23 March 2016

Gazan tunnels' collapse and the cause thereof

By now you know that the above means only one thing: the Elders' HQ issued a special permission to divulge some information hitherto unavailable to the media. It is called "scoop" in some circles.

As you might know, the brave warriors of Hamas are not a little discombobulated lately by the chain of inexplicable tunnel collapses and are scared to enter them:
Despite reports attributing the collapses to heavy rains, many Hamas members reportedly believe that Israel is causing the collapses. Hamas terrorists have seen Israel engaging in countermeasures against the terror tunnels. One Hamas member speculated that Israel has liquid explosives that can cause the tunnels to collapse, while another believed that Israel can cause localized earthquakes.
The media, of course, started its own circus of speculations, with headlines like these:

Israel Ramps Up Fight Against Tunnelers With ‘The Obstacle’

Israel Is Building a Secret Tunnel-Destroying Weapon

Some more shady sources are not only excelling in their headlines:

Israel builds ‘Underground Iron dome’ to tackle tunnels

but are even able to produce some visual evidence:

I don't know about you, but all I can see in this incomprehensible picture is something like a part of a grand piano and a row of huge green suppositories, accompanied by a row of huge green roller suitcases. Oh well.

Some even ascribe the collapses to the divine intervention:
Rabbi Shriki, deeply concerned about the growing threat to southern Israel, decided to call for divine intervention. About six weeks ago he began praying at the border fence, a dangerous area, asking God to help Israel. To his students, it is clear that Rabbi Shriki’s prayers have been answered.
The army doesn't argue with that opinion:
The question was put directly to Maj.-Gen. Yoav Mordechai...:

Did the IDF have a hand in collapsing these tunnels, which pose a threat to Israel’s citizens?

“God knows,” the general replied.
Of course I am not in a position to argue with God's will (who is?), but it is known that the deity helps those who help themselves. And I am glad to tell you (with the above mentioned permission, of course) that this time it is not our rocket scientists and their mechanical contraptions that found a countermeasure to the digging itch that consumes our cousins in Hamas. It is the masters of creative transfiguration in another domain - that of biology. The ones who brought to the amazed world the Mossad* spy birds, the Mossad bloodthirsty sharks, the Mossad fighting dolphins, the Mossad giant piranha with its raging hunger for underwater cables, military vessels' hulls etc.

Ladies and gentlemen, behold the latest and fiercest: the Mossad Giant Molerat (MGM):

A remark on the above: the human figure on top of MGM was photoshopped on the original frame, for the viewer to get the sense of MGM's size.

The beast, a result of genetic modification combined with advanced secret inter-breeding techniques that use animal psychology and amorous misdirection via mind control rays, is equipped with bulletproof self-greasing hide that allows it to move with speed underground and easily overcome any (futile) attempt of resistance, in extremely rare cases such resistance might be offered. So far no such cases were registered.

And another important nowadays detail: the MGM is vegan, in accordance with the environment protection guidelines and doesn't consume the Hamas diggers it happens to encounter and squash.

Meanwhile the cave-ins continue.

But now you know why.

(*) Frankly the addition of "Mossad" to the titles of the various zoo-warriors is no more than another misdirection. While the Mossad folks are useful and eager group, they are still mere understudies, vying for available junior positions in the Elders outfit, and they are aware of their true station.