10 May 2012

(Vegetarian) dinosaurs' flatulence may have warmed Earth

This is what the recent research results (of course, coming from Britain, where else?) say.

"A simple mathematical model suggests that the microbes living in sauropod dinosaurs may have produced enough methane to have an important effect on the Mesozoic climate," researcher Dave Wilkinson of Liverpool John Moores University said in a statement.
Ehehe... a simple mathematical model... but I wouldn't argue. Whatever. Some people took the idea even further:


Hinting that the dinosaurs kinda asphyxiated on their own... er... emissions. But that's power of the press for you.

The article headline and the whole article don't stress the fact that the culprits were all vegetarian. Indeed, it would have been highly politically incorrect in the current mindset. I suppose that the real problem at the time (the time of the dinosaurs, I mean) was that the carnivore dinosaurs split into two feuding groups: one that supported the old-style diet, meaning consuming the vegetarian dinosaurs and the other, a progressive one, that hailed the new ways: embracing the vegan way of life, all dinos are brothers/sisters, bananas is groovy, no more killing etc.

The end result is clear: the feuding parties fought to mutual extinction and the vegetarian folks, not having any threats from the predators anymore, proliferated to the numbers that caused the above mentioned asphyxiation.

I, myself, am a carnivore, but I am known to slip a banana, and apple or even a tomato in my incoming food stream. So the vegetarian ideas are not totally alien to me and I even have a few vegetarian friends. Still, we have to take steps to save this planet. And the lesson taught to us by the unfortunate dinosaurs is clear: exterminate vegetarians to stop these methane emissions, well, farts. Or else.

But then, there is a serious catch and a sobering realization: to feed the proliferating carnivores, more and more vegetarian cows, sheep, chicken etc will have to be raised. And that, in turn... I hope you see what I mean by now. So, the inescapable conclusion is that we are all doomed. The only choice is between asphyxiation and starvation, as it looks right now.

In any case, that study of dinosaur farts has surely brought a few brand new doctoral degrees, so not everything is bleak, I submit. We'll go down studying, at least.

12 comments:

Francis Sedgemore said...

"In any case, that study of dinosaur farts has surely brought a few brand new doctoral degrees, so not everything is bleak, I submit."

Wrong. Every new doctoral degree is an added curse upon the world. 

Death to the PhD!

SnoopyTheGoon said...

Frankly this is an angle I haven't considered. We can start with vegetarian PhDs and continue with a carnivorous ones, which will give us simpletons some breathing time...

KatieNorcross said...

We don't have to worry about GW now.  The Dinosaurs went extinct 65 million years ago and the only hot air we now get is from the direction of Washington DC.

KatieNorcross said...

 There are PHd's is valid studies.  Chemistry, Physics, etc...  Not all Meteorologist accept GW, quite a few are going against the idea.

SnoopyTheGoon said...

I am afraid, Katie, that one can't be selective when the planet's future is in stake. Or in steak.

SnoopyTheGoon said...

And I always thought that Washington DC is one of the dinosaurs' remaining reservations ;-)

Shaun Downey (Jams O Donnell) said...

Pah you will prise a nut cutlet out of my cold, dead hands.. Oh wait, that's what you plan, Oh shit!!!

SnoopyTheGoon said...

Sorry, Jams, it cannot be helped. As a conscientious tree-hugger, you must accept that it is done for the good of this here planet and accept your fate. Or else.

What else, I don't have an idea, actually.

Dballbaugh7 said...

Am afraid that I will be among the first to get it if you start eliminating those who produce the most methane.

As for getting rid of those with PhD's, I knew there was a good reason I never went for my doctorate. 

David All said...

screwed up on the previous e-mail. It should have been David All as the sender. Sorry! 

SnoopyTheGoon said...

Heh. OK, so we'll put you high on the list then.

SnoopyTheGoon said...

I guessed so much.