This is how you do it!

What do you do if you are a Zionist, an ardent supporter of the state of Israel - my Zionism right or wrong, blue on white, Hatikva before going to bed, in short - the whole enchilada? But with one difficult twist: you have to look just the opposite - an ardent supporter of Arab cause, right or wrong, whatever colors on the green of Islam, Bil'ady, Bil'ady, and all that is entailed. This is definitely a quandary, but the great minds of the Guardian know how to deal with it exceedingly well, and my heart goes out to them. After all, we, the Elders, provide only occasional guidance to this self-supporting publication. And we frequently quote it as an example of rotten anti-Israeli rag with not a lot of visible grey cells in action.

However, where there is a will, there is a way. And the way found by the Guardian works like a dream: find a terminally stupid supporter of Arab cause, preferably with some (phony or real) academic credentials and elicit from him a rant of a typical slanted type. Do not check any facts mentioned in that rant, publish it as it is, and voila: you have made a mighty powerful strike for the Zionist cause while ostensibly rooting for the other side.

Here is a typical sample of a successful implementation of this devious strategy: an "opinion" piece by Amal Saad-Ghorayeb, a learned assistant professor of political science at the Lebanese-America University. It starts with a strategic statement:

Israel's response to its soldiers' capture is part of a hamfisted attempt to redraw the region's map

Aha! So all this hullabaloo was started by the devious Zionists to get themselves a chunk of Lebanon. Now it is clear, and Hizbullah is just an instrument of Zionist self-provocation. Good.

The capture of three Israeli soldiers by the Lebanese resistance movement, Hizbullah, to bargain for prisoner exchange should come as no surprise - least of all to Israel...

It is a surprise, especially for the fact that it is two soldiers that were captured. Oh well...

The prisoners Hizbullah wants released are hostages who were taken on Lebanese soil.These detentions have become a cause celebre in Lebanon.

Yep. Hostages indeed. Some cause celebre, just look at the darling Samir there. If you are too lazy, here is his bio (short but sufficient) version, again:

Samir Qantar was 17 when Israel Police arrested him after he burst into a flat in Israel's northern city of Nahariya, killed a policeman and another man and his four-year-old daughter. An Israeli court sentenced Qantar to 542 years in jail, of which he has served more than a quarter of a century.

If this is how the people of Lebanon look at "hostage" problem, and this is their cause celebre, it is no surprise that Hizbullah got to be what it got to be...

The regional significance of the abductions has also been misconstrued.

Here you see the scientific mind in action. "Regional significance" that is "misconstrued". Clearly the American taxpayer dollars at work. Feverish work, too. A band of thugs, inspired by the custom-made reading of Islam and armed to the teeth by the bosom buddies from Iran and Syria, pretends to regional significance on the blood of their Lebanese brethren. A great study case for political science, no question. But also a cause for an executioner, and don't thank us - better do this yourselves before it becomes too late.

Ach, professor - it must be a thankless job to try to explain the unspeakable and to swallow the unpalatable. Especially when your mental prowess leaves a lot of room for improvement.

But back to the Guardian: good job, colleagues. Your medals are, as usual, put in a strongbox, to be shown to you in a private ceremony, never to be seen in public. Keep up the good work!

Cross-posted on Yourish.com