JPost 1 : Haaretz 0

As reported by Elder of Ziyon.

The Elders' HQ in total disarray after a half -ruling on sex with the enemy

A study by the Tzomet Institute titled "Forbidden sexual relations for the sake of national security" released this week rules that female Mossad agents may have sex with the enemy in missions against terrorists.

Rabbi Ari Shvat explains: "There are ocassional, lone cases in which female agents in our secret service initiate seduction in order to protect our nation's security. The question is: Is it permissible for the state to initiate and use forbidden sexual relations in rare and extreme cases, if that is the fastest and most efficient solution for getting necessary information or stop an act that endangers national security?"

I hope that rabbi Shvat sleeps on this decision and realizes that he forgot something important. Meanwhile our field agents of male persuasion are totally demoralized.

Oh, and while we are at it:

We are putting Sky News on notice: there is no such word as "permissable". And there will be no female agents thrown in for this execution, mind you...

France and Britain warn their respective travelers

The French government has warned citizens traveling to Britain to exercise caution due to a very high risk of terrorist action in the country that could target public transport and tourist sites.

The British Defense Ministry warned British citizens to exercise extreme care when dining in French restaurants all over the world. "You never know with them Frenchies and their fancy dishes", said a senior defense official.

Update: the real reason for the French terror alert:

Julie Burchill: An up-itself language that deserves to be thrown in the dustbin of history

He he he...

Separated at birth or what?

I would like you to check this picture against the following set, borrowed from Mick Hartley:

Do you see the reason-defying similarity between the first picture and the leftmost one in the second set?

Is it just a case of two monsters separated at birth or a secret Soviet incubator that produced (still produces for all we know) these prize bulls of world communism?

Nah, that's too much for me. I shall pass the issue to Aussie Dave, surely he has an answer in his archives...

The dancing IDF soldier, BBC, CNN, FFS - and YOU

This post is not about the dancing Israeli nincompoop of a soldier, nor about BBC or CNN or even FFS. It's about you. But to define "you", we'll have to peruse the two following exhibits. Which are simply lists of most popular news from BBC and CNN:

1. BBC

2. CNN

Now we can define "you". You in this case means any single one of the multitude of readers that promoted the article marked by red arrow to the list of the top stories - by being inordinately interested in it.

So, my dear YOU: I have a few words of advice to offer. First of all, peruse the list of other headlines for the same day (incidentally, it's October 5, 2010, for future reference). Then think about all this.

Then - FFS, please try to get a life. Really...

Cross-posted on Yourish.com

Mahmoud the Mad revs up

The recent frenetic activity by Mahmoud Ahmadinejad aka Mahmoud the Mad is really something jaw-dropping. Here is a sampler:

...in a speech Sunday he went a step further using a deeply offensive insult in response to U.S. statements that the military option against Iran is still on the table."May the undertaker bury you, your table and your body, which has soiled the world," he said using language in Iran reserved for hated enemies.

Your table? Wow, dude...

Iran's president called Israel a "savage dog unleashed in the region" Sunday...

Unfortunately, he didn't specify what kind of a dog he has in mind, and now our curiosity kills us here...

Ahmadinejad is set to visit Lebanon on October 13, where he will "officially recognize it as an Iranian base" in the Middle East.

Which recognition tickles the Lebanese pink, as you can imagine. So, without further ado:

Is it padded room time? Should someone hefty sit on his head for a while?

Or what?

More poisoned fruit of globalization

Eight people thought to be German nationals were killed in a suspected drone strike in northwestern Pakistan, two Pakistani officials said Monday.

Let's see how it translates in globalization terms: eight German citizens, probably of mixed Middle East origins (Yemen, Marocco, Saudi Arabia, Somali etc. come to mind) killed in Pakistan by Hellfire missile launched from a Predator drone, both produced in USA (General Atomics Aeronautical Systems and Lockheed Martin), some of it based on Israeli design, most of it, probably, stuffed with Taiwanese and Chinese electronics and whatnot.

 This is what I call big G...

Howard Arenstein, Orly Azoulay - Katz (the Israeli angle) and a question

What the heck - don't they build basements in US of A anymore?

Sheikh Daoud Bessis, RIP

Sheikh Daoud Bessis of Daliyat al-Karmel, who fought the Nazis during World War II and helped rescue Jewish prisoners, died over the weekend at the age of 96.

The full story of the Sheikh's odyssey.

120 retired officers know: someone knocks their nukes off

The latest deluge of the articles on the UFO subject is focused on the uncanny knack of the E.T.s to disable the military nuclear installations all over the world. While the paraphernalia of the aliens continues to show the bewildering variety of shapes (saucer, fat cigar, triangle, even a orange or reddish pulsating oval-shaped object) and approaches, the main point in the latest articles was that the aliens can easily switch off whole launching sites, effectively disabling the mighty WMDs of nuclear nations.

Of course, everyone understands by now that it's not the usual "classic" foes:

Hastings said that because similar incidents had occurred in the Soviet Union - as attested to in declassified KGB files - it was not the Russians messing with us or us messing with the Russians.

Even if there is an element of flippancy in this:

"We can also rule out the Samoans," he added.

I wouldn't discard any suspect that quick, and Samoans should not be waived away in this manner too. However, due to the disturbingly high level of histrionics surrounding the nukes, the Elders have decided to come out with an explanation. No more Aliens ate my Pershing! headlines, please.

Yes, it is the Elders who meddled with your nukes, dear Americans, Brits, Russians, Chinese, French etc*. For many years we have checked (and rechecked again, as is the manner of our field operations dept.) our POND (POrtable Nuke Disabler) before it was concluded that it works as prescribed and can effectively destroy all known nuclear weapons without the operator moving his/her backside from his/her office in ...

Of course you may want to know why did we have to organize the whole megillah with flying saucers, triangles, cigars and whatnot. Why the crop circles, dripping molten metal and indentations in the forest? Why, in short, all the crapola that keeps Spielberg and many others busy for so many years and sells Prozac like there is no tomorrow?

Especially when the POND's size is about that of an iPod. Well, to start with - we needed some distraction. It certainly helps when the senior officer on duty gets several phone calls in his bunker from guards stationed on the surface, complaining about UFOs, while all nuclear missiles under his command are blinking out of existence...

And who will listen to him the next day, when half of his soldiers are on tranquilizers and the second half cannot agree whether the objects in the sky were circular, square and what kind of lights did they carry... Not to mention the crop circles. Really, let's not mention the crop circles - maybe the first two or three were fun, but after that it's a major pain in one's backside...

So, the whole UFO geschaft is being discarded by the Elders as of now. No more flying saucers, strange pulsating lights, no more audio-visual shows. And if you happen to see some strange object skulking around your neighborhood and lighting the sky in all kinds of ways, you better call the air force.

Like they care...

(*) The case of Andorran arsenal mentioned by Jams baffles us too, frankly. It could be our own installation of several thousand years ago, but what with the state of our archives and general laxity of records...

Open letter to Isi Leibler

Update: I am happy to tell that, upon exchange of e-mails with Mr Leibler, the issue at hand was resolved to everyone's satisfaction. The mention of liberals was a slip up and not an intentional insult.

And as an aside: it takes a mensch to own up to the mistake, and Isi Leibler is certainly a mensch!

Dear Mr Leibler,

In your JP article Candidly Speaking: Islamophobia and the Jews you have twice mentioned an entity you call "liberals" in the same breath with "Muslims". According to the claim you make re liberals in cahoots with Muslims, they spearhead "the greatest revival of global anti-Semitism since the Middle Ages". The only other mention of liberals in the article is found in this sentence:

It is macabre to observe the alliance between liberals and jihadists who represent the antithesis of everything the Left purports to represent.

This sentence indicates that you have equaled "liberals" with "the Left". There are no more mentions of liberals or explanation why liberals found themselves on the same side (of global anti-Semitism) as Muslims.

According to the definition of classical liberalism, it means:

a political ideology that developed in the nineteenth century in Western Europe, and the Americas. It was committed to the ideal of limited government and liberty of individuals including freedom of religion, speech, press, assembly, and free markets. It drew on the economics of Adam Smith, a psychological understanding of individual liberty, natural law and utilitarianism, and a belief in progress. Classical liberals established political parties that were called "liberal", although in the United States classical liberalism came to dominate both existing major political parties.

Rereading this definition, I can say that I sincerely hope that you, Mr Leibler, belong to or, at least, sympathize with this brand of ideology. I certainly do.

I can only guess that you have (mistakenly) conflated liberals with the Left. There are indeed some left-wing liberals, however not many of them are anti-Israeli or anti-Semitic. It is true that the Left these days, by and large is anti-Israeli, although it's not true regarding all Lefties, and one should be careful when ascribing anti-Semitism to every left-leaning person.

However, going back to liberals, seeing them spearheading a revival of modern anti-Semitism is quite a wide miss, not to mention a grave and unjust accusation to throw at a generally good group of people.

I think that for a man of your caliber and achievements, such a sweeping (and simply wrong) allegation against a large group of individuals is beneath you and urge you to correct or retract it.

With regards.

Haveil Havalim #285 — Back to the Beginning

By Frume Sarah. A good one.

Rick Sanchez is out - long live Rick Sanchez!

Here is the interview that got* this super-dumbo finally out of the CNN building.

Huffpost have done a sterling job in getting some choice quotes. Like this one:

The conversation began with Sanchez decrying "elite, Northeast establishment liberals" who "deep down, when they look at a guy like me, they see a guy automatically who belongs in the second tier, and not the top tier.

Second tier? The man's ego is still overinflated... I seriously doubt there is a tier for a person that monumentally stupid as Rick here...

As for them Jooz:

Very powerless people... [snickers] He's such a minority, I mean, you know [sarcastically]... Please, what are you kidding? ... I'm telling you that everybody who runs CNN is a lot like Stewart, and a lot of people who run all the other networks are a lot like Stewart, and to imply that somehow they -- the people in this country who are Jewish -- are an oppressed minority? Yeah. [sarcastically]

Yeah, Rick - next time you decide to snicker sarcastically, have you hankie handy. Just in case, you know...


(*)At least this is the official version. I claim that this post did it.

Ahmadinejad to throw rocks at Israeli border. And our response?

Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad plans to throw a rock at Israel to demonstrate his hatred on his planned trip to Lebanon, London-based paper Al-Quds al Arabi reported on Tuesday.

Aluf Benn, a wise guy from Haaretz, gives a mocking advice to Bibi:

Ahmadinejad will pay his first visit to Lebanon and devote an entire day to a tour of the southern part of that country. He will visit sites where Hezbollah waged battles against Israel and, according to one report, he will also pop over to Fatima Gate, just beyond the border fence at Metula. The route is known, the range is close and it is possible to send a detail across the border to seize the president of Iran and bring him to trial in Israel as an inciter to genocide and Holocaust denier.

Bibi is quiet about his plans so far. On the other hand, Avishy Cohen, a private of the reserve paratroopers unit which is scheduled for guard duty at the border fence near Metula, predicted:

I wouldn't even fart in his general direction. Mahmoud / Shmahmoud - big deal!

Intercourse judge in nutty condom stunt

Now, don't blame me for that headline - blame the author of this article. I hope that it will become clearer after you read this:

A judge from the US village of Intercourse has been charged - after handing out condoms hidden inside acorns. Isaac Stoltzfus, 58, was charged with disorderly conduct after two women complained to police, reports the Patriot-News.

There is indeed a village of Intercourse in Pennsylvania's Amish country. It does have a judge and his name is indeed Isaac Stoltzfus. And there exists a document that shows the charge. As for the reasons for such a strange behavior of the Hon. Isaac Stoltzfus (that's besides the natural stress of being a judge in a place named Intercourse): there could be some explanation:

Stoltzfus, running as a Republican, was reelected last year to a six-year term on the bench, where he earned $80,927 in 2009.

So - Republicans, ACORNs, etc...who knows?