16 July 2006

Hi, Vladimir Vladimirovich

Meryl expressed here her take on the latest curious opinion of president Putin on the war on Hizbullah:

President Putin has suggested Israel has ulterior motives in Lebanon rather than simply the return of abducted soldiers. "We condemn any terrorist act including hostage-taking but we have the impression that besides the return of its abducted soldiers, Israel is pursuing other, wider goals," he said on Saturday.

Of course, at the first glance the above quote looks as another stupid utterance by a politician past his shelf date. After all, Vladimir Vladimirovich knows for sure that we do not intend to behave like the Soviet (and later Russian) army that killed more than 100,000 people, most of them unarmed citizens, in Chechnya. And leveled their capital city to boot.

So what is the real meaning of that sinister utterance? Taking into account the profession of the man - KGB nurtured and trained character, the Elders decided to check on what he knows. Using our mind control team, we have discovered that Vladimir Vladimirovich got wise to our latest enterprise, which is to take over the area known today as Calininskaya "oblast" with Caliningrad as its capital. Of course, Germans have the temerity to address it as Königsberg, but no matter - in any case, we have decided that the Russian lease has expired and we need an access to Baltic sea. It seems that the fishes in the northern waters carry more of that Omega stuff that is good for one's heart or liver or whatever.

So, here is the map (click to enlarge).

The blue line on the map marks our planned high speed railway that will expedite the supply of the fish and other goods from the North. Of course, the countries that happen to be in the way of the railway will be offered a choice between joining the new Protectorate of the Elders or form the railway gangs as the custom requires.

And we suggest that you, Vladimir Vladimirovich, take as a man the imminent loss of that (relatively small) area of Calininsk. After all, it is you and your European friends who are preaching that any country, no matter how murderous were the intents of her foes, should return the territory gained by means of war. We have decided that you be the one to show the world how it is done. And since the Germans are not too eager to ask, we'll safekeep the area for them. For a while, you know what we mean...

P.S. The railway could have been much shorter from Italy, which is planned for our future residence in tune with Mahmoud the gorilla's suggestion. However, due to the natural tardiness of Italians, the date for our move is not set yet.

Cross-posted on Yourish.com