Kavkaz Center vs Royal Academy of Sciences. Or gins vs aliens.

Kavkaz Center - the PR arm of the Chechen insurgents - while being preoccupied by the matters of holy Jihad against all kinds of infidels (rest assured, the Big Satan and the Little Satan are on the waiting list, right after the completion of the current task: defeating the Russian bear) found some time to dedicate to the interplanetary relationships.

The definitive article comes as a response to the meeting of the above mentioned Royal Academy of Sciences on the subject of detection of extra-terrestrial life and the consequences for science and society. The article is signed by a Department of Monitoring. It sounds serious then, so take it in the same manner, meaning seriously. This is how the Department of Monitoring describes the proceedings of the meeting:

Democratic British academics proposed to create a specialized agency within the Democratic organization "United Nations" which would deal with issues related to an expected contact with extraterrestrial civilizations. It is to be noted that it is not the first time when Western "scientists" argue that human contacts with aliens is just a matter of time.

Notice the judicious use of quotation marks and the word "Democratic". So, what is the pure Islamic verdict on the Democratic "scientists'" ideas? Here it comes:

We would like to point out in this connection that from the point of view of Islam, all theories of non-believers about the existence of some alien civilizations, UFOs, extraterrestrials are complete ignorance and absurdity.

To prevent you from useless arguing, the Department of Monitoring found a few more minutes to outline the only true cosmology, of which I shall quote sparingly (so read the whole for enlightenment). To start with:

Islam makes it clear that living intelligent beings were created by Allah, and were reported in the Quran. There are three kinds of creatures - angels, created from light, gins, created from fire (pure flame) and humans, created from clay.

I don't know about you, but to me it makes a lot of sense, besides it's much simpler than any Drake formula and stuff. Notice especially the gins:

It is well known that there are of several kinds of gins - those who can fly, those who move through the soil, and those who swim.

Allah be my witness - at various times I have been bitten by flying, crawling and swimming varieties of gins, getting all kinds and degrees of allergic and other reactions to the critters' bites! For crying out loud, now it all became clear!

But what about all these encounters so richly described in many sources? Here it comes:

In contact with gins are all kinds of sorcerers, witches, healers using a so-called "energy", fortune-tellers, yogas, shamans and others. Gins are contacted by various occultists, exorcists, cabbalists, magicians, satanists, others. Some believe that musicians, singers are under the influence of gins, since music and musical instruments are "flutes of Satan". Gins can manifest themselves in different cases, and in different situations, but humans can not see their true face. It is known that gins can abduct humans. Gins can also cause diseases for humans, both physical and mental. Gin can seize a human and take his mind. However, this can only happen by the will of Allah.

So there: all these stories about little green men (or big hairy ones), about abductions, anal probes, getting pregnant by an alien etc. - it's all explained, and to my total and absolute satisfaction, I have to add.

There is more, much more in that article, but I cannot dawdle - I have to alert my favorite UFOlogists. And an astronomer too now. And you all - just read that article.