02 February 2010

Oh Debka, Debka... or Hezbollah on the fences

It's quite a long time since I had an opportunity to have me a good hearty laugh courtesy of Debka. But this time they have outdone themselves. In a big way, too. Take a look at this:

This plan with attached special map was first published exclusively by DEBKA-Net-Weekly 430 on Jan. 22, 2010. Key excerpts appear here. Iran's Revolutionary Guards instructors at especially established training facilities near Tehran are already well advanced in training a cadre of 5,000 Hezbollah fighters in special operations and urban combat tactics to standards equivalent to those current in similar US and Israeli military forces. At the outset of the course, the group was split up into five battalions, each given a specific northern Israeli sector for capture with details of its topography and population for close study.
(See attached map).
And the map is a doozy too (click to enlarge for maximum effect):

I had barely an hour of sleep since reading the article yesterday. My whole night was spent in listening to suspicious noises outside, and several times I was almost sure that I hear them Hezbollah operatives slithering over the window sills. Today I am going to rally the neighbors into establishing a neighborhood watch, equipped by night vision goggles, machine gun emplacements, anti-tank missiles (although Debka doesn't mention tanks, but who knows, them Hexbollah fiends are tricky) and whatever else our personal stocks carry.

Of course, the neighborhood watch is a good thing, but it's vital to establish a contact with IDF. To be able to call in air support and/or artillery when needed. Which will be only too soon, I am afraid. One of the gaily colored battalions is surely counting on the contents of our fridge and the grocery nearby. But little they know about the booby traps laid around that fridge and the low caloric content... oh well, it wouldn't do to disclose too much in advance.

What else... oh yes, the seaside defense. We are inland here in our shteitl, and the map doesn't reflect on the 24 submarines Iran is lending to Hezbollah, nor does it show the hordes of Caspian sturgeons and dolphins, indoctrinated by the Ayatollahs in the tradition of Shahadah and carrying explosive devices and frickin lasers. But it's up to these yuppies in Tel-Aviv. Although, knowing their treasonous lefty defeatist ways, I am sure they will welcome the landing Hezbollah with flower garlands and Joan Baez songs... pfui...

Yes, I am pretty despaired. The shock of seeing this map will not pass very soon, that for sure. Especially the sight of them Hezbollah fighters depicted on the map - here goes an enlargement:

For some of you folks, not being into things military, the picture may not mean anything, I know. But for any old, bullet-scarred veteran, it means a lot. It means that Iranians have taught Hezbollah the highest art of military warfare - having a BM in the field (read - under enemy fire). Frightens the heck out of me.

There is only one last ray of hope left. I pray that Hezbollah and its PR outfit (Al Manar TV or whatchamacallit) hadn't put their mitts on that special breed of bulls being hitherto provided only to Debka by a special arrangement with ... no, that's a secret. If they did, it means that they will be able to compete with Debka in producing barrels of fresh, steamy, malodorous, priceless, highest quality BS.

For yours and mine entertainment.

11 comments:

Kateland said...

<p>Go ahead and laugh but it has the ring of authenticity to me. I think its highly plausible that Nasrallah has been staying away at night to come up with this plan and training his minions to implement it...imagine 5,000 men, with no tanks or air force is all its going to take. Well, I say it's all good which is why Israel will be around for a long time.
</p>

snoopythegoon said...

Now, now, Kateland, let's not fight about authenticity of Debka. It's a long time since I've decided to use their output for purely entertainment purposes.

But of course, I could be wrong. Even a broken clock, you know...

Anonymous said...

China and Russia put the blame on some screwed up experiments of US for the earthquake that happened in Haiti.
Chinese and Russian Military scientists, these reports say, are concurring with Canadian researcher, and former Asia-Pacific Bureau Chief of Forbes Magazine, Benjamin Fulford, who in a very disturbing video released from his Japanese offices to the American public, details how the United States attacked China by the firing of a 90 Million Volt Shockwave from the Americans High Frequency Active Auroral Research Program (HAARP) facilities in Alaska
If we can recollect a previous news when US blamed Russia for the earthquake in Georgio. What do you guys think? Is it really possible to create an earthquake by humans?
I came across this [url=http://universalages.com/hot-news/what-happened-in-haiti-is-it-related-to-haarp/]article about Haiti Earthquake[/url] in some blog it seems very interesting, but conspiracy theories have always been there.

Dick Stanley said...

Paranoia is the first effect of Debka reporting. Or something.

David All said...

Thanks Snoopy for this latest warning from Debka about the Hezbollah threat to invade northern Israel. It has been a busy day and needed this comic relief. 

Have posted a link to this at Nizo's since he has been depressed by the quality of sex available in the Anglo-speaking subreb of Montreal he's moved into. His most recent post, "Arafat's Jets" refers to childhood fanatasies about the PLO destroying Israel so I think he can use some cheering up.

Debka's doomsday nonsense reminds me of the 1984 film, "Red Dawn" where the Russians invade ... wait for it ... Colorado!      

David All said...

OT: Snoopy the video clip "I am Seizmic Shock" with the dubbing of the scene from Spartacus was side-spilitting funny.    
  

Gay Nizo said...

Thanks to David all for bringing me here. 

Snoopy, the bowel movement comment of yours made me laugh so hard that I almost BM'd on myself. Lucky for me (and my lovers), Allah has blessed me with a formidable O-Ring. 

snoopythegoon said...

Yes, and I got it bad upon reading the article.

snoopythegoon said...

Why would any Russian want to invade Colorado for? Nice as Colorado is, and I love it, Russians got tons of places exactly like this...

snoopythegoon said...

OK, the good vicar got more than he bargained for. He also got a lot of publicity and will be able to claim for a martyrdom...

snoopythegoon said...

A good O-ring cannot hurt, I guess...