26 June 2014

Save the penguins of Israel!

The following satire was written by late Mark Azov (1925-2011), playwright, novelist, poet, writer, satirist and humorist. Mark Azov was a member of the Unions of Writers of Russia and Israel, chairman of the North (Galilee) branch of the Union of Russian writers of Israel, the head of the literary association "Galilee", chief editor of "Galilee", author and actor of "Galilee" theater in Upper Nazareth. The translation that follows is not a professional one, hopefully one will be forthcoming in the future.

(Report from the XXII century)

"The dumb penguin shyly hiding his fat body in the crevice . . ."
Maxim Gorky

According to the newspaper "Allahu Akbar Times" (New York, 2169), the International League "Political Correctness Without Borders" conference held a regular daily session dedicated to the protection of native citizens of Antarctic coastal ice sheet.

A brief history of the issue. Sixty-nine years ago, with the advent of XXII century, by resolution of UC (United Caliphate), all Jews remaining on the planet have been allocated a territory to create their own national state. In order to avoid confrontation with the local population, after a long search, a "no man's zone" was found finally - namely a portion of the ice fields near the continent of Antarctica. There has been no population which could possibly qualify for the establishment of a sovereign state, .

To their credit: for 69 years the state, which the Jews call by the ancient name of Israel, has made significant progress in the field of economy, industry, science, education, culture and created the most powerful army on the icy continent. The Israelis have particularly succeeded in agriculture. Ice and snow are not in sight anymore. Ski lovers have to fly to Switzerland. Artificial soil of former ice fields grows all kinds of cereals and vegetables known to mankind. Banana plantations, gorgeous vineyards, olive groves amaze by variety, abundance and size of fruit. State of the art highways are lined by date palms. Citrus trees grow everywhere, including rooftops. Walls, fences, balconies are covered by climbing roses. Skyscrapers are made invisible by flowers. Creators of artificial climate are so skillful that people wear shorts and don't take them off even at the South Pole, where they go on holidays with their barbecues. In short, Jews settled the best, as always. And, as always, at the expense of the indigenous inhabitants of the occupied territories.

Who are these natives? Who owned the land, so to speak, before the Jewish invasion?

Activists of the "Political Correctness without Borders" noticed a miserable existence of Antarctic penguins, which are now suffering in this "pink-orange Jewish paradise".

Reader! Put yourself in the unfortunate penguin's place. Barely sixty-nine years ago, free penguin was diving from the ice edge into the icy waters in search of fish and warming his eggs in the snow, nurturing his offspring. Now he slaps his webbed feet on the hot asphalt highway lined by date palms, which don't make no nevermind to the poor penguin. Jews imagine themselves masters of the country, which belongs to the penguin - now a second-class citizen. The penguins are even not accepted by the Israeli army! Schools and universities, in which penguins study, hospitals in which they are treated, and social benefits that they get, and even if they occupy positions in public institutions and in parliament - all this is no more than a smokescreen, an attempt to create the appearance of equality and in fact, a mockery of the poor bird. The country is still Jewish. Unhappy brachypterous people, burdened by academic degrees, are forced to pull Jewish teeth, to cut their appendices, to sell them medicines in pharmacies or to protect the interests of Jews in court.

Simple uneducated penguins have to drive buses and taxis, sometimes, in despair, sell fruit and vegetables to Jews at the market, or, at worst, to open their shops or large chain department stores and restaurants so as not to die of hunger.

Reader! If you have a canary or a goldfinch, would you plant the poor feathered creature behind the steering wheel of a jeep? And the Jews, the owners of the country, forced the penguins to spend their hard-earned money on expensive cars and to drive them on city streets, listening to eardrums-bursting music. Poor bird! They even try to force the penguins to observe the traffic rules, so as not to crush a Jew accidentally. To what depths of inhumanity could you go to torture a living creature? And the Jewish girls bare their legs, shoulders and even bellies on purpose, so the penguins lose their senses and rush at the girls, emitting cries, swallowing snot and flapping their wings. In short, the suffering of penguins in Israel is immense and indescribable. The only thing the Jews don't do is eating the penguins, and this only because the latter is not kosher.

Is it possible, after all this, to blame Israeli penguins for their dislike of the Jews and disloyalty to the country?

"We are citizens of Antarctica! - They say proudly, - And all we have is Israeli passports and social benefits."

Jews are vainly trying to tame them, tempting the penguins by humanitarian aid. Columns of refrigerated juggernauts bring fish for penguins daily and nightly. However, these pitiful handouts from the oppressors cause nothing but indignation.

- Are we, the free birds of the cold seas, doomed to eat Jewish fish out of the fridge? - cried the freedom-loving penguins to the international community.

And, in the end, they got their way, their efforts were successful. By a special resolution of United Caliphate the Jews were invited to "go to Israel", i.e. back to the territory of the former Palestine.

"But there are the Arabs ..." - the Israeli Prime Minister Haim Ivanov tried to protest, which caused some laughter to the Assembly members:

"What Arabs? Arabs have all left for Europe and America a long time ago. Are they fools to tolerate your Jewish Khamsin?"

And then the cursed Zionists committed another crime against humanity. They left all the penguins in Antarctica for good. Abandoned them to their fate, along with palm trees, vines and roses that covered the skyscrapers. And they have packed their Jewish belongings and retreated to the eastern shore of the Mediterranean Sea, where for a long time nothing would grow. Only sand and stones, rocks and more sand, with the last trees gnawed by the goats.

Jews, of course, will make good there. But what happened with the penguins when the Jews went away and stopped supporting the artificial climate? Brachypterous feathered bipedals, spoiled by humanitarian assistance and the Ministry of Social Welfare, found themselves unprotected, on the edge of the ice, among ice floes in the seventy degrees frost, face to face with the ruthless nature of the Antarctic. Imagine an intelligent penguin with a master's degree from Hebrew University, an expert in the field of prosthetics (not beaks), with an Israeli passport, but without social support on bare ice with bare ass (well even if in shorts )...

The Israelis' brutal act caused an angry reaction from the world community. In the streets and squares in Paris, Brussels and Milwaukee incensed humanists broke fingers and cut off ears of those who tried to justify the inhumanity of the Zionists.

As the president of the International League "Political Correctness without Borders" Dr. John Ibn-Hara Suleiman said to our correspondent: "The atrocities of the Israeli military are not surprising."

Pity the bird ...


DickStanley said...

Not at all what I thought. Which would have been a lot more painful.

SnoopyTheGoon said...

Probably same as my first though when I seen the headline.