Something is rotten in the Elders' HQ

I am taking a serious risk here, posting this inter-departmental memo from the Elders' HQ. So please don't tell anyone, OK?

To: [redacted], Field agents training dept., Elders' HQ
From: [redacted], European operations dept., Elders' HQ

Date: [redacted]

Subject: Operational readiness of the agents and the British fiasco.

Dear [redacted],

I am sorry to raise the subject, but the recent developments in the Albion are extremely disturbing. On one hand, our operation aimed at destabilizing the Labo(u)r party and discrediting that golem Corbyn was very successful, our fellow Jooz now believe that he is totally antisemitic. Which is good.

But the operation success was undermined by some loose tongues. Look what that Mark Serwotka character discovered:

The leader of one of Britain’s main trade unions has suggested that Israel created the antisemitism row that has engulfed Labour over the summer.

Mark Serwotka, who leads the Public and Commercial Services Union (PCS) and is a staunch supporter of Jeremy Corbyn, told a fringe event at the Trades Union Congress conference that the Jewish state could have “created a story that does not exist” in order to distract attention from “atrocities” he said it has committed.

Now, [redacted], please tell me that it is not your newly matriculated agents [redacted] and [redacted], that were drinking last week in London, in that [redacted] pub and talked loudly about the ways and means of our operation? It is by sheer luck that the waitress in the pub, one of our senior operatives, was able to slip [redacted] in their beer. Otherwise they might have very well been discussing our mind control technology and other ways to force the golem into his incredibly stupid slips of the tongue. Not to mention our secret way of adding truth serum to the London water supplies that made his minions to behave in the same manner.

Yes, I know that you have asked Colonel Ron Prosor, the ex-ambassador, to write that article in The Telegraph, where he, among other things, tried to discredit the (totally true) fact of him personally printing out the pro-Zionist speeches for MPs, government ministers and royal family members. But who reads The Telegraph, I ask you? It is behind a pay wall anyway. Yes, I know that he was trying to shirk that task, complaining about the sore state of his fingertips after all these years of controlling UK, but in any case the article did exactly the opposite of what it was supposed to accomplish.

So here is what I want you to do now. Open a page from the KGB (FSB it is called now) field manual and do exactly what the Russkies have done with these two hapless Novichok carriers. Prepare an interview where the two young morons, [redacted] and [redacted], will tell how they spent a vacation in GB, while most of the time under influence of a new experimental substance and were mostly concerned with all these British cultural treasures: the Big Ben, the Westminster, the Karl Marx grave - you know what I mean, from the list.

Yes, I know that you are in training dept. and not in operations, but on account of the whole being the fault of your product, I leave this part to you. And don't worry about exposing [redacted] and [redacted] to the media, we'll have to [redacted] them anyway.

Please let me know when the task is accomplished.
Elders rule!

Your [redacted].

P.S. And about this Serwotka putz: [two further paragraphs redacted]