Oh Debka, Debka... or Hezbollah on the fences

It's quite a long time since I had an opportunity to have me a good hearty laugh courtesy of Debka. But this time they have outdone themselves. In a big way, too. Take a look at this:

US intelligence finds 5,000 Hizballah trained to seize Galilee towns

This plan with attached special map was first published exclusively by DEBKA-Net-Weekly 430 on Jan. 22, 2010. Key excerpts appear here. Iran's Revolutionary Guards instructors at especially established training facilities near Tehran are already well advanced in training a cadre of 5,000 Hezbollah fighters in special operations and urban combat tactics to standards equivalent to those current in similar US and Israeli military forces. At the outset of the course, the group was split up into five battalions, each given a specific northern Israeli sector for capture with details of its topography and population for close study.
(See attached map).

And the map is a doozy too (click to enlarge for maximum effect):

I had barely an hour of sleep since reading the article yesterday. My whole night was spent in listening to suspicious noises outside, and several times I was almost sure that I hear them Hezbollah operatives slithering over the window sills. Today I am going to rally the neighbors into establishing a neighborhood watch, equipped by night vision goggles, machine gun emplacements, anti-tank missiles (although Debka doesn't mention tanks, but who knows, them Hexbollah fiends are tricky) and whatever else our personal stocks carry.

Of course, the neighborhood watch is a good thing, but it's vital to establish a contact with IDF. To be able to call in air support and/or artillery when needed. Which will be only too soon, I am afraid. One of the gaily colored battalions is surely counting on the contents of our fridge and the grocery nearby. But little they know about the booby traps laid around that fridge and the low caloric content... oh well, it wouldn't do to disclose too much in advance.

What else... oh yes, the seaside defense. We are inland here in our shteitl, and the map doesn't reflect on the 24 submarines Iran is lending to Hezbollah, nor does it show the hordes of Caspian sturgeons and dolphins, indoctrinated by the Ayatollahs in the tradition of Shahadah and carrying explosive devices and frickin lasers. But it's up to these yuppies in Tel-Aviv. Although, knowing their treasonous lefty defeatist ways, I am sure they will welcome the landing Hezbollah with flower garlands and Joan Baez songs... pfui...

Yes, I am pretty despaired. The shock of seeing this map will not pass very soon, that for sure. Especially the sight of them Hezbollah fighters depicted on the map - here goes an enlargement:

For some of you folks, not being into things military, the picture may not mean anything, I know. But for any old, bullet-scarred veteran, it means a lot. It means that Iranians have taught Hezbollah the highest art of military warfare - having a BM in the field (read - under enemy fire). Frightens the heck out of me.

There is only one last ray of hope left. I pray that Hezbollah and its PR outfit (Al Manar TV or whatchamacallit) hadn't put their mitts on that special breed of bulls being hitherto provided only to Debka by a special arrangement with ... no, that's a secret. If they did, it means that they will be able to compete with Debka in producing barrels of fresh, steamy, malodorous, priceless, highest quality BS.

For yours and mine entertainment.