18 July 2006


This is a service announcement. Due to reasons beyond our control, SimpyJews will be mostly inactive for the rest of July.

As for GWB saying "shit" in public - I think that the interested parties should root for an impeachment because of this, the said impeachment process ending before end of July by all means available.

16 July 2006

Hi, Vladimir Vladimirovich

Meryl expressed here her take on the latest curious opinion of president Putin on the war on Hizbullah:

President Putin has suggested Israel has ulterior motives in Lebanon rather than simply the return of abducted soldiers. "We condemn any terrorist act including hostage-taking but we have the impression that besides the return of its abducted soldiers, Israel is pursuing other, wider goals," he said on Saturday.

Of course, at the first glance the above quote looks as another stupid utterance by a politician past his shelf date. After all, Vladimir Vladimirovich knows for sure that we do not intend to behave like the Soviet (and later Russian) army that killed more than 100,000 people, most of them unarmed citizens, in Chechnya. And leveled their capital city to boot.

So what is the real meaning of that sinister utterance? Taking into account the profession of the man - KGB nurtured and trained character, the Elders decided to check on what he knows. Using our mind control team, we have discovered that Vladimir Vladimirovich got wise to our latest enterprise, which is to take over the area known today as Calininskaya "oblast" with Caliningrad as its capital. Of course, Germans have the temerity to address it as Königsberg, but no matter - in any case, we have decided that the Russian lease has expired and we need an access to Baltic sea. It seems that the fishes in the northern waters carry more of that Omega stuff that is good for one's heart or liver or whatever.

So, here is the map (click to enlarge).

The blue line on the map marks our planned high speed railway that will expedite the supply of the fish and other goods from the North. Of course, the countries that happen to be in the way of the railway will be offered a choice between joining the new Protectorate of the Elders or form the railway gangs as the custom requires.

And we suggest that you, Vladimir Vladimirovich, take as a man the imminent loss of that (relatively small) area of Calininsk. After all, it is you and your European friends who are preaching that any country, no matter how murderous were the intents of her foes, should return the territory gained by means of war. We have decided that you be the one to show the world how it is done. And since the Germans are not too eager to ask, we'll safekeep the area for them. For a while, you know what we mean...

P.S. The railway could have been much shorter from Italy, which is planned for our future residence in tune with Mahmoud the gorilla's suggestion. However, due to the natural tardiness of Italians, the date for our move is not set yet.

Cross-posted on Yourish.com

The mask is coming off

For years various newspapers and miscellaneous information sources were reporting that Hizbullah is accumulating thousands of missiles and artillery pieces transferred from their sponsors in Tehran via Syria. For years these reports were disregarded and even derided.

And of course, the Ayatollahs strongly denied any and all accusations of feeding the flames of war on our northern border. But now the truth comes out:

London-based Arabic-language newspaper al-Sharq al-Awsat quoted a senior Iranian army official as saying that The Islamic republic'’s Revolutionary Guard set up dozens of advanced rocket and missile bases in the Lebanon Valley and along the border with Israel. Between 1992 and 2005 Hizbullah received some 11,500 missiles and rockets, 400 short and mid-range artillery shells as well as rocket launchers. According to the report, Iran transferred some 40 different types of missiles and rockets to Hizbullah over the years.

In 2005, for instance, Hizbullah received the first shipment of huge 333 millimeter rocket launchers, as well as large quantities of ant-aircraft SAM-7 shoulder missiles and C-802 missiles, originally manufactured in China. The C-802 was used in the recent attack on the Israeli Navy ship off the Lebanon coast.

To remind our readers: ostensibly the reason for Hizbullah's armed wing existence is to "free" the tiny piece of ground called Shaaba farm, the fact that according to UN measurements and the Syrian claims belongs to Syria notwithstanding.

An astute reader will definitely ask him/herself: why would anyone need thousands of missiles, including the long range ones and even ground-to-sea ones, in order to free a smallish piece of real estate that lies on the border?

In Israel, an intelligence official said Saturday that elite Iranian troops helped Hizbullah fire a sophisticated radar-guided missile at the Israeli warship. The official, speaking on condition of anonymity because of the sensitive nature of the information, said 100 fighters from Iran'’s Revolutionary Guard were in Lebanon.

These nice folks should be between the first to be targeted. They have no business to conduct on the soil of Lebanon, but all the good reasons to be planted in this soil.

So, after all, at least one good thing is happening amidst the death and destruction: the ugly face of the terror instigator and sponsor is showing itself more and more clearly to the whole world from under the dilapidated mask of pious religious purity.

Cross-posted on Yourish.com

15 July 2006

Checking in with Hassan

Hello Hassan,

Just a note to tell you that we've really missed seeing your face on our TV screens. You have to understand that your voice alone doesn't really carry quite the same impact. Our boys in the Hasbarah department would like to offer that your media campaign may not be all that effective if your strategy is to sit your moment of glory out in a bunker, hidden away, and could even be perceived as lacking in self-confidence...

We are sure that you wouldn't want to give that kind of impression at this juncture.

Shalom to Sandmonkey

Hi Sandmonkey,

First of all - thanks for the tip on the funny cartoon by Tarek Shahin:

Of course, we hope to win the measurements contest. We just have to. At least in the mustache contest our minister of defense is a hands down winner.

Meanwhile, regarding your remark on the necessity to switch our targets and to bomb Damascus instead of Beirut: I can understand the logic. Indeed, the main culprits hide (quite comfortably) in their Damascus and Tehran villas. However, they are able to be what they are - culprits - because the people of Lebanon allow them to. I have already written about the rights and the duties of a sovereign, not a lot to add to it. If the Lebanese people will not take care of Hezbollah, nobody will do it for them, and the conflict will continue to simmer with flare-ups of the kind we are seeing from time to time.

Let's hope that the message that is being sent to Lebanon is loud and clear and that there are enough sane minds to hear it.

Meanwhile - best wishes from the Elders.

Update: Haaretz report that I have missed says:

The London-based Al-Hayat newspaper reported Saturday that Israel issued an ultimatum to Syrian President Bashar Assad, according to which a regional war would erupt within 72 hours if Damascus does not prevent Hezbollah attacks.

According to the report, a Pentagon source said that if Syria does not try to influence Hezbollah, Israel could bomb essential installations in Syria. The source neither confirmed nor denied rumors that Israel had given Damascus 72 hours to comply with international demands.

I hope that it will not happen, otherwise it's a real war. Let's hope that baby Assad takes heed.

An open letter to the Lebanese bloggers

There are Lebanese bloggers, some outside of the country and some, who's courage I admire, inside the country, that do not save scathing criticism of the Lebanese government that turns a blind eye on Hizbullah - that cancerous growth that de facto occupies the south part of the country for so many years and even succeeded to push its cells into the parliament and the government itself.

Some of the bloggers even call upon Israel to destroy Hizbullah. To make it disappear.

Sorry, folks, I understand your pain and am concerned and worried about the loss of innocent lives and the damage to your beautiful country. I am not at all sure that aerial bombardment preferred by IDF could win this battle against the enemy who knows perfectly well how to disappear after a dastardly deed. Aside of destroying some worthless Hizbullah bases and some minor missile arsenals, this is a largely worthless activity that causes the innocent Lebanese to hate us more and even support the despicable gang.

But here it stops. IDF is not and cannot be a subcontractor for the Lebanese government and the Lebanese people. Granted, for many years IDF was passively watching the Hizbullah build-up on the border, without moving a finger. But at the final count it is the Lebanese internal issue, and if you couldn't or wouldn't do anything about it - too bad.

I hope that a temporary compromise could be reached in the current crisis. But in the long run there is no alternative to the Lebanese getting the guts and the muscle required to clean the south and to destroy Hizbullah - once and for all.

Lebanon made a first step on the road to independence, getting rid of the Syrian military. But Iran, via its Syrian proxy, is still reigning unchecked. It is up to Lebanon and its people to make the next step.

And good luck to you. Israeli people do not harbor a grudge against Lebanese people, and we all hope that the time will come when we'll be able to meet in Tel-Aviv or Beirut and exchange some friendly insults as men do over a beer. But meanwhile - stand up to that Hizbullah menace. And get rid of it.

This is how you do it!

What do you do if you are a Zionist, an ardent supporter of the state of Israel - my Zionism right or wrong, blue on white, Hatikva before going to bed, in short - the whole enchilada? But with one difficult twist: you have to look just the opposite - an ardent supporter of Arab cause, right or wrong, whatever colors on the green of Islam, Bil'ady, Bil'ady, and all that is entailed. This is definitely a quandary, but the great minds of the Guardian know how to deal with it exceedingly well, and my heart goes out to them. After all, we, the Elders, provide only occasional guidance to this self-supporting publication. And we frequently quote it as an example of rotten anti-Israeli rag with not a lot of visible grey cells in action.

However, where there is a will, there is a way. And the way found by the Guardian works like a dream: find a terminally stupid supporter of Arab cause, preferably with some (phony or real) academic credentials and elicit from him a rant of a typical slanted type. Do not check any facts mentioned in that rant, publish it as it is, and voila: you have made a mighty powerful strike for the Zionist cause while ostensibly rooting for the other side.

Here is a typical sample of a successful implementation of this devious strategy: an "opinion" piece by Amal Saad-Ghorayeb, a learned assistant professor of political science at the Lebanese-America University. It starts with a strategic statement:

Israel's response to its soldiers' capture is part of a hamfisted attempt to redraw the region's map

Aha! So all this hullabaloo was started by the devious Zionists to get themselves a chunk of Lebanon. Now it is clear, and Hizbullah is just an instrument of Zionist self-provocation. Good.

The capture of three Israeli soldiers by the Lebanese resistance movement, Hizbullah, to bargain for prisoner exchange should come as no surprise - least of all to Israel...

It is a surprise, especially for the fact that it is two soldiers that were captured. Oh well...

The prisoners Hizbullah wants released are hostages who were taken on Lebanese soil.These detentions have become a cause celebre in Lebanon.

Yep. Hostages indeed. Some cause celebre, just look at the darling Samir there. If you are too lazy, here is his bio (short but sufficient) version, again:

Samir Qantar was 17 when Israel Police arrested him after he burst into a flat in Israel's northern city of Nahariya, killed a policeman and another man and his four-year-old daughter. An Israeli court sentenced Qantar to 542 years in jail, of which he has served more than a quarter of a century.

If this is how the people of Lebanon look at "hostage" problem, and this is their cause celebre, it is no surprise that Hizbullah got to be what it got to be...

The regional significance of the abductions has also been misconstrued.

Here you see the scientific mind in action. "Regional significance" that is "misconstrued". Clearly the American taxpayer dollars at work. Feverish work, too. A band of thugs, inspired by the custom-made reading of Islam and armed to the teeth by the bosom buddies from Iran and Syria, pretends to regional significance on the blood of their Lebanese brethren. A great study case for political science, no question. But also a cause for an executioner, and don't thank us - better do this yourselves before it becomes too late.

Ach, professor - it must be a thankless job to try to explain the unspeakable and to swallow the unpalatable. Especially when your mental prowess leaves a lot of room for improvement.

But back to the Guardian: good job, colleagues. Your medals are, as usual, put in a strongbox, to be shown to you in a private ceremony, never to be seen in public. Keep up the good work!

Cross-posted on Yourish.com

14 July 2006

Mutual and consistent respect

I do appreciate the dependability of it all - it can be carved in granite, a reliable expression which ultimately and traditionally sums the UN's stance vis-à-vis Israel... Consistency.

"Annan is sending a U.N. team to the region,"

Don't get me wrong, I'm not pitching a victim's perspective here, I think that the relationship between Israel and the UN is one of mutual respect. Israel respects the UN's right to consistently take the side of whomever Israel is engaged in a squabble with. A rapport where the UN will entertain any notion condemning Israel, even when Israel is not the aggressor. In fact Israel might very well respect the UN's intrinsic right to forgo condemnation of any given act of aggression against Israel, and move directly to denouncing Israel's retaliatory actions.

"but Olmert said Israel will cooperate only if the team's objective is to return two Israeli soldiers kidnapped by Hezbollah earlier this week and to implement Resolution 1559."

I'm am nonetheless absolutely confident that Mr. Annan deeply respects Israel's sincerity, and appreciates the conviction in which Israel cordially remains consistent and acknowledges that Mr. Annan and the UN have remained dependable and reassuringly predictable in their latest condemnation of Israel's actions.

Furthermore, I'm positively certain that Mr. Annan respects, understands and appreciates that the UN's latest condemnation was in all likelihood noted by Mr. Olmert, and may have possibly even been considered, momentarily.

Eternally confused or idiotic question of the week

Chirac questions Israeli intentions

Speaking during an interview in the gardens of the presidential palace on Bastille Day, he said: "Israel's military offensive against Lebanon is totally disproportionate. Is destroying Lebanon the ultimate goal?"

"One could ask if today there is not a sort of will to destroy Lebanon, its equipment, its roads, and its communication."

It is not for nothing that we use this excellent confusion icon:


The (really) last post about Mondial

The author, unfortunately, unknown, but many thanks to him/her.

And do not miss these cartoons (click on the gifs as well when inside).

The woman who made it happen

In our era of narrowing scientific expertise, rarely does a person discover a hidden connection between seemingly unrelated areas of knowledge. Discoveries of this kind are becoming things of the past, and, I fear to say, the golden age of Leonardo will never return.

It is absolutely astounding when in this age someone breaks the mold. Extends the envelope, makes a breakthrough, pushes the pedal to the metal, takes it all, spanks the ca... Er... scratch the last one. Anyway, you know what I mean.

In short, when a momentous discovery of a link between two so far seemingly unrelated entities - Zinedine Zidan and George Bush - is made, easily and elegantly, as if an afterthought, and by a person who's only claim to a scientific title is that she served 8 years as adjunct professor at the University of Southern California's School of Journalism - why, doesn't it make you cry tears of happiness?

While the whole world stood agape at the sight of Zizou headbutting an Italian player, and then waited for a week for an explanation of this inexplicable phenomenon, never observed hitherto on a myriad football fields in the world, only one person - Patt Morrison, she of many titles and achievements, kept her cool and analysed. And analysed. And a... Sorry, I am still overexcited.

Anyhow, here it comes - the groundbreaking scientific article disguised as a humble "opinion" piece in LA Times.

NOW WE KNOW why France's team captain lost his cool in the World Cup finals and France lost the trophy to Italy.


Zinedine Zidane, who is of French and Algerian ancestry, head-butted an Italian player who insulted him. Although Zidane in an interview Wednesday would not say what words provoked him, a lip reader hired by the Times of London claims Marco Materazzi called Zidane "the son of a terrorist whore.''

That's pure trickle-down politics. From the White House to the soccer pitch, "terrorist" has "cooties" and "your mother wears combat boots" flat beat as the top playground potty-mouth slur for the 21st century.

Who's surprised? The Bush administration has been scattering the word like ticker tape on a Manhattan parade. Old McDonald left the farm for the NSA, and now it's here a terrorist, there a terrorist, everywhere a terrorist.

Are you sufficiently breathless? No? Your worthless body and worthless mind don't contain a single scientific molecule then. Turn yourself in to the nearest butcher as a suitable material for cat food.

To Andrew Ian Dodge - you made my day!

Cross-posted on Yourish.com

13 July 2006

Hello Hassan

The Elders would like to take this opportunity to say hello to Hassan Nasrallah.


Casus belli?

It's been tepid for years, a low intensity simmer, bubbling occasionally into a controlled boil. Since Israel's pull-out of Southern Lebanon, sting surgical operations typified what's turned into a cross border conflict. Once the IDF returned behind Israel's sealed northern boundary, Hezbollah moved in and took positions along the fence, sometimes a shouting, stone throwing distance away from IDF posts.

The years of standoff status-quo were used well by Hezbollah to stock itself with supplies, kindly furnished by Syria and Iran. The two ever-present incognito overlords keeping the region sufficiently active to suit a variety of agendas. Some prominent Israeli experts and commentators are pointing out that a combination of regional issues, mostly the west's focus on Iran, now about to take practical steps at the Security Council, were a major motivation behind this Hezbollah sting operation.

Recent history, indeed the events leading up to this rupture are a major factor in the purpose of this escalating conflict. Israeli media, feverishly interviewing ex-generals and politicians across the political spectrum has shown an almost unanimous alignment; enough is enough, has become the rally point of convergence. This is not an exercise, nor is it a campaign. This is turning out to be about returning Israel's deterrence, for all intents and purposes - a war.

Ehud Olmert declared a convention change, one which will significantly alter the rules of engagement; Israel will not accept the proxy game any longer. Lebanon will not be allowed to take cover behind the Hezbollah. In the same context, he mentioned and sent a non specific point of intent to Syria. There are, and will be future implications for the PA and Hammas – Israel it seems, no longer sees a difference between a military and a political wing.

The IDF has called on its reserves employing emergency procedures. Israel's three prominent news channels have also reported on a major IAF reserve pilot call up. This morning Beirut's airport has been knocked out, the runways destroyed. Lebanon has been maneuvered into a tight air and sea blockade. Exacting a toll seems to be Israel's intent.

Northern Israel has received the brunt of Katyusha's throughout the day. Local leaders as well as residents are squaring up behind the government - the message to Olmert throughout the day has been, 'we'll take the brunt, if you unleash the IDF'. With assurances like that, the way ahead seems pretty clear, that is if you don't factor in international pressure…

It must be the echo...

Barely have I posted a diatribe on the ultimate responsibility of a sovereign, and already some people echo my sentiments. Well, let's not be too humble - it is no less than the French FM who decided to confirm my thoughts on the subject.

"For several hours, there has been a bombardment of an airport of an entirely sovereign country, a friend of France ... this is a disproportionate act of war," Douste-Blazy told Europe 1 radio station.

Oops... It seems that, while confirming that Lebanon is indeed a sovereign country, the guy succeeded somehow to distort the meaning. Hmm...

OK, it could be explained. One or the following must have happened:

  1. My poor French (non-existent, to stick to the truth)
  2. Acoustic distortion - happens all the time with the echo
  3. Inherited genetic problems that the double surname families are plagued by
Further research is indicated.

Cross-posted on Yourish.com

No shit, Sherlock?

CNN delivers a smashing news item:

Lebanese Interior Minister Ahmed Fatfat called the airport strikes a "general act of war," saying they had nothing to do with Hezbollah, but were instead an attack against the country's "economic interests," especially its tourism industry.

Apparently the Hon. Sheikh Nasrallah just forgot to tell the busybodies of the Lebanese government that he declared a war on Israel. Too bad.

Simon says - UN impotence laid bare

As a matter of record, the full title of that article by Simon Tisdall is "UN impotence laid bare as Gaza suffers". However, after a short hesitation, I have decided to remove the coda, since "Darfur suffers", "India suffers", "Congo suffers" and many others, even the improbable (or impossible in that rag?) "Israel suffers", could do as well.

I shall mark that day in my journal: it is a unique occurrence of being so completely in tune and in agreement with a newspaper title in general, and with one found in Guardian in particular. And I don't even have a journal, so it calls for a visit to a stationary shop as well, and who knows what wonders will this day bring!

Oh, and I have completely forgot: otherwise the article is complete and utter rubbish. It does not take a genius to guess that, after eloquently describing the Gaza suffering (real and true, to be sure), Simon T. quickly fingers the two responsible parties - the Big Satan and the Small Satan. In his refined British way of formulating this rubbish.

So, I have several remarks to make re some points raised in the article (count them yourself this time).

Leading UN agencies are issuing increasingly dramatic warnings about the humanitarian situation in Gaza...

Stop the Qassams and free our soldier.

There have also been numerous expressions of international public dismay.

Stop the Qassams and free our soldier.

"An already alarming situation, with poverty rates at nearly 80% and unemployment at nearly 40%, is likely to deteriorate rapidly unless immediate, urgent action is taken," the UN agencies said in a joint statement.

Stop the Qassams and free our soldier.

The UN Relief and Works Agency said Gaza was "on the brink of a public health disaster" due to electricity and water shortages caused by Israeli military action.

Stop the Qassams and free our soldier.

The World Food Programme said 70% of Palestinians in Gaza were to some degree dependent on food aid, a situation that has in any case been steadily worsening following the US and EU's decision to ostracise the Hamas-led government.

Stop the Qassams and free our soldier.

Unicef said Palestinian children living in "an environment of extraordinary violence, insecurity and fear" were being harmed psychologically.

Stop the Qassams and free our soldier.

Kofi Annan, the UN secretary-general, has also repeatedly called for a halt to a confrontation that began in earnest after a Palestinian incursion into Israel on June 25 killed two soldiers.

Stop the Qassams and free our soldier.

He urged militants to release Cpl Shalit and stop firing rockets at Israeli civilians, called on Israeli forces to show restraint, and asked their government "to act urgently to facilitate the import of essential medical supplies, foodstuffs and fuel".

Stop the Qassams and free our soldier.

I hope that a person as intelligent as Simon T. could easily decipher these remarks. If not, I am ready to provide an additional lesson - gratis.

Cross-posted on Yourish.com

The "rogue elements" and the denial syndrome

For years and years Palestinian leaders have successfully used the same excuse for any act of violence perpetrated by their own: this is not our fault, this is not our policy - this is that rogue group of "militants" - be it Jihad Islami, PFLP, PRC and any other handy abbreviation from the alphabet soup of assorted gangs.

The abbreviations are easy to come by, are expendable, and the new day may bring a new name. This excuse is also useful for our "friends" in the mass media who rarely blame the Palestinian leaders, but very quick on the trigger to blame Israel for "disproportional response".

The same scenario was played out many time by our northern neighbors. Lebanon and its government that seem lately to enjoy a period of calm and prosperity, are playing the same "it is not us" card, to be followed by complaints about "disproportional response" and all the usual menu of histrionics. And the usual responses follow:

The Lebanese government denied any involvement in the capture of the soldiers.

Sure, this is precisely the point: Hizbulla is just another name for denial.

Now, while the chief Hizbulla thug is beating himself on the chest and hailing his achievements, and while some analysts are predicting next Machiavellian twists and turns of Middle Eastern power games, we must go back to basics and to deal with that useful denial.

The sovereign must pay. This is where the buck stops, denials notwithstanding.

Hamas will pay for the steady and deniable rain of Qassams, and Lebanon will pay for the deniable Hizbulla. There just isn't any other way to deal with this, not matter how deep the analysis.

And just for reference:

This is one of the icons Nasrallah uses to justify the kidnappings: Samir Qantar.

Samir Qantar was 17 when Israel Police arrested him after he burst into a flat in Israel's northern city of Nahariya, killed a policeman and another man and his four-year-old daughter. An Israeli court sentenced Qantar to 542 years in jail, of which he has served more than a quarter of a century.

Come to think of it, denial was raised to the level of an art form by the Muslim world. It is never the people who are guilty, it is just that rogue Al Qaida or this rogue Chechen bandit or another rogue Kashmir liberation group...

But let's keep it for another story.

Cross-posted on Yourish.com

12 July 2006

The lonely voice of sanity

The following article has already appeared in several blogs. Since it is a rare example of an Arab journalist giving it straight and not pulling his punches and, besides, there is a registration process in The New York Sun, I have chosen to post the whole of it.

Few words about the author: Youssef M. Ibrahim.

Youssef M. Ibrahim is an Egyptian-born American reporter serving for twenty-four years as a senior Middle East regional correspondent for The New York Times and The Wall Street Journal, mainly covering political, economic, energy and military issues. Mr. Ibrahim has been based throughout the world, filing hundreds of reports detailing the conflicts and issues between the Middle East and the West.

Now to the article. Enjoy.

Dear Brethren, the War With Israel Is Over

As Israel enters the third week of an incursion into the same Gaza Strip it voluntarily evacuated a few months ago, a sense of reality among Arabs is spreading through commentary by Arab pundits, letters to the editor, and political talk shows on Arabic-language TV networks.The new views are stunning both in their maturity and in their realism. The best way I can think of to convey them is in the form of a letter to the Palestinian Arabs from their Arab friends:

Dear Palestinian Arab brethren:

The war with Israel is over.

You have lost. Surrender and negotiate to secure a future for your children.

We, your Arab brothers, may say until we are blue in the face that we stand by you, but the wise among you and most of us know that we are moving on, away from the tired old idea of the Palestinian Arab cause and the "eternal struggle" with Israel.

Dear friends, you and your leaders have wasted three generations trying to fight for Palestine, but the truth is the Palestine you could have had in 1948 is much bigger than the one you could have had in 1967, which in turn is much bigger than what you may have to settle for now or in another 10 years. Struggle means less land and more misery and utter loneliness.

At the moment, brothers, you would be lucky to secure a semblance of a state in that Gaza Strip into which you have all crowded, and a small part of the West Bank of the Jordan. It isn't going to get better. Time is running out even for this much land, so here are some facts, figures, and sound advice, friends.

You hold keys, which you drag out for television interviews, to houses that do not exist or are inhabited by Israelis who have no intention of leaving Jaffa, Haifa, Tel Aviv, or West Jerusalem. You shoot old guns at modern Israeli tanks and American-made fighter jets, doing virtually no harm to Israel while bringing the wrath of its mighty army down upon you. You fire ridiculously inept Kassam rockets that cause little destruction and delude yourselves into thinking this is a war of liberation. Your government, your social institutions, your schools, and your economy are all in ruins.

Your young people are growing up illiterate, ill, and bent on rites of death and suicide, while you, in effect, are living on the kindness of foreigners, including America and the United Nations. Every day your officials must beg for your daily bread, dependent on relief trucks that carry food and medicine into the Gaza Strip and the West Bank, while your criminal Muslim fundamentalist Hamas government continues to fan the flames of a war it can neither fight nor hope to win.

In other words, brothers, you are down, out, and alone in a burnt-out landscape that is shrinking by the day.

What kind of struggle is this? Is it worth waging at all? More important, what kind of miserable future does it portend for your children, the fourth or fifth generation of the Arab world's have-nots?

We, your Arab brothers, have moved on.

Those of us who have oil money are busy accumulating wealth and building housing, luxury developments, state-of-the-art universities and schools, and new highways and byways. Those of us who share borders with Israel, such as Egypt and Jordan, have signed a peace treaty with it and are not going to war for you any time soon. Those of us who are far away, in places like North Africa and Iraq, frankly could not care less about what happens to you.

Only Syria continues to feed your fantasies that someday it will join you in liberating Palestine, even though a huge chunk of its territory, the entire Golan Heights, was taken by Israel in 1967 and annexed. The Syrians, my friends, will gladly fight down to the last Palestinian Arab.

Before you got stuck with this Hamas crowd, another cheating, conniving, leader of yours,Yasser Arafat, sold you a rotten bill of goods - more pain, greater corruption, and millions stolen by his relatives - while your children played in the sewers of Gaza.

The war is over. Why not let a new future begin?

to Bacon Eating Atheist Jew

The underassassinated genius

This article opens another view on the man behind the explosive belt.

As a child growing up in this town of nothing much, Khaled Meshaal was known as the kid with all the answers.

"Khaled was a genius," Sheik Abdulhai Ayed, 51, an imam at Silwad's largest mosque who attended elementary school with Meshaal, said recently. "His specialty was problem solving. If there was a question we couldn't answer, the teacher would bring Khaled from the lower grade ... He solved the problem and went back to class. "

But even the admirers of the self-made genius are beginning to have their doubts:

"Khaled was stubborn. He hated sports and was completely focused on school. He will work hard for us," Sheik Ayed predicted shortly after Hamas was elected. In recent days, the imam has changed his mind: "Things have gone from bad to worse," he reflected yesterday.

I have a question for the genius: what should be done with a person who sends his brothers and sisters to die and to kill other people in the name of Allah the merciful, knowing perfectly that, aside of killing and being killed, there is no sense whatsoever in the death and destruction? The person in question sitting in his armchair in Damascus, protected (ostensibly) from getting his dues?

I know it is not nice to wish for a death of another human being. However, this is one of the cases where it could not happen to a more deserving person.

"Khaled will never bend to accommodate what outsiders want. His head is hard," an aunt said months ago.

Hard enough to stop a bullet?

Cross-posted on Yourish.com

11 July 2006

Einstein - a true scientist in everything

There is some noise in mass media related to the latest discovery of the apparent philandering by the great scientist.

JERUSALEM (Reuters) -- Albert Einstein had half a dozen girlfriends and told his wife they showered him with "unwanted" affection, according to letters released on Monday that shed light on his extra-marital affairs.

He was reputed to have been a charmer who bewitched Marilyn Monroe, and had 10 lovers outside of two marriages.

Of course, the layman and the amateur of the press and the layman and the amateur of the public will find this information satisfying their lowly craving for scandalous tidbit.

But, as everyone with a tiniest understanding of the scientific method will tell you, this seemingly demeaning information only increases the respect and admiration for the relentless and faithful application of the basic rule of the scientific research by the great physicist. See here:

Keep in mind that when a lay person says "theory", he or she typically means "an unproven and untested guess." This is very different from what a scientist means when he or she says "theory", and is actually synonymous with what a scientist means when he or she says "hypothesis".

This distinction is very important and has caused no end of problems[sic!].

Keep in mind that, to a scientist, a theory is a hypothesis which has been tested and found correct numerous times; to a lay person, a theory is just a guess.

The great man, unlike many of us mere mortals, was not satisfied with the pitiful level of knowledge we, the males, have about the mysterious and strange better half of humanity. So, like a true scientist, he formed a theory and proceeded with obtaining the test data by all means available. I am more than sure that somewhere in the archives we shall find a manuscript titled, in Einstein's humble manner: "About some aspects of inter-gender communications". Or something in that vein.

And this manuscript shall change the life as we know it today!

Something stuck in your throat, sir?

It is funny to watch the verbal acrobatics some people go through when talking about Basayev's demise. Of course, Guardian (easy guess, ain't it?) produces the best example of the tortuous squirming. See today's on-line edition headlines:

Even before we start with the articles, the smell of controversy is already in the air: "terror leader" on one hand and "the militant who went too far" on the other.

The first article in the above list, the one dubbed "Beslan terror leader killed" in the picture above, is by Nick Walsh. Not a bad egg, all things considered. So, when you open the article, the internal headline is "Beslan massacre mastermind dies in blast as Russia says he was plotting new attack". Well, the despicable an brutal murderer was much more than Beslan massacre mastermind, but still...

But then the author slips into a familiar groove. The word "terrorist" appears only between quotation marks, attributed to various Russian sources. And the inevitable happens almost immediately: "He and 12 other militants were killed in a blast...". Obviously, the habit is stronger than the truth: the insidious "militant" is in.

Nick Walsh is also the author of the next opus on the same subject. It is headlined "Explainer: Shamil Basayev" (yeah, sure, who but Guardian to "explain" the unspeakable?). Here the cozy "Militant who went to far" appears for the first time. Sounds almost like a schoolboy who missed a lesson on purpose, or stole a candy in a grocery shop. You will find "gunman" but no "terrorist" in this one. Gunman is defined in a dictionary as "a person who shoots a gun", by the way.

But all this is a mere appetizer - before the inimitable Jonathan Steele comes in to take the whole cake. Forget "terrorist", forget "militant", it is now:

Chechen politician seeking independence through terrorism

Or, if you will: one-time guerrilla commander, politician and warlord, and even ruthless adventurer... An impressive dictionary - fits an image of a scribe who is hard put to avoid the unavoidable.

Poor show, Guardian, but not quite surprising.

Cross-posted on Yourish.com

10 July 2006

The end of another vermin

I hope that the news in Russian press regarding Basayev's demise are correct. If so:

No matter who is in the right or in the wrong in Chechnya, this creature was a mass murdering terrorist. No buts about it. And congratulations to all who made it happen.

It's a pity, though, that Russians still divide the terrorists into "my terrorists" and "your terrorists". I hope it will end in the future.

The case of a regular joker

One of the titles in Times Online says it all about Omar Brooks: Once a friendly Christian, he now backs the bombers. I don't know about his prior friendliness, but today he is a leading Islamic comedian, according to this.

The audience laughs as Omar Brooks, a British Muslim convert who also uses the name Abu Izzadeen, makes fun of non-Muslims as "animals" and "cowards".

At one point he announces dramatically that the September 11 attacks on the World Trade Center "changed many people's lives". After a pause, he brings the house down by adding: "Especially those inside."

There is more where it comes from, but that's enough, I think. Deborah thinks that these quotes simply do not warrant any comments and speak volumes for themselves. I agree, with addition of a proposal based on the following quote:

...he told an audience of teenagers and young families that he did not want to go to Allah while sleeping in his bed "like an old woman". Instead, he said: "I want to be blown into pieces with my hands in one place and my feet in another."

No worries, mate. I think the above depicted object, applied to a correct orifice, should solve your problems. Should be a great exit act for an aspiring comedian, too.

Cross-posted on Yourish.com

Civilian Casualties

This is the whole issue in a short and concise post.

And re European and UN pontificating: we know about that Jupiter and bull paradigm.
There is a lot of bull in it.

The last post about Mondial

I really mean it. At the moment, of course. Remember this?

Do you known what Marco Materazzi told Zidane to make him lose his cool?

(!hsiweJ si mom ruoY)

To our Arab colleagues

Perusing the satirical content of the Arab newspapers is a thankful job, due to unquestionably colorful material, the broad brushstroke, the freedom of expression that reigns there. At least where the Jooz are concerned. Ynet has done a good job selecting some more brilliant examples of creativity.

Being of an open mind and friendly demeanor, the Elders' Hasbara department decided to help our colleagues with some minor technical details that may create an impression of shallowness on the side of the cartoonists, if not corrected in time.

To start with this cartoon:

It is supposed to depict the rivers of Palestinian blood, no need to explain who is the culprit.
Two remarks:

  1. The color of blood should be more... er... bloody
  2. Zionists do not regard blood with such slothfulness. Jooz will never let the blood flow away free. From time immemorial the blood spilled by enemies of the Jooz is regarded and treated as a vital resource. We collect it separately, according to the age, gender and health state of the deceased enemy. Nothing is lost.
The next cartoon:

This cartoon is delicately hinting that the Jooz perpetrate their usual unspeakable behind the smokescreen of the Mondial. That's true, of course: there is no better smokescreen than Zinedine Zidan headbutting an opponent. But please, do not come to a hasty conclusion re Zidan. He is not our agent, just a puppet of our mind control techniques. As are many others. Definitely all the judges, to start with. You may have experienced that sense of total bewilderment by some of their decisions, so now you understand the reasons.

But the important point is that we do not restrict our dastardly acts to football. You should have seen our mind control team in action during the last Olympics! So keep it in mind and try to develop a broader view.

Now to the last one:

That Palestinian dove - shouldn't it excrete Qassams instead of eggs on that cartoon?

Cross-posted on Yourish.com

09 July 2006

HH 77 is up!

This time it is done by Batya, she of many talents. I know, I know, we had (have) our differences of opinions from time to time, but this is not the time nor the place. Besides, that headline she found: "Kookie, Kookie, lend me your comb!" beats that banal "Haveil Havalim" #xx hands down, no question about it. And, on top of it, Batya discloses (voluntary or not) her heartthrob of teen age.

Am ahad, with 77 HHs to boot, so go there and rejoice, ye readers!

What will you have?

Sometimes, when I see more than one Hamas' announcement in a row, I feel the invisible presence of late Yasser's ghost. The ghost is smiling in his regular hideous way and rubbing his hand gleefully.

Warning: the image below may cause suffering to children and is definitely prohibited for viewing during advanced stages of pregnancy!

Now, after you are sated by the image of the dear departed ghoul, take a look at these two JPost articles:

1. Hamas says it's ready for cease-fire

For the first time since the beginning of the current round of violence, the Hamas government on Saturday announced its readiness to accept a cease-fire with Israel and hold negotiations to resolve the case of kidnapped IDF soldier Cpl. Gilad Shalit.

The announcement was made in the form of a five-point "initiative" that was published by the office of Palestinian Authority Prime Minister Ismail Haniyeh in Gaza City.

and (on the other hand, or, rather, other face):

2. Hamas decries Abbas' call to stop Kassam fire

Hamas decried on Sunday a recent call by Palestinian Authority President Mahmoud Abbas to stop Kassam rocket fire on Israel and release kidnapped IDF Cpl. Gilad Shalit.

A statement published by the group said that "The entire world knows that the rockets are our only way of defending ourselves," Israel Radio reported.

Now you can see that the good ole ghoul has all the reasons to smile. After all, he has excellent heirs. At least as far as double-tongued way of speaking is concerned.

Cross-posted on Yourish.com

POW soldier or kidnapped youngster?

There are many ways to confuse any issue, but the cheapest and the most effective is, as usual, talk. Ynet prepared a good sampler of the Arab press on the subject of Gilad Shalit and the usual righteous grievances of Palestinians.

The editor of Egypt's most mainstream newspaper, Usama Sariya, wrote: "What Israel needs to understand, after the tunnel operation and the abduction of the Israeli soldier, is that this operation answers all the criteria of a military operation; it has all the moral justifications and isn't a suicide attack aimed at civilians."

While the main statement is right (and without going into the issue of justification of the military operation as opposite to, say, trying to establish good neighborhood relationships), the above quote is trying to hide a lie behind the truth. I just have to repeat myself:

The capture of Corporal Gilad Shalit, being by itself an act of war, ceased to be such immediately after the soldier was hidden in a concealed location. Had Hamas wanted to acquire some semblance of legitimacy, it would have declared Gilad a POW, allow ICRC access to him to establish that he is alive and to report on his health, in short - demonstrate behavior expected of a polity. Such behavior would have allowed negotiations on exchange of prisoners (although most of the prisoners kept in Israeli jails could hardly claim the status of POW, but I am sure a way could have been found). Instead, everything that happened since the capture clearly shows that Hamas cannot liberate itself from the behavior pattern of a terrorist gang. Now the capture of Gilad Shalit became a kidnapping, and any demands issued by Hamas are no more than blackmail by a kidnapper.

Ynet continues:

Most of the opinions expressed in the Arab world regarding the kidnapping provide plenty of explanations in support of future kidnappings. "While the Palestinians took just one soldier captive, Israel is holding 10,000 Palestinians captive, whom no one is speaking up for",said Hizbullah leader Hassan Nasrallah in a speech Friday.

It was frequently claimed in the Arab media that Israel in general and the IDF in particular were international war criminals, as they kidnapped parliament members and ministers in violation of international law...

If kidnapping becomes a frequent occurrence it will be a completely different ballgame. Whatever Arab media claims, Hamas is still a terrorist organization, and its ministers are still fair game. It's no use putting the gloss of respectability on the ugly face of a terrorist gang that considers kidnapping a legitimate tool in its arsenal.

And blind support provided by Arab press is causing only more damage to Palestinians.

Cross-posted on Yourish.com

08 July 2006

Run, Sammy, run!


By special messenger

To: Samuel Ben Ladensky, aka Osama Bin Laden
Cave B-35
El-Sharmuta Mountains


It came to our attention that our Hasbara operation, aimed to discredit a certain Larry Darby, backfired. Please take a good look at this picture:

This, apparently spineless, ball-less and sleazy lawyer has more to him than meets the eye. It was our mistake to let him live, I feel that we must confess to a serious error of judgment. And now look what he has done:

A Jew revealed to be a top al Qaeda leader

For the first time, a former Orange County, Calif. teenage rock music fan has revealed his role as a top al Qaeda leader.

Adam Gadahn, who disappeared from California seven years ago, appeared unmasked on an al Qaeda tape made public on the internet today. ...

Adam Gadahn's real name is Adam Pearlman. Adam is the grandson of the late Carl K. Pearlman; a prominent Jewish urologist in Orange County. Carl was also a member of the board of directors of the Anti-Defamation League, which was caught spying on Americans for Israel in 1993, much as AIPAC has been caught up in the more recent spy scandal.

This story is already out, and it is impossible to stop it. Of course, we have started a usual smoke and mirrors operation, including that FBI leaflet that confuses the issue with all these Muslim-sounding names and that Gadahn's Muslim manifesto where he (purportedly) tells the story of becoming a Muslim and much more, thanks to one of the Hasbara tentacles named Michelle Malkin - she has done a sterling work on that story.

But the damage is already done. If that boy gets caught, being far from a genius (what with his brain irreversibly damaged by heavy metal), he will spill his guts, and where you are then? So we have decided to cut the losses. You are thus commanded to unglue the beard, to remove the towel and to proceed post-haste to the usual meeting point, where your next assignment will be expecting you. Take again a good look at the picture above - this is a free hint re your new assignment. You shall be allowed to make it a long one.

Please do not forget to take a shower somewhere on the route. We understand that this way was easier for you to blend in, but ten years are ten years, and there are some limits even for American Airlines.

And no, you are not allowed to bring that goat with you. Leave it to Al-Zawahiri, he is eyeing it for a long time already.

Your faithful
Elders HQ,

Cross-posted on Yourish.com

No children for war?

This article on CNN site drew my attention not because of its contents - most of the stuff is reported by other MSM sources, but because of a photo gallery attached.

The capture under the first picture says:

An injured boy is brought to a hospital after an airstrike by Israeli forces on Beit Lahya.

(To clarify: Beit Lahya is a village which environs are used by the Gazan rocket scientists for their Qassam launches.) That is tragic in any circumstances: children should not be hurt by the stupidity of the grown-ups. As a side remark, other grown-ups that take care of the wounded children could save some crucial time by not posing for the cameras, but it could be hardly helped, knowing the modus operandi of some local tribes.

But then comes the second picture:

And its capture is:

Two Palestinian militants fire during a gunfight with Israeli soldiers Thursday in Northern Gaza.

(To clarify - this is where the village of Beit Lahya is located.) If you disregard the theatrical posturing and the non-military handling of the rifles, and concentrate instead on counting the people in the picture, you shall come to inescapable conclusion: there are some children there that hardly belong in a firefight.

Any ideas about the connection between the two pictures?

Cross-posted on Yourish.com

The latest on Zarqawi's reception party

Comes to show the importance of planning ahead and matching your expectations to reality,

(Source unattributed, hat tip to www.mideastweb.org)

That's one unsquare dude!

I need to pay more attention to the goings-on in Russia. One could miss a very important event and find oneself completely out of the picture and without a dry towel.

The story started here: Russia's Putin Kisses Little Boy Walking Through Kremlin.

Russian President Vladimir Putin astonished a young boy when he stopped by during a walk through the Kremlin. Despite the current political pressures about Iran and the G8 summit scheduled to hold in Russia in two weeks, Putin still found it necessary to exchange a words with the little boy before lifting his shirt to kiss him on the stomach, All Headline News reports.

Aside of the surprising insistence of Mossnews (essentially a Russian media outlet) that the deed was done by a Russian Putin, as if there were several more non-Russian ones, the story did not overwhelm me. After all, I myself was known to kiss some people on their stomachs. Although, come to think of it, the people I have treated that way were grown-ups and not of male persuasion. And I have almost never done it in public places, aside of some emergency situations.

But then the confusion and the uncertainty started to spread. Of course, the trouble-mongers of the Western press refused to accept the explanation, like in Putin fails to explain kissing boy on stomach:

After a week of frenzied speculation across Russia, President Putin finally explained yesterday that he had kissed a young boy on the stomach in the Kremlin because he wanted to "stroke him like a kitten".

"People came up and I began talking to them, among them this little boy. He seemed to me very independent, sure of himself and at the same time defenceless, so to speak, an innocent boy and a very nice little boy," Mr Putin said. "I tell you honestly, I just wanted to stroke him like a kitten and it came out in this gesture. There is nothing behind it."

So what's not good enough with that answer? No only is this journo a snooty Western capitalist running lackey dog, he is also a cat-hater to boot, apparently. For me, as a cat lover, it is a perfectly reasonable explanation. In the absence of an available cat, Putin has had to do with material at hand, so here.

But then this Times character shows off his expertise in all matters Russian:

Russians occasionally kiss babies on the stomach, but almost never five-year-old boys.

Wow, man! That was real deep, I say! Almost of par with the news that Muscovites are known to wrestle white bears on the streets of their city, both the bear and the Muscovite being under influence.

Anyway, the silly attempts of the Western MSM to throw a shadow, to divert attention and to pass the blame are doomed to failure. And Vladimir Vladimirovish is most definitely one unsquare dude. I see a new trend here, and the sooner the Western politicos start kissing boys on the stomach the better.

They can start training with their staff's stomachs in the privacy of their offices. Under supervision of a trained nurse, to prevent apoplexy and knee injuries.

Cross-posted on Yourish.com

07 July 2006

Comment is Free - No comments required

It is one of the cases when Politically Correct idiocy is so outstanding, so in your face, that there is no need to comment neither on the whole nor on the parts of it. It is an article by Martin Jacques in the notorious Comment is Free. To start with - subtitle:

The World Cup is a marvel of global representation. So why is it getting whiter?

And then some choice bits.

With the next World Cup being held in South Africa, we must hope for a much greater representation of African sides. Without doubt, Ghana and the Ivory Coast were two of the best sides in this World Cup, but they fell well before they should have done, while Nigeria and Cameroon, the traditionally strongest African sides, never made it to Germany. Fifa needs to find a way of increasing the number of African sides in the last 32 - hopefully at the expense of Europe.

But this feeling of regression is not just related to the over-representation of European sides - linked no doubt to the fact that it was held in Germany - during these championships. It is also about the question of colour. We are now familiar with the incidence of black and brown players in European sides. This traditionally, however, has only been a characteristic of the French, English and Dutch sides. I haven't tried to make any precise statistical analysis of the European sides this time around but it feels that here again there has been a retreat.

But the matter cannot rest there. There is also something else that is deeply regrettable about global football, namely the overwhelming predominance of whites as managers and coaches. Even Brazil - a team invariably with a majority of blacks and browns - always has a white Brazilian manager.

There may be nations and races galore on the field, but racist assumptions continue to imbue and shape football. And this World Cup has been a step backwards.

No comments. Just a question: are these people for real?


To all my fellow humans of UK: may it never happen again.

More here and here.

Just a pet peeve

I love the language. I wish I could get myself to the level of a native (British or, failing that, American).

Meanwhile, I have developed my own phobia: to the use of a natural-born noun as a verb. After all, it was a good book, as thrillers go. But using that artificial monster of a word "ignitioned" to describe the act of turning the car key in the ignition about 50 times in the story was causing me an electric jolt each time I have stumbled upon it. Yuck.

How could we solution this problem with some Americans?

And now everything is illuminated!

After posting the story about Zhirinovsky's visit to Israel, I have forgotten about it quite quickly, assuming that we'll see the next chapter of the saga in a year or two. However, the chief Russian anti-Semite with a Jewish father cum chief clown of the Duma exceeded all expectations. And here it comes:

Russian politician to sue Germany for family's death, says the new headline.

Russian right-winger Vladimir Zhirinovsky has said he plans to sue Germany for killing his family during WWII.

The leader of Russia's ultra nationalist Liberal Democratic party and a deputy speaker of Duma, the lower chamber of parliament, also said he would sue Israeli doctors for failing to save his father, Volf Eidelstein, after being critically wounded in a car accident on 1983 in Tel Aviv, where he was later buried.

So, as you see, the thrill of waiting for the next turn of events subsided somewhat. Still, after reading the above quoted news item, I got a feeling that I have missed something in the longish article linked in the previous post. After a search I stumbled on it:

Reverently, Zhirinovsky opens a transparent plastic folder. In it is an official Interior Ministry death certificate, bearing the symbol of the State of Israel. He then removes from the folder photographs of his mother, his father and of himself, a two-month-old infant, in his mother's arms. Again he breaks into tears.

Eureka! Now the reason for the tears described above is clear: these are simply tears of happiness of a man translating the lump amount of German Euros and Israeli shekels into vodka bottles.

It is certainly reassuring to know that with this character there is no need in changing the initial diagnosis: dreck.

And thanks to Jonathan Safran Foer for the borrowed title. Great book, by the way.

Cross-posted on Yourish.com

06 July 2006

People: Stop Aiding Kach!!!

I have slightly modified the headline of this post by Greg. Just on the off chance that a non-Jew is in the game, too. Read the post and heed the advice.