17 June 2011

"Where's my gold bars?", asks future POTUS

It is with quiet glee and intense happiness that I've perused this article.

Are the gold bars in Fort Knox really made of the precious metal? Or has the U.S. government secretly sold off the nation's stockpile and replaced it with metal bars that are only painted gold?

Ron Paul wants to find out.

Giving legitimacy to an Internet conspiracy theory that the gold in Fort Knox is fake, the iconoclast Republican congressman from Texas has asked adminstration officials to audit the purity of the nation's 700,000 gold bars held in Fort Knox, according to an internal Treasury document obtained by CNBC.
Then I have called my supervisor (well, there is still one, my rank in the Elders' HQ notwithstanding) and received a special permission to go public on this subject. So, here we go.

It is not a secret that chief of Federal Reserve is usually Jewish. Many fine upstanding citizens complained and are complaining about it, to no avail of course. What was a secret until now is that every new Fed chief goes through extensive and exhausting program of athletic training prior to getting the job. I suspect that some of you may have already guessed the reason for it. Indeed, schlepping the fake "gold" bars into Fort Knox and getting the true ones out, all that during the night, is not an easy task. If you appreciate that a gold bar weighs 27.5 pounds and consider the fact that every morning the chief has to be in the office, bright and chirpy, you will understand why we replace them so frequently. No, it's not because of the cushy job with great benefits, I can tell you that much...

Well, by now the story bears telling, since a) many of you suspected so anyway and b) the job is finished, to Elders' HQ full satisfaction. We left a few real gold bars here and there, for the usual ole spot check (to be conducted by the chief of Federal Reserve, of course, so we've marked these bars by a Star of David). Otherwise, all the good stuff is located now under a certain ugly (some even say ugliest) building in Jerusalem.

As for that:
The Treasury document says it would cost about $15 million to conduct an audit. The process would take about 30 minutes to verify the gold content of each bar, or 350,000 man hours; to do that would would take 400 people working for six months, according to the document.
Really, you should save the money. If this guy become president, he may need it.

So, to take a look backward with some satisfaction:
  • 2000 - getting to dominate the world: check.
  • 2011 - finishing relocation of the Fort Knox gold: check
  • 2011 - upsetting Ron Paul's digestion: check
  • 2020 - so far confidential, but we'll get there, no doubt.
But, on the bonus side - you could still get this guy for POTUS, you know:


Cross-posted on Yourish.com


Dick Stanley said...

Paul is a sideshow even among conservative Republicans. He's never run for the U.S. Senate in Texas because he isn't popular enough to get elected statewide for anything. So you can safely forget him ever being president.

Israel has enough trouble with Obama and if he's reelected and no longer needs to worry about the Jewish vote, oh boy, it'll be Katy-bar-the-door.

SnoopyTheGoon said...

It's good that he wouldn't be elected anywhere. But he is so unhinged, it's irresistible. And his followers are even more unhinged.

jams o donnell said...

Paul needs to consider a change of direction. A soft room, straitjacket, lobotomy and plenty of mashed banana  would be more in his line

SnoopyTheGoon said...

I agree, but then we'll be separated from a nice source of entertainment.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, this guy is a certifiable barking at the full moon looney! Or in the inmortal words of that Great American, Bugs Bunny:

"What a Maroon!"

The idea that all the gold has been secretly removed from Fort Knox is an old favorite among conspiracy minded looney-tunes like Paul. It is right up there with the Bavarian Illuminiti and the Free Masons.

Snoopy: For a bit of historical background on these conspiracy mongers, you can google up William Dudley Pedley and his Silvershirts from the 1930s and the John Birch Society and the militia group, the Minutemen from the 1960s. 

David All said...

Sorry, Guest in previous comment was me. 

SnoopyTheGoon said...

Yes, he is all that.