out of this could make even more money of selling snow to Inuits. As for the taste of your blood nowadays, not to speak about the contents - come on...

In short - it was nothing personal, just business. But don't despair, we have a new idea about your next look and feel. It will make us all lots and lots of moolah. Gib a kook:









We are lining up a few plastic surgeons we found useful in the past. Such as the guy who done Jimmy Hoffa into Marilyn M. and the one who stitched that beard on the guy you know as Fidel C. and his shtetl in the old country still remembers as "that poor nebich".

You will be as good as new, and it will not cost you a penny, they owe us a favor or two. Be cool.

Oh, and as for your blood, just forget it. No need anymore.