17 May 2008

Britain gives up on UFO, aliens reciprocate

The news about the official decision by Britain to deny the existence of UFOs and to sweep the whole issue of existence of aliens into a garbage bin came as a shock* to some denizens of our Galaxy.

Britain's Ministry of Defense has released files on UFO sightings dating back to the 1970s, including witness accounts and the government's response. One of the documents released Wednesday is a detailed briefing prepared by the Ministry of Defense for the debate, and it sheds light on the military's position on the matter. "There is nothing to indicate that ufology (the study of UFOs) is anything but claptrap and no evidence at all of 'alien space craft,'" read the briefing, prepared by the ministry for Lord Strabolgi, then government chief whip.
So UFOs are claptrap, according to the British government. Someone is definitely trying to ignore the stark truth staring them in the eyes and with it the whole Universe, full of life and sometimes (mostly when looking Earthward) of incomprehension and sorrowful laughter.

Due to Elders' excellent relationships (and, indeed, tight cooperation on some projects) with the Galaxy Central Command, it was easy** for me to get the Galaxy's semi-official response to the British faux pas:
Cannot say we are shocked here in the HQ. We had high hopes for these people initially. Just yesterday they have been in control of almost the whole globe of yours, and look where they are now. Still, we have not despaired with them immediately. We have sent them our best saucers, we have jumped up and down making faces at them, we have abducted, experimented, probed. We have even planted our trained reptilian to replace one of their more scandalous elected officials:
(The previous one was also one of ours - some kind of semi-sentient plant, but very adept in mimicry). We have telepathically instructed one of their best scribes to write several books with all the necessary information about the life, the universe, the whatnot. But it just didn't take root in this place. Mighty peculiar, I have to say, but at the end of the day not that surprising.

Apparently, this pale-face vitamin-deficient life form just cannot cope with the mere idea of aliens, no matter of what kind. Look what they... aw, what the heck...

Well, this is the end of it with these Brits. No more visitations, no more lights in the sky, no more anal probes for them. Let them drink that fermented swill (we have really had some hopes regarding them and the Pan Galactic Gurgle Blaster, you know) and be happy. Or, at least, half catatonic as they usually are. And these two clowns can continue to make them crop circles, if this is what gets them off. Pfui!

We give up on them, you can tell them in my name. Actually don't bother, you can hardly tell them anything as far as my experience goes. Now I see what that bearded chap meant by that "life is the mode of existence of protein bodies". Indeed...

Anyhow - we are moving the focus of our operation to... no, you don't have to know.. oh, you already do, good for you. Ciao...
It is unclear what is in wait for Britain in the near future as a result of this diplomatic fiasco, but there is no chance of getting any coherent response from their FO (as on many other issues, so it's not that surprising).

So I shall be calling on my favorite Ufologists to comment on this event.

(*) The shock value should not be overestimated, as well as the importance of Britain on the Galaxy scale. See the next remark.

(**) In fact, it was excruciatingly difficult to find the person responsible for communications with Earth in the endless maze of the Galactic HQ. Eventually, the Hon. Scroom RfticulG, the Galactic official who takes care of 4,965 inhabited worlds of ITC*** class, was located. Needless to say, the Elders do not normally go through this channel, having access to much higher echelons of Galactic bureaucracy.

(***) ITC - Intransigent Temporary Civilization.