13 September 2011

Thanks for the tip, buddy

I am reviving this old post (even the link to the Australian had expired) due to recent increase of Mahmoud the Mad's fiery speeches where he promises all kinds of unpleasantness visited upon the Little Satan, warmly recommends that the Jews go back to where they came from etc. I wouldn't go into links, the media is full of that stuff. So here.

The international media is raising a frightful stink again around that funny Iranian bloke:






We do not understand why. After all, he provides lots of comic content and many a serious rag could do with some general lightening up (see here what we think about serious people). Just look at this punem! A bit of dental work, a few months in a gym and move over, Shwartzi - here comes the new governor of that funny state you manage! After this - who knows - White House needs some new blood too...

This was (still is) the Elders' general take on that Mahmoud Ahmadinejad character.

However, our analysis department, diligently sifting through all kinds of dreck, came up with that (allegedly comic) phrase that made some Senior Elders sit up and take heed.

"If the Europeans are honest they should give some of their provinces - like in Germany, Austria or other countries - to the Zionists and the Zionists can establish their state in Europe."

Honesty, shmonesty - said the Elders, but if Europeans have a bit of a common sense where is comes to dealing with Iran and others like Iran - they should definitely do what is in their best interest (as they understand it) and just take the finger out and make some room! After all - these 40 years of schlepping in the desert brought us to a place with no water, no oil, no nothing and now some start-up folks not only claim to be our cousins but also have some different views on who owns this, admittedly small and shitty place.

Anyway, our geopolitical department and our quartermaster were told to take a look and come up with a suitable place in Europe - in a jiffy.

Follow their conclusions.

East Europe is out. It still has a lot of rebuilding to do before it could be declared fit for habitation. Besides - who needs the Russian bear for a neighbor?

Northern bits of Europe are naturally off. Our girls like strutting around in these really skimpy shirts showing the pupick. And we, the Elders, like it to be this way too.

GB is out as well, their climate could do with lots of improvement, and we have neither time nor desire for it.

The big countries - France, Spain, Germany - are out as well. Not only are they too big and require lots of work for upkeep and cleaning, but each one has shitty neighbors and if you take one you must take the neighboring ones as well. Nah, we could not be bothered.

So, after all this sifting and comparing, we came up with the only natural choice, which is Italy.

The climate is fine, just what we need but with more rainfalls, it is roomy enough, after some digging the northern part could be cut off from the rest of Europe so we wouldn't be bothered. The Chief Rabbi had lots of warm things to say about the level of accommodation that could be expected for him and his staff in that Vatican place (some renovation and getting all these nudes out of the place, but otherwise as fine a place as our rabbis could conceivably desire).

So, dear Italian folks - please accept an advance notice. It is winter now, and we do not expect you to get organized so quickly, but you have to be out of the place by in two months. Please do not leave any garbage on the streets, and clean up your refrigerators and larders - we do not eat that pasta shit anyhow.

If you have any questions or complaints - please talk to that Ahmadinejad fellow - after all he started all this, and now it is too late to reverse it. Our decision is final and too bad you did not read the signs on the wall.

















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17 comments:

KalamazooKid said...

I'm afraid we will have to occupy Milan. The shooping opportunities in Rome and Napoli are not up to the high standards demanded by Jewish women.

SnoopyTheGoon said...

I am afraid somebody here missed the drift. Milan-Shmilan, we are taking over the whole shmear!

You want Milan, you got it...

KalamazooKid said...

Excellent. We have ski resorts, too.

Can I suggest that we give ths settlers Sicily? If we give the Hebronites Palermo, and hang onto a few Mafiosi, they should mutually eliminate each other by the end of next year.

SnoopyTheGoon said...

Sicily. Hmm... Not bad, need to talk to Shmil from the mental health department.

Actually, the first idea was to leave them were they are...

Lagwolf said...

Lol, seems fair recompence for all the bother Jews have had down the centuries thanks to those guys in dresses that hang around in Rome.

Akaky said...

I suppose you could always ask for Miami; lots of Jews already there and if you say you hate Fidel the Cubans will be more than happy to have you. The IDF Sea Corps will have to be expanded, of course, as the Cubans will want you to help them liberate la isla, but think of it like this; you'll be getting access to some of the greatest beaches in the world and lots of incredibly hot babes! Viva los ebreos! Viva Cuba Libre!

SnoopyTheGoon said...

Miami? Nah, no way. It is not a part of Europe, it is overbuilt and we do not want to deal with Cubans that will have to be moved out.

On the other hand - we can deal with Castro and they will move back then, so... Hmmm...

KalamazooKid said...

Italians are ideal. It's not like they'll put up much of an intifada.

As for their other threats, who understands Family better than us?

SnoopyTheGoon said...

OK. I am sorry, akaky, it is still Italy.

Anonymous said...

>it is still Italy.

Only if you agree to stick a vowel on the end of your surname.

> Ahmadinejad fellow...he started all this

Did he hellus like, Phillip Roth started the wagon rolling:

www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ tg/detail/-/0679750290?v=glance

SnoopyTheGoon said...

"Only if you agree to stick a vowel on the end of your surname."

We don't need no stinking vowels, buddy. Besides, it will be strictly kosher after we take over, so forget vowels and Prosciutto (oh my, what I am saying?).


Your Amazon link, Anon, brought me to this:

A Better Tomorrow/A Better Tomorrow II

Which is a cheap Korean thriller, if I am not mistaken.

KalamazooKid said...

Very true, we don't need no vowels, we're that 'ard.

Anonymous said...

You'll need bowels, though--otherwise how will the padres disem' you of 'em?

peterthehungarian said...

Will be unkoshers who eat spaghetti carbonara allowed?

SnoopyTheGoon said...

Yeah, but they will be the last to come over...

Dick Stanley said...

That pasta shit really is bad news. They'll be really grateful when they're all learning how to eat salads and hummus.

SnoopyTheGoon said...

They better...