Israel to Europe: can we be of assistance?

Update: the post below was published first here on April 13, 2016. On April 26, ToI published a news item that is very (but very) relevant to the post.

An alleged boycott of Israeli technology may have prevented an airport security deal offered to France after the deadly Charlie Hebdo and Hyper Cacher attacks last January, and which could possibly have thwarted the subsequent Islamic State terror attacks in Paris in November and Belgium several months later.

According to an Israeli security source who spoke to Fox News on Monday, an Israeli security company offered terrorist-tracking software to the Directorate-General for Internal Security, France’s main intelligence agency — software that could have helped flag the deadly IS terror cell that perpetrated the attacks in Paris late last year and those in Belgium last month — but was rebuffed allegedly after an official made clear that Israeli technology could not be purchased.

Well, enjoy the rest of the story.

This epic dialog came to my attention from a Russian source. Blame the Russians.

Israel: Belgium, Europe, we are sorry to hear about your troubles, please accept our condolences. What do you plan to do now?
Europe: Most probably, we'll decide to strengthen our boycott on the merchandise produced by Israel in the occupied Palestinian territories.
Israel: We understand. Do you require assistance? Surveillance systems? Face recognition software? Geolocation? Search algorithms? We have all of it.
Europe: Yes, the face recognition software, it is exactly what we need, thanks!
Israel: Glad to be of help... although there might be a slight problem. The company what developed this software is located in Jerusalem, and, according to the official maps by UN, two booths of their men's restroom are in East Jerusalem. But it's not a big deal, is it? Might save some of your people...
Europe: Hmm... OK, we'll recognize the faces by ourselves somehow. How about some fresh carrots, carrots are good for your eyes and memory? Could you ship, say, 20 tonnes?
Israel: Sure. Only, while the carrot is grown in a kibbutz, it is packed in an industrial zone in Samaria...
Europe: All right, we'll manage without the carrots. How about the geolocation gizmo?
Israel: It was tested on Golan Heights.
Europe: The digital surveillance system?
Israel: The same...
Europe: The airport security installation?
Israel: The CEO's house is beyond the Green Line.
Europe: The non-conventional explosives detector?
Israel: The chief engineer's brother's spouse comes from Jordan Valley.
Europe: Then maybe the software support system for our security services?
Israel: We have a lot of it, every schoolchild will write one for you, but the problem is that all these school kids are usually taken for a visit to the old city of Jerusalem.
Europe: Maybe some exchange of experience in your dealing with terrorism?
Israel: Sure, but all of it is gained in our years of fight against Palestinian terror...
Europe: But you must have something normal, something legal that doesn't fall under our sanctions. Which sanctions are meant to defend human rights and to stop the occupation. Something that might help us to defeat the terror?
Israel: Yes, there is that flower shop in Tel Aviv, right near the beach. They produce artificial flowers too, so you can have a wreath there, to place on the scene of terror.
Europe: Fine, let's have it!
Israel: If you buy 20 wreaths, a discount of 15% applies.
Europe: OK, we'll need them.