27 November 2005

Is Comical Ali back?

All of you (OK, some of you) probably remember the man and his valiant fight with the occupants. Almost single-handedly he succeeded to defeat the Big Satan. Well, the problem was that Big Satan wasn't aware of it at the time and continued to press forward with said occupation.

It appears that the man has found a new employer now - the Iranian MEHRNEWS. Now his repertory switched from the past Nibelungian heroics to purely comical. And he is so good at what he does that we have decided to put aside his stuff till the weekend - to be consumed during the time when we could really concentrate on the most funny places - in the solitude, serenity and silence of our own restrooms.

Comical Ali calls himself now Hassan Hanizadeh and concentrates on internal affairs of the "Zionist regime". Like in this article:

“Colored” earthquake rocks Israel

(Sounds like an eruption of a particularly big and troublesome boil, innit?)

"Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon’s decision to quit the right-wing Likud Party and the victory of Amir Peretz in the internal election of the Labor Party, coupled with the dissolving of the Israeli parliament, the Knesset, are all signs that a political earthquake has struck the Zionist regime."

We have tried to use our fingers to figure this out: Sharon's decision and Peretz's victory coupled with dissolving... Who is coupling with whom, for krissake?

"Sharon, who has been in power for five years, has shown that he has been defeated in the internal, external, and military arenas and must soon leave office forever."

That would be a new one. The one thing the old boy was showing consistently (besides being a fatso) was outfoxing everybody and their sister.

"The second failure that caused an intensification of the Israeli government’s political crisis was the victory of Amir Peretz in the election for Labor Party leader."

Was it a failure or a victory? Please clarify. We are holding our collective breath here!

"Amir Peretz is a young and less-known politician with an Eastern background. This is the first time that a non-military figure has become the leader of the party."

Sure. Peres is still using that old tank Ben-Gurion gave him as a parting present, when Peres was taking over from him as chief of staff.

"Israeli President Moshe Katsav’s order to dissolve the parliament created another crisis for the Zionist regime."

But we thought it is Sharon who asked... Nah, never mind.

"Since the Labor Party, led by Peretz, is expected to win that election, the world will observe a new political approach to the Arab-Israeli conflict."

Nice to know that, my ten bucks say Peretz is the one! Thanks for the tip, buddy. Mind if I put another ten on Sharon, just to be on the safe side?

"Sharon’s failure and his gradual departure from the political arena is a prelude to a change in the occupied territories, which is occurring as a result of the relentless armed struggle of Palestinian resistance groups and because the international community, and especially the West, no longer wants to pay the price of keeping the Israeli reactionaries in power."

That was a mouthful! No one in the department understood this one, and our lawyer, after reading it, says it will be definitely actionable - as soon as he figures it out.

I have also quoted parts of the article to my dog, the old boy pissed himself laughing.

And I don't even have a dog!