19 November 2005

"it runs through the maternal line" - Ken Livingstone

Here Ken, what's all this about then?

"There’s no evidence of where my maternal grandmother came from, she was called Zona".


Listen Ken, I know you're going to find this one a real shocker, but there's a certain likelihood that there's a damn good reason why your Granny's past in unclear. We may also assume that her early career choice was not recorded in your family annals. See Ken, a lot of Jewish names were taken from professions or trades that ran in the family. Since biblical times to Modern Hebrew, the name of one of the oldest professions hasn't changed, it's held steady and constant thorough the ages. As a certain generous woman was described in the Torah, to the street strollers, pacing the modern southern reaches of Hayarkon Street in Tel Aviv, Hebrew has remained unaltered for thousands of years. "Ben Zona" is a run-of-the-mill blessing that most Israelis will use without a second thought; Ben meaning Son, while in this context it implies - Son of. Although technically, narratively speaking, it could be a choice label for your lineage, the correct Hebrew sentence would mean grandson of. Bringing it all together, you would be Nekhed Shel Zona; translated, grandson of [a] Zona [Whore].

"And I remember a couple of times when I was a kid, she would say to me, 'Don’t let anyone ever tell you you’re Jewish.'”

Now we don't want to get ahead of ourselves on this one Ken, but we can hazard a guess, as to the reasoning behind her cautioning advice.

"Which made me think we must be, otherwise why would she raise this"?

Well yes, and there you go; Zona's your Grandma.

"And I remember chatting to Greville Janner about this, saying it sounds like a middle European name. So I might be Jewish".


Greville is certainly a polite man; you may have noticed a slight smirk as he was listening to your confession.

"Not that I want anyone to feel mortified about this at the Board of Deputies".

Hey ken, mortified is not really the right term here, titillated would be more to the point man.

"I mean, because it runs through the maternal line if it turned out to be true I could go and stand for the Knesset, couldn’t I? In Israel I could be elected, no problem".

Listen Ken, we've got enough Ben Zona's in the Knesset as it is, one more would not really make a difference.

Hi EL it's most certainly me...

5 comments:

Fabian said...

Dammit! you made me laugh twice!
At the library everyone is looking funny at me.

Anonymous said...

This does at least explain what the Board of Deputies is up to - having missed the chance to stone the grandmother, they can't pass up the opportunity to drive the grandson into the wilderness.

GideonSwort said...

This does at least explain what the Board of Deputies is up to

No, not the board of deputies sweetie, we're the Elders. Naturally the BoD does receive its Agenda from Zion. However, we do allow them certain leeway from time to time.

having missed the chance to stone the grandmother

Yes, well what can you do, win some lose some.

they can't pass up the opportunity to drive the grandson into the wilderness.

Actually, we're bringing him in from the wilderness, he's being remapped as we speak.

Oh, and do come back again sweetie, it's not like we're strangers now, is it?

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